Name issue....

ARogers26 · July 2014

I know there is a name board, I figure not many people are still looking at it so here goes...

We have settled on Levi Michael R. for our little guy. Michael is my husband's name. We found out over the holiday weekend that my father in law is no longer responding to chemo treatment. They have offered him one last experimental treatment or hosipice - he choose the experimental which I think is wonderful. (This is stage 4 pancreatic cancer that is attacking his lungs not his pancreas.) My husband would like to now change Mr. Levi's name to Levi Tommy R. after his father. His Dad's name is Tommy, not Thomas, not Tom but Tommy on his birth certificate. Problem is I really dislike it. I think it is a silly thing to name a child a nickname and not the full name.

Alright ladies - I love this group for their brutal honesty - Am I being selfish if I say no???

cookieinva · July 2014

If I were in your shoes I'd probably ask my H to consider using "Thomas" instead of Tommy, even if he is always referred to as Levi Tommy. Not sure how hard I would argue it since it is just a middle name as compared to how meaningful it presumably is to your H.

McCormic1020 · July 2014

I agree.

cakebatter27 · July 2014

I would push for Thomas on the birth certificate but you could call LO Levi Tommy. It's a good compromise because 1) it's last minute and 2) Thomas sounds better IMO.

I'm sorry for your FIL's deteriorating health.

cookiemomma14 · July 2014

I agree with pp. Either using Tom or Thomas but you can call him Levi Tommy whenever you want. It is a middle name and therefore not commonly stated or used except for legal documents. I think it would still be in the spirit of naming him after his father too. Just my opinion though. I think it's up to you and your DH.

zellatrix · July 2014

I think Thomas would be a nice compromise.

mustangholly · July 2014

zarkarella said:
I think Thomas would be a nice compromise.

I agree a compromise is needed.

Levi Tommy sounds like double first names to me. Levi Thomas sounds great together.
I am sorry about ur father in law. It is a really nice gesture to honor him.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

Does he always go by Tommy or does he ever go by just Tom? Levi Tom doesn't sound too bad, but I'm kind of with @MSUDucks if Thomas isn't FIL's name at all and your DH wants to do it to honor his father, I'd probably go with Tommy. However, I 100% understand how you feel about not loving the name.

Does FIL have a middle name that would work with Levi maybe?

ARogers26 · July 2014

Thanks everyone. Husband says either Tommy or stick with Michael. This is mainly because FIL has always corrected people who say Thomas however MIL and other family call him Tom. I would love to use FIL's MN, David but my BIL just named his son David last year. I am just going to sit on it for a few days. Maybe it will grow on me. I hate to say no as hubs has been so great about everything and I really love my FIL dearly.

knitsandgiggles · July 2014

What an honor for your future son to be named after a grandfather he likely will never know. I think Levi Tommy strikes the sentiment your husband is hoping for and agree that the MN name should be that or your original plan.

Are you planning to call your son Levi Tommy or Levi Michael on a regular basis? Or will he simply be known as Levi?

My DH was quite accommodating when I asked him about choosing a MN to honor my brother. His name was Frederick, but he never went by that formal name. Once we found out we were having a girl, I was at a loss for a feminine alternative that really fit and DH suggested Winifred since my brother went by Fred anyway. I really appreciated his open mindedness.

SuperTinkerham · July 2014

I have nothing to add but best wishes to your family during this difficult time.

brooklynesque · July 2014

ARogers26 said:

Thanks everyone. Husband says either Tommy or stick with Michael. This is mainly because FIL has always corrected people who say Thomas however MIL and other family call him Tom. I would love to use FIL's MN, David but my BIL just named his son David last year. I am just going to sit on it for a few days. Maybe it will grow on me. I hate to say no as hubs has been so great about everything and I really love my FIL dearly.

Using David as the middle name might be a nice compromise. IMO it doesn't matter at all that your son will have a cousin whose first name is the same as his middle name. It's not like you're giving him the same first name. And you're not copying some random name -- David clearly has family significance.

PregsMcSnoozalot · July 2014

So sorry to hear about your FIL's illness.

To honor him, I think you should use his real name.

My name on my birth certificate is a nickname of a more formal name, and if someone were naming their kid after me, I would not like it at all if they used the formal version. That's not my name!

Nichole8787 · July 2014

If he is a good man that you respect name your child after him. I would have no problem with naming my child a name like Tommy in remembrance of a family member.

justine983 · July 2014

I am in the same boat minus the medical issues. I want to middle name the baby after my husbands father but he is Thom not Thomas. I ended up having my husband talk to his father about it and find out if he'd be upset if the baby's name was intended to be after his but with the full version of Thomas. I was prepared to accept any answer and it turns out that he was fine with either direction we went and was touched by the intent.

Fletch82 · July 2014

Sorry to hear about your FIL. I would use Tommy as it's his name. Since it would be a middle name I don't think it's an issue to not have 'real' formal name.

I also like the option of using David. Again since it's a middle name there isn't an issue that it's the same as a cousin. FIL is grandfather to both.

kwh33ls · July 2014

MSUDucks said:

Here's the thing, I really prefer Thomas, but that's not FIL's name. I think since you are doing it to honor him, Tommy is what you should use.
I'd also ask how often you plan to call him by both first and middle? If the answer is basically never, then why change it so the "flow" is better?
Lastly, if my husband's father was dying, he'd likely be really upset that I suggested that his dad's name wasn't "good enough" by asking to change it. Sorry I'm the dissenter here.

I agree with this. Your DH doesn't get to compromise and have his dad around longer, so I think it's okay to let him have this one. When we found out we were having a girl, the middle name was my late mother's name. No discussion, no question. I think it'll grow on you, honestly, but even if it doesn't, the name means something, and that's more than most people can say about their names. I say go with Tommy.

purpleXdandelion · July 2014

I 110% agree with @MSUDucks‌. And I think Levi Tommy is cute.

MstoMrstoMom851214 · July 2014

I'm a huge believer of using middle names to honor family members. We are having a boy and using my dad's name as the middle name, which happens to flow nicely, but if we were having a girl, it would have been my mom's name, which (to be blunt) isn't a great middle name at all. It doesn't matter to us about the flow however, because my parent's are amazing and go above and beyond to help us out.

With that being said, I would definitely cave and go with "Tommy." I think "Tom" would be okay too, since it's a nickname of his, but clearly your DH doesn't agree so I wouldn't argue with him about it. The fact that the middle name honors your FIL during such a difficult time trumps the lack of flow. Just my opinion!

marsalisails · July 2014

MSUDucks said:
Here's the thing, I really prefer Thomas, but that's not FIL's name. I think since you are doing it to honor him, Tommy is what you should use.

I'd also ask how often you plan to call him by both first and middle? If the answer is basically never, then why change it so the "flow" is better?

Lastly, if my husband's father was dying, he'd likely be really upset that I suggested that his dad's name wasn't "good enough" by asking to change it.
Sorry I'm the dissenter here.

This exactly - it's just a middle name. You'll be calling him Levi, so to me if it makes a difference to your DH, but it's not Earth shattering to you, I'd just name him Levi Tommy.

RKSnyder · July 2014

So, my baby girl's first name is Eliana, which has a lot of significance to DH and I. We are Jewish, and Eliana translated in Hebrew means "my God has answered". After years of infertility it just made sense to us and we loved it. Ellie's (which is Eliana's nickname) middle name is Teresa which was my grandmother's name that passed away last year (and that I was so close to).

Now, we know that Eliana Teresa really doesn't sound great together. We know people probably think "WTF were they thinking?" But both her first and middle name are significant and meaningful to us so we went for it.

Basically I just told you this to say I sympathize with your position though I believe you honor whomever you want (whether DH or FIL) by using the exact name. What's important is the significance of the name to you!

Big+Lil · July 2014

Another idea is to have FIL choose the middle name for you. You could explain how important he is to you and would like him to select the name. Maybe he could even write out why he selected the name and it could be an amazing keepsake and give a great connection with Levi and Grandpa Tommy.

honeybee434 · July 2014

If he corrects his name when others bring it up, I would go with Tommy or the name you originally chose. Knowing the difference is important to him, I think changing it wouldn't be the same towards honoring him the way it seems like you are wanting to do.

TurtleMonsters · July 2014

Tommy or Michael...not Thomas or some other more "likeable" version. I barely ever speak ds's middle name, also a family name and ds 2 will have my dad's name for a middle. If it was a first name, then I'd really picked something everyone agreed on, but since it's a middle, use Tommy.

If it were me, I'd even consider doing 2 middle names, unless you want to use you're dh's on a future child.

alyss0nl · July 2014

What about 2 middle names, Levi Michael Tommy?

pjaimeal · July 2014

I agree with PPs that you should use Tommy. DH and I are doing the same with DS, his middle name will be Larry after both of his grandfathers. Middle names are rarely mentioned and sometimes only the initial is used. It would mean a lot in the scheme of things and a middle name isn't something that will be "seen" or used frequently throughout your LO's life.

twister22 · July 2014

I think if you're going to use FIL's FN as DS's MN, then it should be his actual name, not a version you like better. Also, I think using FIL's MN as DS's MN would be awesome too, if that's something DH wants. Who cares that BIL used it for his DS? It's a family name & has significance. Do you think it would bother BIL or something?

Also, I am so sorry about your FIL's current situation

. T&Ps his & your family's way.

cookieinva · July 2014

Just coming back in view of your response. If your H feels strongly to the point he does, that it is Tommy or a different name, I'd go with Tommy. Not worth upsetting anyone over a middle name. And I say this as somone who changed DS's middle name becuase of issues some family members had with it. Not worth problems IMO.

AKB090609 · July 2014

If it was a fn I'd be all about the compromise, but your DH's dad is likely near the end of his life and it's just a mn, if you don't like the sound of 'tommy' just write Levi T. Last name

ghostof5letters · July 2014

ARogers26 said:

Thanks everyone. Husband says either Tommy or stick with Michael. This is mainly because FIL has always corrected people who say Thomas however MIL and other family call him Tom. I would love to use FIL's MN, David but my BIL just named his son David last year. I am just going to sit on it for a few days. Maybe it will grow on me. I hate to say no as hubs has been so great about everything and I really love my FIL dearly.

I don't see anything wrong with cousins sharing the same middle name (especially a family name).

Otherwise, I agree with MSUducks and your husband, Tommy or nothing, especially if your FIL has spent most of his life correcting people who call him Thomas.

BBColt78 · July 2014

I really, really like Levi Tommy. Middle names don't have rules.

I agree with Pp, you gotta go Tommy to make it sentimental.

Ylvelill · July 2014

Just adding my vote to the use tommy or something else group

I think it is a wonderful gift you can give your FIL and husband btw.

glitterclaws · July 2014

Another vote for Tommy here. I think if your husband felt strongly enough to want to change it this late in the game, you should really consider going with it.

ADC1979 · July 2014

I vote for Tommy, or ask FIL to pick the name. If I were in your shoes, I'd let FIL pick. My Dad hates the name on his birth certificate, so it's likely he'd be happy to pick something new for the baby. It would be a really sweet thing, and I second the sentiment that having him write (or dictate to someone who can write) why he picked the name would be amazing.

Sorry for your FIL's condition. I had an uncle who passed away of pancreatic cancer just before my wedding...so heartbreaking for all involved. Will keep your family in my T&Ps.

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