Seriously?! Rude and insensitive people

lexusolsen · June 2014

Hopefully, none of you can relate. Over the past week several people who I am not close to but friends with on fb have made comments about being over it. Like three months should be enough time to forget Ben and be back to "normal".

Maybe once a week I post something about him or our little family. Today I changed my profile picture to a quote from Return to Zero about how the loss of a baby signifies the loss of what could have been.

Anyone else dealing with people who think your time for grief is up?

AshersMom11 · June 2014

That's awful, I can't believe what comes out of some people's mouth sometimes. This is our new "normal" and we can't just go back tot he way things were before. I am sorry they were so hurtful.

Noethola · June 2014

***siggy***

Not okay or appropriate from them. It seriously makes me stabby when people put a limit on someone else's grief.

There is a quote from the Velveteen Rabbit book: "Once you become real, you cannon become unreal." It resonated with me because I think a lot of people don't see our babies as "real" regardless of their gestational age (or age after birth).

I always say something like "Just as any parent loves and thinks of their child whether they are at home or not, so do I think of my daughter. She existed and we had a relationship. My life changed because of her and I will grieve 'what should have been' the rest of my life. Feel free to hide my comments if you cannot understand where I am."

So very sorry you are getting these comments.

LyndseyTS · June 2014

I'm sorry that this is happening. I don't think people really understand the calibre of what it's like to lose a child until they've been through it. It's hard to give them the benefit of the doubt when it feels so callous, though. Generally I end up putting up "walls" and not spending time with them (or deleting them on Facebook as is the case) just to survive.

lexusolsen · June 2014

I responded to her comment and said that she could always "unfollow" or "unfriend" people if she was so bothered by what they post. She had some lame response and then I unfriended her. This is the same person who earlier this week told me that she had a miscarriage before. The best advice she said she had to give me was to move on. That my baby would want me to live and be around other babies.

ikrystal · June 2014

**ticker warning**

I'm sorry you are going through this. My husband and I were just talking about this the other night. People don't even want to hear us talk about the boys anymore, which angers me because everyone else talks about their kids so why can't I talk about mine? They just don't understand what we all have truly lost. I really hope that you have some true friends and family members who are still there for you.

angelsnight · June 2014

ticker warning

I hate people. I'm so sorry you're dealing with that. Even if they cannot understand because they haven't been through it, who do they think they are to lecture you on your grief?

My mom died when I was 25 and I was telling a "friend" how hard it has been and somehow my dad came up in the conversation. She told me I need to be strong for my dad and not show my grief in front of him or something like that. WTF? It had been about two months since she died.

msunshine123 · July 2014

I am so sorry your are going through this. It is so frustrating that some people try to put a time line on grief. There will not be a day we don't miss our children and wish they are with us - this is our new normal.

LondonsMummy314 · July 2014

My mom told me yesterday that i should be happy i lost my baby because the father is a jerk. I just lost the baby Sunday. No matter what me and him had going on that was still my child so it hurt hearing that. I haven't answered my phone since.

lexusolsen · July 2014

LondonsMummy314 said:
My mom told me yesterday that i should be happy i lost my baby because the father is a jerk. I just lost the baby Sunday. No matter what me and him had going on that was still my child so it hurt hearing that. I haven't answered my phone since.

I'm so sorry.

Once my mom said maybe it was for the best. Maybe Ben would have had Down syndrome or something because of the car accident. I gave her the "shut the eff up" look and she never brought it up again.

stefuge · July 2014

Dealing with people can be the worst! I have done some serious pruning of my friendships and FB "friends" since our loss, and am much happier for it. The people in my life now let me talk about Colton as much as I want, have no fear about saying his name or bringing him up in conversation, and they know how important he is. Will this last indefinitely? I don't know, but I feel like it will, at least with some. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this, and I think you made the right decision unfriending her. Unfortunately, grief forces us to develop thicker skin, and until that point, or even in the midst of that, we have to protect ourselves from those who have shown they have more concern for themselves than for you. ((Hugs))

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