jealousy? resentment?

honoraurora · July 2014

Hey hey ladies! Happy 4th! I'm not sure if this is an OK topic to discuss but I literally have no other ppl in my life that would understand and DH is very understanding but he doesn't feel the same (or maybe he does??) Anyway, I've seen sooo many of my close friends & co workers recently get pregnant, or deliver beautiful babies- how does everyone deal while TTC with others close to you becoming pregnant or having children? I'm really happy for them & I have faith that we will get our baby one day but these emotions just keep popping up uugghh!

mlebates · July 2014

They will continue to pop up until it finally happens to you. They get easier to deal with over time though. It's very hard to watch your friends and family get pregnant, and wish so badly that it was you. My cousins new wife was due 4 days after I was supposed to be due with my most recent pregnancy. THAT was heart crushing for me. NOT that they were pregnant, because they deserve that blessing just as much as I do, but that I didn't get to share in the joy of announcing my pregnancy.

pippacricket · July 2014

honoraurora said:

Hey hey ladies! Happy 4th! I'm not sure if this is an OK topic to discuss but I literally have no other ppl in my life that would understand and DH is very understanding but he doesn't feel the same (or maybe he does??) Anyway, I've seen sooo many of my close friends & co workers recently get pregnant, or deliver beautiful babies- how does everyone deal while TTC with others close to you becoming pregnant or having children? I'm really happy for them & I have faith that we will get our baby one day but these emotions just keep popping up uugghh!

I keep in mind that the women around me that do get pregnant, aren't taking something away from me and I have no idea how long they were TTC. For all you know, those women struggled with the same emotions as you. Also, I've found that home improvement projects help distract me.

spiltmilkz · July 2014

Your feelings are understandable, it's how you deal with them that matters. The day I found out I had miscarried, 2 friends went into labor and another announced she was expecting. It ok to feel frustrated and jealous but just remember that they may have been having these feelings too at some point. In any situation it is hard to see others get what you want. Stay strong and find something that makes you happy to help pass the time. A hobby? A sport? I am going to start playing tennis as soon as this ordeal is over.

honoraurora · July 2014

Lol yes! I love the idea: 1. They aren't taking anything away from ME 2. they may have been trying for a while also!
So, maybe I need to hit home depot lol & get a few projects in mind!

I knew that I would get some supportive responses here! Much appreciated....

Remylove1011 · July 2014

I totally understand the being jealous of others. My three best girlfriends are all pregnant right now and due around the same time. It's been baby talk all the time and lots of asking when it will happen for us. I think it's important to remember that their being pregnant doesn't take anything away from you or change your journey ttc. I've found it helps to be excited for them and it helps to make yourself busy!

Also remember that you don't know everyone else's struggles. Since I do know how long it took for each of my girlfriends it helps to remind myself that it was not a quick and easy road for any of them!

spiltmilkz · July 2014

DarcyHermione said:
Jealousy? Yes. Resentment? No.

I have to remind myself sometimes that other peoples fertility means nothing for me.

I have to go back on part of my statement and agree with @DarcyHermione‌
The feelings of jealousy are normal but resentment is probably not an accurate description of what should be felt in this situation. I could never resent someone for having a baby or getting pregnant.

DaikokuJess · July 2014

I don't know that I have any answers that will work for you, but I can relate. I teach at a small school of only about 30 staff. This past school year, 9...NINE of my coworkers announced or gave birth. I am overwhelmed with joy for each one of them. I can't wait to be as happy as they are. I will say, though, that when summer break rolled around I was relieved to not spend 40+ hours a week surrounded by people who have what I've been unable to attain. I was starting to allow myself to throw daily pitty parties in my head. Not a good place to be. I look forward to being in a better place mentally when I return. I have found meditation helpful in so many ways.

Your feelings of jealousy are natural and it's great to have a place like this to express those feelings.

Good luck with your journey!!

RogueZymosis · July 2014

I've seen a couple of these posts. I have always enjoyed talking to pregnant women about their journey. Recently when i see a pregnant woman or woman with a young baby I really want to ask them about the products they use, how are they feeling, and other related questions. But, i have noticed I'm actually more hesitant that I used to be to actually walk up to them and talk. I have read and learned how it feels to be newly pregnant and that everyone feels entitled to discuss personal things when pregnant. Pregnant women need their space too! I guess what I'm saying is think of things from their perspective a little too?

honoraurora · July 2014

Yes, I'm in the same boat I used to ask 200 questions & touch their belly BUT now that DH & I are TTC it's completely different! I'm learning to be a little more mature about this, I'm actually heading to home depot & Walmart now to begin some house projects, maybe start a garden? I'm going to have to not allow others success to effect my mood/day

Just moving on....but it's awesome to have TB to get to vent to some awesome ladies lol

FitMom3510 · July 2014

I feel happy for them of course but at the same time I get a little sad because I want to be pregnant too but I know my time will come some day and gives me the boost to have more sex.

anfranklin2 · July 2014

@honoraurora‌ I know exactly how you feel! It makes me feel like I'm a bad person, but I felt it especially after our loss last cycle(about 2 weeks ago). And right now I'm visiting family out of town without fiancé and my cousins wife is newly pregnant, so everything seems to be revolving around the pregnancy. Which is hard to not be jealous of it!! I love my cousin and I am very happy for him and his wife but it is so hard to deal with the jealousy that's come from ttc

honoraurora · July 2014

eevieemariee · July 2014

My SiL found out she was pregnant while I was going through my quarter life crisis where I wanted a baby, like yesterday. I cried for about 4 hours straight and I was actually partly crying because they deserve their baby and happiness, and I felt like shit for feeling so miserable about it. But with my husband's help, I put on my big girl panties, went to Barnes & Noble and bought her What to Expect (I know some people think it's garbage, but it's traditional!), a baby journal, and a lovely card. I'm trying so hard to be helpful and supportive this time around. Trying not to ask too many questions but still show my interest and happiness for this new baby and their joy without being intrusive or overbearing.
When my other SiL got pregnant (at the age of 17, still in HS, on purpose, and with a boy she probably hadn't even dated for 6 mo, who were gonna be together for the rest of their lives [SPOILER ALERT: they broke up 3 months after the baby was born, much to everyone's surprise, I'm sure]) about 5 years prior, I lost my cool and gave her a piece of my mind. Which was totally not my place and has seriously damaged my relationship with my in laws. Thankfully, years and a lot of mistakes later, I'm proud to say I've grown up a bit.
Sadly, it gets easier with time. Babies are a natural and wonderful part of life. Even when other people's happiness seems to dampen your own or shine a bright spot on your own insecurities. Don't get me wrong, I still die a little inside when I find out someone else I went to high school with/who is younger than I/who is not married/in a stable relationship/financial situation winds up pregnant; but I'm proud to say I recover much more quickly and with a lot more grace.
I'd actually never really heard the phrase "you cannot compare your fertility to someone else's" until I joined here. It's so obvious, and yet, has really put things in perspective for me...

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