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babylimas
member
S/O adults - accepting diagnosis
babylimas
member
My H recently discovered that his father received an adult dx and is really struggling with it. (I don't know the exact diagnosis but the family has been saying aspergers.) He is exceptionally smart and a surgeon (first in his med school class) but he has been severely hindered his whole career by his inability to understand people. We used to always say - very high IQ, no EQ. He is completely unable to understand body language and tends to make people uncomfortable by cornering them and talking and talking and talking about really complex topics.
He also won't even attempt to learn things he doesn't like. For example, he doesn't get technology at all and is being forced to retire because his hospital is becoming all computer based. The man can't even check his visual voicemail on his iphone. Again he is insanely smart so this block of his is just perplexing and frustrating to my H.
I haven't heard a lot about adult diagnoses and want to help my H somehow. Accepting the diagnosis has been a big struggle for my H. He had a pretty rough childhood with his mother having a mental illness, and has a lot of anger towards his father for ignoring things. He doesn't want to hear that his dad also had "a problem," as he puts it. I think he has had to excuse so much for his mom because of her illness and he doesn't want to give his dad an excuse too. I'm sorry if that sounds insensitive, I'm just trying to explain a bit of his mind frame.
I have been around here a bit because my son has T21 and a CHD. You ladies are such an awesome resource. Thanks for any guidance.
He also won't even attempt to learn things he doesn't like. For example, he doesn't get technology at all and is being forced to retire because his hospital is becoming all computer based. The man can't even check his visual voicemail on his iphone. Again he is insanely smart so this block of his is just perplexing and frustrating to my H.
I haven't heard a lot about adult diagnoses and want to help my H somehow. Accepting the diagnosis has been a big struggle for my H. He had a pretty rough childhood with his mother having a mental illness, and has a lot of anger towards his father for ignoring things. He doesn't want to hear that his dad also had "a problem," as he puts it. I think he has had to excuse so much for his mom because of her illness and he doesn't want to give his dad an excuse too. I'm sorry if that sounds insensitive, I'm just trying to explain a bit of his mind frame.
I have been around here a bit because my son has T21 and a CHD. You ladies are such an awesome resource. Thanks for any guidance.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: S/O adults - accepting diagnosis
Sadly, he lacked both the support at home as well as outside of, with therapies...so now he comes across quite difficult. He grew up in a house and a time where mental disabilities were frowned upon, and life had to be "stepford." His parents loved him very much, but lacked the time and parenting needed to help a child with needs. There were nannies in the home a lot, and my grandfather worked long hours. In the end, their choices of discipline as well as parenting style may have exacerbated the issues.
I think 'aspergers' can be a gift, as well as a curse if not harnessed. I notice a lot of sucessful people with Aspergers do better when they are in a leadership role, when they own their own company, or are a team leader in a job they love. Can your FIL hire an assistant to help with the technical part in the hospital? How old is he, was he planning on retiring ?
As for work I believe the retirement for computers is an excuse. He is not upset by it and seems to be having a hard time coping with work at this point. He has grabbed onto this as a way he can out without embarrassing himself. He is an incredibly gifted surgeon but he has never been able to deal with the politics necessary to have a successful career.
I also want to give my husband some credit. He is incredibly accepting and forgiving of his parents. Growing up in a very medical family dealing with serious mental illness really made it so he is very understanding. It's very clinical to him. This just seems to have brought up buried feelings.