Anyone struggle with possibly not seeing your kids beyond their 40s?

shellylovelee · June 2014

Ok, I know every day is an incredible gift. I know there is obciously no guarantee I'll live into my 80s and beyond. I know. I know I know it's a waste of time to consider it But that's the thing about fears. I am 40 and my DH is 45. We have a 2 1/2 yr old and 17 mos old. We married late in life. When we talk about the future, we both get teary imagining our kids as adults and not getting to enjoy them. I know tomorrow is not promised. It is in this reality however, when I wish I were a younger mom. Thanks for listening.

ScubaMomma · June 2014

I had thoughts of this nature swimming around my mind last night. Funny how we start to think about these things. I guess it's hard not to get caught up in it, but I have made the decision to live in the moment as much as I can. Savour every minute spent with these little blessings. We are so fortunate.

I am 43 in Aug. and my husband will be 46, we have a 3 years old and one on the way. We married late in life as well. I grew up #2 in a family of 11 children and always wanted a big family. Needless to say.....
I find it helps me to count my blessings. I have 2 dear friends of mine, one is now in her 50's...They tried to conceive for a number of years with no success. I remind myself that that could be me.

The 20, 30, 40 years (hopefully I'll have all of my faculties intact!) that I DO have, I will make them count. So when I am not physically there, I will leave loads of loving memories behind and they will never doubt how much they are loved.

JilliansMoma · June 2014

I completely understand! It's why I am working on getting in better shape and eating healthier. I'm always so scared to not be there for my girls. I really try not to think about it so much and know that we are raising them to depend on each other too so we DH and I are gone they have each other.

I'll never forget when I brought my 1st home from the hospital my Uncle told my Mom "Just think when she graduates from high school you'll be 80!" It freaked my Mom out!

Yikes!!

LadyXaverian · June 2014

I do think about this. I try not to dwell on it, but I do think about it. Like you said, there are no guarantees from one day to the next, but hopefully DH and I will get to live a long, healthy life so we can be there for our children (and each other!) as long as possible.

kimb311 · June 2014

It crosses my mind all the time. It was actually a deciding factor in trying for #2. We didn't want our DD to be alone and not have a sibling to rely on when we leave. It breaks my heart to think that they won't have us for as long as i wish they would. Shit, now I'm crying!

lcwed · June 2014

I've thought about it, but I also believe that future advances in medicine will make our life span longer. Plus, my mom had my sister in her 30s and I don't consider her old at all. She still gets to be a grandma. I regret that I may not get to be a great grandma though.

MrsDL · June 2014

I was 36 when I had DS, I'll be a few months shy of 40 with this one. DH is actually 3 years younger so he doesn't think about this like I do. It crosses my mind quite frequently and it makes me sad. I think if these boys are like me, I'll never see grandkids.

I've worked hard to get into great shape after DS, changed my eating habits, I feel like I was in better shape going into this pregnancy than when I was in my late 20's or early 30's - but I also worry about being the "old mom" - not able to keep up with two rambunctious boys like younger moms. There are days when my son (3) wants to be carried up the stairs and I'm like "damn, my back! How am I going to do this with a newborn?" It's a stupid thought, I'm lucky to live in a neighborhood where we are mostly all late-bloomers - tons of moms and dads in mid-30's to early 40's having babies, so it does help to be around them, especially when I'm on facebook and see people I went to HS and college with celebrating their kids HS graduations or their kids starting high school or middle school.

I try not to dwell too long - like OP said - nothing is a guarantee and we can go at anytime but yep, sometimes I wish I could go back in time and do this again at a younger age.

Samuelismomma · June 2014

To be honest dont think about it I think because I lost my dad when he was 54 and my brother was 53. My mom lost my grandpa to murder when he was 32... So I know it doesn't matter when you have your children you might not see them grow up. So I just take everyday I get:)

CreativeD1 · June 2014

My grandmother is 98 and still living alone and functioning independently. She has great-great grandchildren.

. We don't know what life can or will bring us but I am sure she never thought she would see great-great grandchildren.

.

Beckyboo71 · June 2014

ScubaMomma said:

I had thoughts of this nature swimming around my mind last night. Funny how we start to think about these things. I guess it's hard not to get caught up in it, but I have made the decision to live in the moment as much as I can. Savour every minute spent with these little blessings. We are so fortunate.

I am 43 in Aug. and my husband will be 46, we have a 3 years old and one on the way. We married late in life as well. I grew up #2 in a family of 11 children and always wanted a big family. Needless to say.....
I find it helps me to count my blessings. I have 2 dear friends of mine, one is now in her 50's...They tried to conceive for a number of years with no success. I remind myself that that could be me.

The 20, 30, 40 years (hopefully I'll have all of my faculties intact!) that I DO have, I will make them count. So when I am not physically there, I will leave loads of loving memories behind and they will never doubt how much they are loved.

I will be 43 next month, and DH just turned 45. This is my second marriage, and we just got married last June. I have a 6 year old daughter, but he has no kids. After a m/c last year, I am just excited to be pregnant, and I try not to think about what I will and won't see in the future. I'm with you...I have a cousin that is 46 and has tried for probably 10+ years to get pregnant, so I am just thankful for this blessing, and live day by day, cherishing every moment with DD...and will do the same with this next one :x

shellylovelee · June 2014

These comments were so soothing to read! Thanks mamas!

NicoleWI · June 2014

Yes, it makes me sad. My mom was a "young" mom (had me at 23) and I always liked that. I am sad that I will be an "older" mom in comparison. DH and I were together five years when we got married and we just felt like there was no rush to move along. I wish someone had told me while I was livin' it up in my 20s having a great time, that the years really matter later. I feel like I robbed myself of healthy/youongish middle-aged years in which to enjoy adult children/grandchildren and instead spent the years playing in kickball leagues and dancing at bars! All good, but I could have cut that shorter.

I'm encouraging my brother to start earlier than we did. DH and I are just ssooooo lucky that we started when we did and were successful right away.

OutdoorGirl10 · June 2014

I also was thinking along these lines last night. It does make me kind of sad, but then I think that as long as I'm healthy I'll try to make the best of it and do what I can do.

path75 · June 2014

I would rather live with kids late in life than to live childless. I almost accepted the fact I wouldn't have children and got quite depressed. I just think about the present and enjoy the now.

wildflower75 · June 2014

I can't remember which board I was on but the gist of the post was Class of 2032... I will be 57 when my baby graduates high school!!! My mother isn't even 57 right now and I'm 39 (she had me very early as a teen). That being said my DH is 44 and so I can't imagine what goes through his head! It breaks my heart to think of my daughter getting married and my DH being super old... I do struggle with the possibilities and just pray each day that God gives me and all of my family long life!!!

Bigboneded · June 2014

My grandma married at 39, lived to see her grandchildren grown... I have a good shot :-)

laurot95 · July 2014

DH and I had been trying since we were in our 20's.... Needed a lot of help to get where we are and taking it day by day. Fortunately, longevity for the ladies runs in my family... Both grandmothers lived into their 90's. I, too, encourage my siblings to get help earlier than we did... And I have wonderful family surrounding us. I will be 60 when this LO graduates HS.... But I will be a YOUNG 60... For sure.

Love this group already...

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