Anyone else broke out there?

MissMarnee · July 2014

Forgive if this is TMI on such a personal topic but I don't know who to talk to. W/ daycare x 2 costing what it does, I had to quit working to be w/ kiddos--SAHMoming is the best job ever, not a burden at all--but the consequences--we're making ends meet, but just barely. So humiliating having friends who just assume its totally easy to get a $30 brunch & can't understand why I walk 1/2 mile w/ two 1 yr olds rather than cough up the $16 parking--parking!!!--and can't join in all my friend's bachelorette weekend actives. It's just small stuff, and my time w/ my girls won't last forever, I'm so grateful for them times a million, but it's just hard right now, you know, walking around w/ worn out clothes b/c I can't replace them and having almost every thought of what we do revolve around save, save, save, save, save...
Such a taboo thing to talk about $, but it just stings & I can't sleep...

Are we the only ones out there rich in sweet babies but Baby Poor?

diz1313 · July 2014

You aren't the only one, and dwelling on it sure can drive on to distraction!! And sometimes you just HAVE to let all those feelings out!! I totally get it. We too became a one income family when my son was born, daycare would have eaten up all but $100 of my paycheck so going back to work didn't make sense. Now we have the twins on the way and I kind of have to laugh because I thought we were all set with baby stuff and now I need some more things that are of course the big ticket items like crib, car seat and stroller. Ha! Someone up there has a sense of humor!

It does get a little tying when friends and such can't relate and just don't understand how you don't have just a little extra money for that girls outing or bachelorette Vagas trip or some such. I've lost touch with a lot of people because I couldn't go out to brunches, happy hours, parties and such...... but these kids.... In five short years they are in school and don't need us so much. In five short years gone will be e diapers and bottles and tiny socks and such..... I think I will miss that more than all the adult "good times" I've had to decline. But knowing all that, it is still hard sometimes..... Yeah, I get it.... and it might me taboo to talk about it but it certainly is more healthy to let it out than to hold it in!

JenyB6 · July 2014

You are not alone. I didn't have a choice in leaving my job I was laid off. We thought it might be for the best. But at the same time we were renting and our landlord decided he didn't want to renew our lease so we had to move at 36 wks pregnant and our rent has gone up by $300. Believe me its constantly in our minds stretching our budget making sure all kids will have what they need.

Mrs.McIrish · July 2014

I hear you. We've spent about $50K on fertility treatments after exhausting our insurance coverage. I'm not working (I was laid off 1/1/13) and then we moved 6 months later. Then we resumed treatment where I had to travel so getting a job didn't fit in with it all. Plus not a lot of great jobs where. I live. At this point, I'm almost 19 weeks so we decided that I wouldn't even look for work now. But I will need a job at some point next year. I worry about finding a local job that makes it financially worth putting 2 babies in daycare. We live in a tiny house so we will need to buy a bigger house but I need a job before we can do that. I worry about going through our savings while I'm not working and home with the girls.. There are no vacations right now and we stopped dinners put etc. it's hard to socialize with friends when you can't spend the $ to go out with them. But for us, we decided that a family was more important to us than the $.

chrissynena · July 2014

I hear ya! Right now I am still working full time, with a great salary, but once the babies come it will be a crazy amount of money for 2 babies and 1 toddler in daycare so I will be staying home. We will cash out my 401k to pay our $25k of IF treatment, but we are in a bad situation car wise (locked in leases for 2 more years, paying a ton due to rollover debt) so after a few months I will have to go back part time when MH will be home (nights and weekends) to avoid child care. It will be a very rough couple of years, but hopefully will get better after that.

FaeryStarGazer · July 2014

It's really hard, but just keep on plugging. You'll have to turn down those brunches and dates for now- if people are really your friends they'll understand when you tell them "I just can't afford to go out right now." Maybe offer to have friends come over to your house, or meet them at a park or someplace free for a picnic?

We were making ends meet when I had the girls, but we lived pay check to paycheck until they were about two. My husband got a raise when he completed his MBA program and he picked up a teaching job in addition to his usual 9-5 job. I started working again with family watching the girls and we were able to start saving again. Things have a way of working out-- albeit slowly and not always the way we think they should!

ks3pink · July 2014

I work and so does MH. We got so in debt that my parents ended up giving us a loan to consolidate things but we are still in over our heads. He is in school part time but can't finish his degree with the hours he works so he is about to go part time at work and cash in his 401K to pay off some bills. He can make just as much money part time but won't have the benefits. Unfortunately the degree he is working on won't get him more money but should get him home more. I just applied to grad school with plans to start in the spring. Hopefully my state continues to pay teachers masters degree pay and/or I can get a job part time or full time with the local community college when I finish. In the meantime we are still struggling and the next big expense is going to be preschool. I feel like there is no end in sight but I just keep on keeping on and praying!

Jenn06L80 · July 2014

MH and I both work. However the cost of daycare/preschool for our 3 girls is more than what MH makes. Unfortunately he is not made out/able to handle staying at home so his entire paycheck and a small portion of mine will go to child care. I keep telling myself that after 3 years will be only have to pay child care for the twins so things will better then.

I really just wish they my husband and I could switch salaries because I would LOVE to stay home with the girls

dal2aus · July 2014

Jenn06L80 said:

MH and I both work. However the cost of daycare/preschool for our 3 girls is more than what MH makes. Unfortunately he is not made out/able to handle staying at home so his entire paycheck and a small portion of mine will go to child care. I keep telling myself that after 3 years will be only have to pay child care for the twins so things will better then. I really just wish they my husband and I could switch salaries because I would LOVE to stay home with the girls.

This! While we're excited to have 2 on the way, it's a big financial shock that we didn't prepare for. If we put both in daycare, my husband would be working just to pay for daycare, plus I can't imagine putting them in daycare while they're so small. It just makes sense financially for MH to stay home. I think he can handle it, but we won't know for sure until they're here.

We seem to be doing OK so far with buying all of the necessary gear, and we've been focusing on paying off as much debt as possible before the birth. However, it's hard not to worry about what it will really be like going down to one paycheck while doubling the number of people. Kudos to the OP in bringing up the topic. No one mentions it on any of the boards, even though it's probably the main issue on my mind.

Angelahelena · July 2014

Money.... We had settled on a budget n bought a house. Revisited the budget and I started paying extra towards mortgage and then we got pregnant. !!! Not planned and now I've had to hire extra staff for my child care biz. N I will have to continue having staff bc w twins I know that even though I work w my babies I need staff to help me fun my biz. Savings are going towards new boiler. , and renovations we didn't expect to expand house for nursery. Yes money is always on my mind. I know I'm lucky that I don't have to technically pay for child care but the fact that I have had to hire extra staff is the same difference.

Aurora1181 · July 2014

So glad to see this brought up. I worry about finances all the time! We're trying to find 3 day a week childcare and it is so crazy expensive here. DH and I are both teachers, and we're now looking at him staying home instead of going back to work. Ditto to the idea of wishing DH made more money than me- he doesn't- by a long shot- so he would stay home instead of me. Sort of frustrating.

CNYBride05 · July 2014

Oh yes! I exhausted all my earned time when I was in bedrest so my maternity leave was all unpaid. And i ended up resigning my ft position and coming back per diem b/c my work is an asshole and wouldn't let me come back pt. I made roughly twice what DH made so now we make about the same (we are both social workers, so def not rolling in dough) and it's tight. I'm actually more worried about when the girls are older and we don't have all the hand-me-down clothes and have to buy 2 of everything.... And then activities, summer camps, etc. but I have faith it will work out. Somehow

diz1313 · July 2014

Add to all that and I just got a bill for a blood test that didn't need to be done ($800.00) and today our trusty tv just died which makes the 4 year old not have his good night show to wind down. When it rains it pours. Ha!

Mama-Bear · July 2014

We're right there with you. I love being a SAHM but we've been considering me going back to work PT which is such a scary thought because I haven't had a job in 8 years. Chances are I won't go back to work, but it's been a consideration. We're a family of 5 living on DH's income which has dropped by about $1000-$1200/mo and I thought we were broke then. Now every decision is based around if we can afford it or not and it totally blows. Hopefully in a few months he can apply for a new position at his company and we'll get an increase but any new position that he got he couldn't start until next February (he has to stay in 1 position for a minimum of 1 year before moving to a different position). He went from bringing home about $2000 per paycheck (including reimbursement expenses for mileage, but his car gets great gas mileage so we didn't really spend much out of that on his car), to about $1700 per paycheck, and now he's bringing home just over $1400 per paycheck (paid biweekly).

This is just a season and IMO there's time to make money later, right now is time to be with our kids. Sure I feel bad that we can't buy them what they want when they want, but they're fed, warm, have clean clothes, and a few extras here and there. When we get extra money we spend it on things like museum and zoo memberships so we always have "free" things we can go do. So I don't buy things I don't need while walking through Target, it's just more stuff to clean around anyway.

Mama-Bear · July 2014

CNYBride05 said:

Oh yes! I exhausted all my earned time when I was in bedrest so my maternity leave was all unpaid. And i ended up resigning my ft position and coming back per diem b/c my work is an asshole and wouldn't let me come back pt. I made roughly twice what DH made so now we make about the same (we are both social workers, so def not rolling in dough) and it's tight. I'm actually more worried about when the girls are older and we don't have all the hand-me-down clothes and have to buy 2 of everything.... And then activities, summer camps, etc. but I have faith it will work out. Somehow

We've gotten so much gear and clothing from our local twin club sale and Once Upon a Child. My kids RARELY get new clothes but always have nice clothes. We just went to OUAC about 2w ago and got 70% off of a lot of their summer clothes and most clothing items there are maybe $4 or $5 or less (I usually won't spend over $3.50 for a pair of shorts normal price. At the twin club sale, I would spend around $250 per season (one in April, one in August) and I would get all of their clothes for the season, books, toys, etc.

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