help I need some advice.

Elisa8683 · July 2014

Our DD will be here Monday, and my DH and I are definitely vaccinating her. My issue is that my best friend has her baby 3 months ago and did not vaccinate at all. I know that's her decision but I don't feel comfortable with her baby around my newborn. Am I overreacting? Is anyone else going through this? Any advice on how to tell her without ruining our friendship?

Dream123456778 · July 2014

Such a sticky situation. Have you discussed this with your pediatrician? It may help if you tell her this is what your pediatrician said.

huggabunch · July 2014

I think that you will find the health and safety of your child is more important than possibly hurting her feelings. Good luck! If she really is a good friend, she will understand.

littlemissmarla · July 2014

I'm sure she has to recognize that choosing to not vaccinate is not a popular opinion and that there are people in the world who would not feel comfortable having their children around hers, I would be upfront with her and hopefully she understands. If not, then what kind of friend doesn't respect your choices to protect your child..

McCormic1020 · July 2014

Coming from a STM who happens to not be anti vaccine but is on board to give my son an alternate schedule of vaccines thinks you're crazy. You're best friend's unvaccinated baby is not going to hurt your baby. You are ridiculous and if my b.f. came to me with that, I'd hate her forever. Just saying.
It's great that you're worried about your daughter but that's a bit much.

clebl24 · July 2014

Such a touchy topic. I'd tell her that you respect her decision, but until your LO is old enough to be vaccinated that you feel it is best that they aren't around each other. I agree that you can also fall back on your pediatrician's medical advice. A true friend should respect your decision without causing a stink.

marsalisails · July 2014

I'm guessing that if they aren't vaccinating their kid, that they aren't vaccinated against things like flu and whooping cough either.

Just as a frame of reference, my husband hasn't updated his pertussis yet, and i told him if he's not vaccinated by the time I have this baby, HE won't even be allowed near her.

I'm not even close to joking.

cuntasaurusrex · July 2014

McCormic1020 said:

Coming from a STM who happens to not be anti vaccine but is on board to give my son an alternate schedule of vaccines thinks you're crazy. You're best friend's unvaccinated baby is not going to hurt your baby. You are ridiculous and if my b.f. came to me with that, I'd hate her forever. Just saying. It's great that you're worried about your daughter but that's a bit much.

q We're going on a delayed schedule and I think you're an asshole. I wouldn't let the unvaccinated kid be around my newborn.

McCormic1020 · July 2014

The only vaccine a baby receives before 2 mos of age is HEP B.. which is blood/transfer so who's the assholes here? FYI don't let your grandma around your baby either, she hasn't had the whopping cough vaccine... you haven't done enough research to support your PRO decision. Btw my bestie and I tend to agree on the health and well being of our children. I don't think you can say something about her child and not offend her.

marsalisails · July 2014

McCormic1020 said:
Coming from a STM who happens to not be anti vaccine but is on board to give my son an alternate schedule of vaccines thinks you're crazy. You're best friend's unvaccinated baby is not going to hurt your baby. You are ridiculous and if my b.f. came to me with that, I'd hate her forever. Just saying.
It's great that you're worried about your daughter but that's a bit much.

Again - i don't think it's about the baby per Se - it's about the parents. If the PARENTS of this baby aren't vaccinated (and if they aren't vaccinating their kid AT ALL, then chances are they aren't up to date), they are bringing potentially harmful things into the home. It's fine if they don't want to protect their kid, but mine would have to have her shots before I let them come within 100 feet of her. Pertussis is no joke - delaying that is just foolish.

Our doctor had us on an alternative schedule just so he wasn't getting a million different ones at once - having worked with virologists, the only thing to consider really is the metals (siver specifically) they add as preservatives in small ppm.

For you to "hate someone forever" for trying to protect their infant from something that has been PROVEN to kill newborns (very recently) is what is ridiculous. Your choices are just that - yours. It doesn't mean anyone else has to agree with them, or entertain them - even your best friends.

Elisa8683 · July 2014

I knew there would be at least one close minded hippie tree hugger who would call me an ass hole because I didn't see her way of thinking. I did not say my friend was wrong for not vaccinating her baby. He's her baby, she carried him, she can do what she wants to with him as far as his wellbeing. Her choice. Is it something I would do...no. but that's my choice. Believe it or not McCormic1020, not everyone is considered an ass hole if they don't agree with you.

cuntasaurusrex · July 2014

Matthew930 said:

Coming from a STM who happens to not be anti vaccine but is on board to give my son an alternate schedule of vaccines thinks you're crazy. You're best friend's unvaccinated baby is not going to hurt your baby. You are ridiculous and if my b.f. came to me with that, I'd hate her forever. Just saying. It's great that you're worried about your daughter but that's a bit much.
Again - i don't think it's about the baby per Se - it's about the parents. If the PARENTS of this baby aren't vaccinated (and if they aren't vaccinating their kid AT ALL, then chances are they aren't up to date), they are bringing potentially harmful things into the home. It's fine if they don't want to protect their kid, but mine would have to have her shots before I let them come within 100 feet of her. Pertussis is no joke - delaying that is just foolish. Our doctor had us on an alternative schedule just so he wasn't getting a million different ones at once - having worked with virologists, the only thing to consider really is the metals (siver specifically) they add as preservatives in small ppm. For you to "hate someone forever" for trying to protect their infant from something that has been PROVEN to kill newborns (very recently) is what is ridiculous. Your choices are just that - yours. It doesn't mean anyone else has to agree with them, or entertain them - even your best friends.

Booya. And plus also, it's not saying anything at all about her child. It's saying something about the friend's stupid and irresponsible choices.

TurtleMonsters · July 2014

Elisa8683 said:

I knew there would be at least one close minded hippie tree hugger who would call me an ass hole because I didn't see her way of thinking. I did not say my friend was wrong for not vaccinating her baby. He's her baby, she carried him, she can do what she wants to with him as far as his wellbeing. Her choice. Is it something I would do...no. but that's my choice. Believe it or not McCormic1020, not everyone is considered an ass hole if they don't agree with you.

Inormally stay our of this debate, but it's not all about "her baby"...vax's don't work because individuals get to choose to do it or not. They work because everyone gets them. From a mom with a immune compromised child, who reacts to vax's but still has them, but may soon not be able to have them or be safe around those that don't, those statements really are disconcerting. NExt year, I get to decide if I want to protect my child from these potentially viruses, OR exacerbate his condition more, as he IS sensitive to vax's...and this past year had a very hard time recovering from them. But the alternative is far worse...there is a reason we're seeing viruses that were barely existent explode- it's called choosing not to vax. We're all very comfortable putting our "beliefs" on the table when we haven't been exposed very long to the devesatation these illnessed have caused. But this isn't about "believing"...believing something doesn't protect your kid from whooping cough.

AS for OP, your kid, your rules. Honestly, I don't think you have much to worry about, but seriously, your the mom, if that bothers you, there are ways to put it so that you're not ending a friendship over vax's. It's worth a rational, serious conversation. I would hope she values your friendship enough to entertain an adult conversation about the issue.

huggabunch · July 2014

Actually all people over the age of 65 are being encouraged to have their Tdap vaccine updated, so many, many grandmas have had this. In fact about 70% of my elderly patients have had their pertussis booster through the Tdap vaccine. So nice try, but I'm pretty certain you don't know what you're talking about.

Jbosarge85 · July 2014

McCormic1020 said:

Coming from a STM who happens to not be anti vaccine but is on board to give my son an alternate schedule of vaccines thinks you're crazy. You're best friend's unvaccinated baby is not going to hurt your baby. You are ridiculous and if my b.f. came to me with that, I'd hate her forever. Just saying. It's great that you're worried about your daughter but that's a bit much.

You sounds like a child. Grow up. You can't expect everyone to be accepting of your way of vaccinating your child but be unwilling to accept that they also want to protect their child. And honestly if I had a friend that I had an adult conversation with about wanting to wait till my baby is vaccinated before being around their child and they decided to "hate me forever"then good riddance. An adult would understand it's not being said to be mean it's about making sure your child is ok.

MississippiCatfish · July 2014

There are a LOT of vaccines that every 3 month old has not had, including those on the CDC recommended schedule. And any vaccines that they have had will be just the first of several doses. So vaccinated 3 months olds don't have statistically significant higher amounts of immunity than unvaccinated. It's your choice, but think things through and get informed. I think that's what you're doing right here, so good job.

CDC Immunization Schedule

PS. Yes, I vax.

ETA: Missed an 's'.

cookiemomma14 · July 2014

I think this is a touchy subject. While the LO is a newborn, I think it is easier to say "no" about being around the baby to protect them. However as the child gets older, it becomes impossible to keep them from others that are not vaccinated (in public places and at schools). I think it's ok to take precautions to keep LO safe though.

ETA: words are hard

Unknown · July 2014

This content has been removed.

TallMomma29 · July 2014

@McCormic1020‌, the only one ridiculous here is you. There is so much ignorance and stupidity in your comments I just can't stand it.

As for the OP, I don't think you are being crazy at all! I'm in a similar situation because my brother has chosen not to vaccinate any of their 4 kids, who are the only cousins of my LO (DH is an only child and my other brother doesn't want kids). "Luckily" they live out of state so it will be easy to keep my baby away from her kids without any awkward conversations for awhile, but I have no idea what I will do down the road.

If I had a friend or family member in town who did not vaccinate, I would just be honest and say that I am not comfortable having my newborn around those kids (at least until she is vaccinated). There is no way to make that an easy conversation, but it's worth it for the health of your baby!

cyndelgrace · July 2014

It sounds like you have a real love and respect for her and if she has the same for you, she'll understand. Personally, I think you may reach a point where you've reached a spot in the schedule where you feel she has protection and you've reached a spot where you recognize there is a risk everywhere and you will be more comfortable around their family. It's okay if that isn't in the newborn stage. And depending on how you feel, it could be much, much later. I hope the conversation goes well. Stick with your mama gut.

beff12 · July 2014

My dad was getting his yearly checkup and was sharing about becoming a grandfather, and his doctor recommended that he and anyone planning on spending much time around our baby get their tdap. So each grandparent has gotten it, and MY grandma has gotten it. I'll see your granny and raise you a great-granny.

McCormic1020 said:
The only vaccine a baby receives before 2 mos of age is HEP B.. which is blood/transfer so who's the assholes here? FYI don't let your grandma around your baby either, she hasn't had the whopping cough vaccine... you haven't done enough research to support your PRO decision. Btw my bestie and I tend to agree on the health and well being of our children. I don't think you can say something about her child and not offend her.

TugboatSheila · July 2014

Yeah not to be THAT asshole but... My grandmother actually died of teburculosis. Had she had access to a tdap vaccine I might have gotten the chance to meet her.

And we kindly asked all 4 living soon-to-be-grandparents to get the shot because there have been whooping cough cases at our general practitioner.

ETA: OP- I think there are ways to go about this that are tactful (much more tactful than debating the pros and cons of vaccinating. You can tell her that you respect her decisions and hope she respects yours and that you wish to not have your baby around any other unvaccinated newborns, infants, kids until yours has had the chance to be protected.Don't make it about her decision to vaccinate, make it about your decision to vaccinate your own child.

aimeepigott · July 2014

I'm a STM my first has been vaccinated, all lil ones in my fam have been vaccinated and all adult family members in my family have had flu shots and Tdap boosters including my gma. My cousin has a 5 mo old that was a premie so between the two of us being pregnant together for a short period and her LO coming early our family has decided to take those precautions. DH's family could give a rats ass and that is why they are not welcome to hold LO when he is born. They may come visit but can not get close enough to him. That was the only middle ground I would make with DH. I am one of many that agree.....YOUR BABY YOUR RULES!!! Do what's in your gut if she doesn't understand she's not that good of a friend and she'll get it one day! Good luck!

unaveragejane · July 2014

OP, we have chosen to vax on a slightly delayed schedule, and I would not personally be offended if any of my friends told me they would prefer to keep our kids separate until our shots were "caught up" so to speak. In all reality, he wasn't in close physical proximity to very many infants or kids until he was bigger anyway. (He was that baby who always needed to be held.)

@browneyedtornado - I could certainly be wrong, but I don't think the Tdap would protect against Tuberculosis. Did you mean Pertussis? But I agree with your suggestions about how to tactfully present the issue.

TugboatSheila · July 2014

unaveragejane said:
OP, we have chosen to vax on a slightly delayed schedule, and I would not personally be offended if any of my friends told me they would prefer to keep our kids separate until our shots were "caught up" so to speak. In all reality, he wasn't in close physical proximity to very many infants or kids until he was bigger anyway. (He was that baby who always needed to be held.)

@browneyedtornado - I could certainly be wrong, but I don't think the Tdap would protect against Tuberculosis. Did you mean Pertussis? But I agree with your suggestions about how to tactfully present the issue.

Wow yeah I misquoted myself. Thanks for pointing that out. I meant teburculosis and completely made an ass of myself. The T inTdap clearly stands for tetanus (which I actually know) but I, inaccurately used that as a connection between her and vaccines.

Big+Lil · July 2014

I live in the heart of the CA measles outbreak, and brought up my concerns at our first well baby yesterday. Our pediatrician gave me a nice script to follow to use. She told me to be very cautious with who to invite over for play dates with my (vaccinated) daughter.

Ekg688 · July 2014

While we're on the subject, is Tdap only available at drs offices? Do they offer it at pharmacies? Would they give one to DH at the hospital when I deliver (lol, but really!?) I only ask bc he's a vet and doing anything through the VA is a PITA and he would be there all freaking day. His most recent one would have been probably 2 years ago (maybe longer?)

Big+Lil · July 2014

@Ekg688‌ he's probably good, they told me that my husbands tdap from 2011 was ok. We were given the booster so baby would get our antibodies.

SuperTinkerham · July 2014

I got my TDAP at Walgreens clinic.

Ekg688 · July 2014

Thanks

BBColt78 · July 2014

McCormic1020 said:

Coming from a STM who happens to not be anti vaccine but is on board to give my son an alternate schedule of vaccines thinks you're crazy. You're best friend's unvaccinated baby is not going to hurt your baby. You are ridiculous and if my b.f. came to me with that, I'd hate her forever. Just saying. It's great that you're worried about your daughter but that's a bit much.

So, there are adults like this, or are you still in junior high?

As an adult, I respect my friends' decisions, especially a best friend. Hell no would I allow her baby around mine until my had her vax. And because we are best friends, she would understand my decision. And being a mother herself, if she couldn't respect my decision to keep my baby "safe", she's no longer a friend. Sorry, not sorry.

Elisa8683 · July 2014

Everything worked out well. She informed me that they decided to get his 2,4, and 6 month vaccinations but nothing after that (so no mmr or varicella) So as of now they can be around each other, but until she has her full MMR and Varicella at 1 year they will not be. She was great with everything and understood. Luckily she's more mature than some of the close-minded, holier than thou "mothers" who would "hate" their friends forever for standing up for what they believe in.

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