File this under: Overthinking it - bringing home baby

GoodStuff05 · July 2014

I realize I am overthinking this, so please forgive me

My DD is 3 and goes to daycare and loves it. Our plan for my time in the hospital is to generally have our family help out, but they know that as long as everything happens during the week - they can make the decision to have her in daycare during the day (it's "camp" time and they do fun things so she loves it) or just opt to keep her home with them.

My husband and I were discussing today, if the coming-home-from-the-hospital day falls during the week, is he going to have her go to daycare and just the three of us (DH, me, new baby) come home... or would he bring DD too? He seemed to feel it would be easier to have her in daycare (which it would), but I'm just wondering whether it's somehow... for lack of a better word... psychologically better for her to be a part of that. She is very excited to be a big sister, but I'm sure she has no idea what she's in for. Is it more "Huh?" for her to arrive home from daycare that day to a baby already in the house and now that's just how it is... or do you think it helps her adjust to help us bring the baby home, help get him set up, etc.

I feel like I lean towards having her be a part of it. Wondering if any STM+ have thoughts?

lindslalala · July 2014

I think I would keep her in preschool every day except for the day you bring the baby home. Since she enjoys going I wouldn't take that away from her during such a big adjustment period.

BBColt78 · July 2014

Can you guys all pick her up from daycare and then go home?

I have a three year old too, so I get it:)

I will say we are bringing lo home and then dd will come out to the car and help bring her new sister in:)

jnnfrrose6 · July 2014

DS went to DC while,I was in the hospital and would visit after DH picked him up for the day. I went home on a Sunday, but if it had been Monday we would have left him at DC and had DH pick him up later. Didn't need the extra kid to worry about on top of getting me and DD out of the hospital. I did get home during his nap so when he woke up we were there. We also told him the days before when DD would be coming home so it wasn't a total surprise.

unaveragejane · July 2014

I think either way would work out just fine emotionally for your daughter. It could be a big surprise when she's gets home from DC that day, or it could be a fun, exciting trip to the hospital to go bring home her new sibling. My only hesitation with bringing her to the hospital for when you are getting ready to leave is that it can be kind of disorganized and hectic. With DS1, we had to wait for our pediatrician to sign off on letting us leave (which took two hours longer than expected b/c it was a Saturday), then get the car loaded up with all the things we brought plus the truckload of gifts that family and friends had brought. This time around, we'll have a 2-year-old in the mix, and I'm honestly not sure what we'll do.

iris427 · July 2014

I'd send her to daycare personally, but if you want her to help bring the baby home, do that. I think she'll adjust fine either way.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

DS doesn't go to daycare so I don't know how we'd actually handle it but I would probably opt to send him to daycare the day we got discharged, then have DH pick him up and maybe make a special stop to pick up a new baby balloon or something at the store to bring home. But DS will do just about anything for a balloon so I know that would work and make him feel special - not sure if your DD would feel the same or not.

I would think it would just be a little easier to have her come home after you and baby are already at the house and settled a bit. But I'd definitely prep her so she knows the baby will be there and won't have the "huh?" reaction when she walks in.

GoodStuff05 · July 2014

Great suggestions, thank you. I hadn't considered the pick her up on way home and/or the making it extra special with a balloon idea, but I can see that having her at daycare during the somewhat stressful getting out of hospital part, yet making it more of an "event" when she comes home could be a nice balance.

Thanks!

AKB090609 · July 2014

I'd leave big sis at daycare, less routine disruption for her, more rest time for you. Perhaps you can bring the new baby to pick your DD up from day care (at your normal pick up time) on your first day home.

kmawb · July 2014

We intend on having DD at daycare with minimal disruption if possible (although if I have DS before the 14th she'll be at home since daycare is closed for vacation until then).

As for bring baby home, I'm not sure but we will either have DH pick DD up and then come to the hospital to get DS and I or the three of us will leave the hospital and then pick up DD at daycare (providing the timing works out). Hmmmm... lots to consider. I like the idea of a balloon for DD the day we bring DS home since she loves balloons but we do already have a big sister gift for her from DS (an Octonauts playset that she is going to lose her mind over), I just have to wrap it.

darkangel42 · July 2014

I'd take the oldest to daycare and have whoever picks her up tell her that the new baby is home.

This keeps the routine steady(or steadier), makes coming home for mama and baby a bit easier, gives both time to settle at home and gives the older sibling a bit of warning to talk about whats going on during the trip home from daycare. That's just what I'd do, it depends how the birth goes and how much the older likes routine though.

honeybee434 · July 2014

I'm a FTM so I haven't had to deal with a 3 year old, but depending on your hospital procedures it may be harder to discharge having another set of feet to take care of. It seemed to take forever for them to get everything in order for me to get out of there, had to have me doc, baby doc, baby nurse, lactation nurse, and my nurse all go over papers with me, then unhooked from the security system bands, then my nurse forgot to make sure the doc had my scripts so had to wait another 30 mins for my dr to get back around, transport took about 20 minutes to get the wheel chair I had to be wheeled down in, then DH had to carry down the carseat and pull the car around....it was such a process. (Longest run on sentence ever.) I would want someone else watching her during that.

jcartz · July 2014

We are keeping DD at camp during the week and trying to keep her schedule as normal as possible, but for coming home we decided to do it all together. DH will pick her up even if it's early, bring her to hospital to pick me & baby up, and then we are going home together as a fam of 4.

bewilderingstar · July 2014

Maybe pick her up from daycare right before being discharged so she can "help" bring baby home. That way she is a part of the entire process and you'll have that nuclear family feeling.

I'd be nervous of going home with baby first and then having elder sib come in afterwards feeling left out and displaced.

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