Intro - and feeling torn about TTC DS mentioned

MissLMS · July 2014

Hi all, I've been here before but it's been a while. I'm Lydia, 32, I m/c for the second time in January. We planned on taking a breather and TTC starting in May or June, but then we've had a lot going on (DS was hospitalized and diagnosed with a blood disorder, DH had to have surgery to remove a large tumor.)

Fast forward to now - and I don't know that I'm ready to TTC. It seems like every time I get on FB someone else I know is having a baby or getting ready to have one and it honestly hurts so bad because I know it would have been me. I want to be pg again. I want desperately to have another child, and I feel like the little hole in my heart that was left by my last pregnancy loss will only feel better after a successful pregnancy. (Sounds awful, but that's how I got through my first m/c.)

But then, I just have a huge fear of having another m/c. I am worried how I will deal with the stress, the fear. I also have started to have anxiety since the loss in January and everything that has happened since. I guess I feel like I should be in a better, more stable place before we TTC again.

How do you know when you are ready?

tlc35 · July 2014

Welcome to the board. There is no easy answer to the question of when to try again. If you don't feel ready yet, then it is ok to wait. I'm sorry for your loss.

arschm02 · July 2014

I posted this question a while back on the pgal board, "how did you know you were ready?" The consensus over there seemed to be that when their desires for another pregnancy/baby outweighed their fear and anxieties. Unfortunately, i don't think any future pregnancy will be w/o intense fear of another m/c. I am so sorry for your loss and all your stressors lately. If you're not ready to TTC yet, be patient with yourself. It's okay that you're not ready. You will be some day. If you decide you are, I'm sure a lot of these ladies will be here to support you.

sunflwra · July 2014

Welcome to the board, I'm so sorry for your losses. As others have said, you have to find the right time for you and know that the fear won't necessarily go away, but have a plan to manage it. Have you mentioned your anxiety to your doctor? I know that there's a certain level of anxiety that all of us who've had losses will probably always have but if it's affecting your day to day life beyond a certain extent, it's probably worth discussing with your doctor, especially as you TTC again. Good luck and I hope the wonderful ladies here can help!

Km380 · July 2014

I'm sorry for your loss and everything else you've been through. Like everyone has said, when you're ready you'll know. It's ok to wait longer if that's how you feel. Good luck

mpiemont · July 2014

Welcome & so sorry for your loss. I completely understand where you are coming from with wanting to TTC but fearing another loss. Take time to make sure you're healed and hopefully you'll know when it's the right time to try again.

MrsKush1014 · July 2014

Welcome to the board and I sorry for your losses. I agree with PPs, you'll know in your heart when it's time to try again. We'll always have the fear of another loss, but eventually the desire to have a baby will be greater than that fear.

ashlee113085 · July 2014

I'm so sorry for your losses and all you have gone through recently. Welcome to the board. It's always difficult getting back into ttc, but only you will know when it's right for you. I think to an extent the fear will always be there, but as PPs have said eventually the desire for a baby will outweigh the fear. I hope you find a lot of support here.

rslh10 · July 2014

***LC mentioned***

Welcome to the board I am so sorry for your losses. I hope that you can find comfort and answers here. These ladies really help, and I am so glad I have such an array of honest answers from them. As for me, TTC again right away was a given. I want my son to have a sibling ASAP more than anything in this world. I also have developed anxiety over the past three years that is at times pretty awful to deal with. So, I can relate a little on that front. PM if you ever need to vent:) hugs!

jjbmstinco · July 2014

PPs have given you great advice. I am sorry to hear about your losses and recent struggles with your DS. While we don't have an answer for you, we are all here to support each other whether TTC or TTA or in between.

Welcome!

stinybean · July 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss and the other issues you've had to deal with. I agree with everyone else in that you're going to know when the want outweighs the fear. I think everyone on this board will always in the back of their mind will have the fear. I hope you find the support you are looking for here. Welcome to a great community.

jennadesigns · July 2014

Welcome and I'm sorry for your loss. I think most of the previous posters are right when they say the desire for another child becomes greater than the fear that something is going to go wrong. That being said, I - and I think almost everyone in our places - fears that. It's normal to some extent, but if it's really bothering you, talk to your doctor about it. Maybe he or she can give you some information to ease some of your concerns. We have a great TTA board for those of us who want to TTC but are holding off - either for medical reasons or because we're not there emotionally yet. I hope you find comfort and support in these boards.

beemaya83 · July 2014

Welcome to the board! I am a newbie here as well. Hang in there, I'm in a similar situation and totally understand where you are coming from. You will know when the time is right to TTC again. I am sorry for your loss.

daffodil428 · July 2014

I'm sorry for all you're going through. In regards to knowing when you're ready, that's a tough one. For me I wanted to try again as soon as I could. Not because I wanted a replacement or that I didn't love or want my last baby. I wanted to try again as soon as possible to not give my fear and anxiety the upper hand. I wanted to "get back on the horse" as they say. My feeling is if I jump right into the deep end I'll figure out how to stay above water once I'm in. So when I'm cleared to ttc I'll try again.

Whatever you choose. Good luck.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

Welcome to the board. I'm so sorry for your loss. Honestly, I think it's a mental and physical choice. You're going to be afraid no matter what and the timing may never be what you imagined, but you have to decide you want it more than you fear it. Taking to someone about your fears would be a good place to start. I hope you find this board to be comforting during this time!

meredithcarole · July 2014

I am sorry for your loss. It is certainly okay to try a couple of month NTNP to ease back in. You definitely don't want to push yourself into something if you are not quite ready, but I agree with everyone else that there will come a day when the desire to move forward will outweigh the fear. I also agree that having experienced a loss that fear will never fully go away. The best you can do is remember that the past does not predict the future. Welcome.

BackstreetPixie · July 2014

So sorry for your losses. ::Hugs:: What others have already said and what I was always told is this: "You know you are ready to try again when the desire to have a baby outweighs the fear of having a m/c or loss." For me that took 3 months. For others it may take longer. If is what feels right for you. I hope you figure it out. Have you thought about talking with a grief counselor? It is very helpful and can help you think through your anxieties a little bit. I don't think the fear every goes away completely, unfortunately, after experiencing a loss. If you decide you need to wait, there is a TTA (trying to avoid) check in you can join. I was part of it until recently and it is a very supportive group and it really helps to talk to others who are waiting for various reasons. I hope you find the support you need. ::Hugs::

MissLMS · July 2014

Thank y'all so much for all the support. I think part of my hesitation is due to the last m/c experience - I lost half the blood in my body and had to have emergency blood transfusion and d&c. Without it it would have been bad. Most of our family thinks we are nots to want to TTC after that , when we already have two healthy DC. But y'all are right, the right time will come hopefully, when the fear subsides. Thank you again ladies!!!

alm288 · July 2014

I'm so sorry for you losses. I agree with the other ladies - you'll know when you are ready. I definitely feel like I am ready, but I would certainly be nervous. Good luck and welcome.

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