So...I'm not married

Hopeful1222 · July 2014

I had my first IUI last weekend. My boyfriend and I are not married, not engaged and really don't plan to be for awhile. I'm 29, he's 34. We've been together 8 years and live together. We both obviously made the decision for me to stop BC a year and a half ago and to see gyn/re when nothing was happening. But, I still feel like I can't tell people we are actively trying to get pregnant. We decided awhile ago we would start trying when I finished grad school. We thought it would be easy and could explain it to people as "oops, look what happened but we are excited" type thing. I assume most people here are married. How would you react to a non married couple going thru IF treatment? Am I over thinking it?

rella22 · July 2014

My DH and I started trying long before we were married and even engaged! It just so happened that well...nothing happened and we decided to tie the knot after almost 2 years of trying! All getting married did was encourage people to CONSTANTLY ask when we're having a LO...ugh! Nobody here will judge you and best of luck!!

Hopeful1222 · July 2014

Thanks for the positive responses! I honestly feel if we were open about it with our families they would totally support us. I guess since we both come from families where our parents are still married had kids after they were married, I feel certain pressures to live up to that. But thanks for making me feel better about all this. I don't need any extra stress at this time!

Tiko99 · July 2014

Omg I am so happy to see your post. I'm not married either, but use the term DH. I am divorced so I am in no rush to get married again, but we feel we are ready for a baby and have been for over two years. My parents and a few friends know we are seeking fertility treatments and have been supportive. My family just wants me to be happy and it helps they are dying for grandchildren. If you need the support of family and friends I would suggest telling them, especially if you think they will be supportive.

ronniesgirl1981 · July 2014

I'd be super surprised if you got any negativity from this board about not being married! We might call MUD if you said your were 19 and started trying on your second date, but otherwise we are a pretty easy-going bunch. Good luck!

cupcake122 · July 2014

If it's your plan to get pregnant before you're married, then I hope you do

I assume most ladies on this board are married, but i don't think it matters. My heart goes out to every woman who has IF issues, Married,single, young, old, trying for 1 year or 5 years.
I hope you don't get negativity from people in your life who don't understand what you're going through. I bet you won't get any here though!

KT416 · July 2014

I'm kind of jealous actually.... you probably have people bothering you about when you're getting married instead of the baby questions

lebradford · July 2014

It definitely doesn't bother me at all if someone is TTC before getting married (or not getting married at all). We considered trying beforehand, but I didn't want to be pregnant for my wedding or honeymoon. (Ha!)

Pintobean39 · July 2014

I honestly don't think it matters it's a personal preference. I have a friend that never got married, has 2 children, bought land and built a house with her boyfriend. To each their own!

Belou52579 · July 2014

Families come in all different sizes, colors, shapes and everything in between. Don't let anyone let you feel less than you are because you don't have a marriage certificate.

SweetieShellieH · July 2014

You know what is best for the two of you. There's no road map that you need to follow when it comes to having YOUR family.

We also started before we were even engaged. We were only together a short time though before we decided to try. We were dating only 5 months when we moved in together and we started trying 3 months after we moved in together. Most people probably would have thought we were insane, but we knew we wanted to be together for life and to have children.

If it had been up to my husband, I would have been off BCPs on our first date lol.

Now we've been together for 3 & a half years, TTC for 2 years & 9 months, and been married for ALMOST one year (anniversary July 27th!)

Hopeful1222 · July 2014

Well thank you all for reaffirming that we need to do whats best for us! Although, deep down, I do know that, it still helps to have others back me up on it

.

sweetsurrender9 · July 2014

Good for you! DH and I started trying before our wedding because we knew there were issues and we didn't want to waste any time. My RE's office screwed it up exactly once and then got it right every other time. I wish you the very best of luck!

erollis · July 2014

Belou52579 said:
Families come in all different sizes, colors, shapes and everything in between. Don't let anyone let you feel less than you are because you don't have a marriage certificate.

Exactly!

When you are ready to do something in life do it. You both are ready to have a child so you shouldn't let anyone tell you you aren't ready/can't for any reason.

Hollowvic · July 2014

It's nobody's business, I've seen married people that shouldn't have kids.

Hopeful1222 · July 2014

Thankfully, I'm the one with the awesome insurance!

ToryKate · July 2014

I get where you are coming from. H and I started trying when we were engaged. When I made the appointment to get my IUD out with my OBGYN I felt a little uncomfortable talking to her about TTC since I wasn't married. It was unwarranted though. I doubt she thought twice about it.

Now that we are married I feel more comfortable that I can mark the "married" box on the forms, but it is more my insecurity than any real judgement. And it sounds silly now that I type it... "I like being able to check a certain box on a form" That makes me sound like a lame people pleaser.

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