This whole PGAL thing is still a mindfuck to me. Instead of getting less worried as I get further along in pregnancy, I find myself more and more paranoid something bad will happen (PROM, cord accident, etc.). *sigh*
I am feeling better the further along I get, but I do still have an underlying fear of late term loss/stillbirth even though our loss was 12 weeks. I had a dream the other night that I think was indirectly about losing the baby, so it's still there. I don't think it'll go away until he or she is actually here!
TTC since Sept 2011, Unexplained IF Oct 12 - Jan 14: 3 clomid/TI cycles, 2 hysteroscopies, 2 IUIs, 1 BFP (MMC @ 12w), 2 more IUIs Feb 14: Gonal-f + IUI #5 = BFP! (EDD 11/4/14) Baby boy arrived 11/13/14!
I have never had a loss but I still feel a sense of doom. I have my a/s next week and am terrified they won't find a heartbeat. Every ache and pain makes me sure I'm going into preterm labor. I worry that my cervix Is shortening and I won't find out until It's too late. I think I've just been reading too much about what could go wrong. Plus with all the losses on this board, some even being very recent, it is a very real thing. Hopefully both of our worries are for nothing.
Yeah... It really blows! I have an anterior placenta so I don't think I've felt any movement yet which just makes it harder. I think I would feel better if I could feel LO moving around in there.
I still feel it here and there but I think it's more right now because I can't feel her move yet when others can feel their LOs. I was fine for a while after the anatomy scan but it keep creeping up on me the longer I go without being able to feel her move. Every time I go to the Dr she and I are right on track with everything so I try to keep that in mind.
I'm the same way! And of course, to make things worse, I didn't feel any movement yesterday! I went home and grabbed the doppler and heard the hb for like 5 seconds and then couldn't find it again! UGH. He has let me know this morning that he is still there though, thank goodness! I don't think I will be ok until he's actually in my arms.
My past does not dictate my future. A previous m/c does not mean I will have another m/c.
Just because something sad is happening to another poster, does not mean it will happen to you. We all know m/c and complications are not contagious!
Hope does not make bad things happen" You cannot jinx your pregnancy by creating a ticker, getting excited, or telling someone. Live in the positive!
There is nothing I can do to prevent a m/c from happening. Worrying yourself sick doesn't prevent a m/c. And if (God forbid) it were to happen again, I know I will survive
Yes. PGAL here as well and I still keep thinking I'm not going to really bring him home. My impending doom has leaked over in to my life, I'm extra worried about everything, my anxiety is so high and I feel like I'm waiting for something bad to happen. I try not to talk about it too much as to not sound whiney but I am right there with you. The cord thing has been on my mind currently. I also think to myself that something willl happen to me and I won't be able to bring my baby home. It was not like this with the other 2 children that I have so I'm certain it definitely has to do with PGAL. It just doesn't go away. At first I found myself having anxiety over the baby's bday in April, now I'm having anxiety because July, August and September of last year I was also pregnant and I just keep thinking about it.
My first baby is 2.5 years old and I continue to worry every day about him. So... I think it's just like that from here on out!
I can't see your ticker but are you a PGAL mom? I think @abbyful question was more directed towards those of us that have had a loss and are pregnant now. I know she has a son and I also have 2 sons and worrying about our living children is completely different then worrying about a loss while your pregnant. It is for me anyway.
I'm having a terrible time right now, but I contribute my anxiety to my upcoming a/s on Monday. A whole week before appointments, esp ultrasounds I'm worked up.
Another thing with being pgal, you never truly feel safe. We've all been robbed of that feeling and are far too aware of the "what cans."
I'm not sure if it's guilt, anxiety, hormones or a combination but most days I still shed tears and am in the mindset of the past two years of not believing pregnancy would ever happen for me.
(((Hugs))) all around. Stay strong ladies!
BFP#4 3/17/14 - rainbowBaby BOY arrived 11/10/14 !!
I'm in this boat - every milestone that passes with good news, I worry about something else (I have the cord accident thing in my head right now). I'm a worrier by nature, I worried with DS the whole time, but unlike with DS, I'm having a difficult time connecting this time around because of PGAL. Not thinking about names too much, DH is on me to get started on the nursery so he can get to work and start pulling out the baby things before I hit the 3rd and have less energy - but I can't seem to get motivated or think too much about it because of the "what-ifs." Then it makes me feel guilty because I was so into all the preparations for LOs big brother.........I feel like I'm shafting him before he's even here.
I was getting better. By 16 weeks I didn't think I had a lot to worry about. I thought my anatomy scan would be fine and was trying to get the ob to let me do it in her office instead of high risk doctor. Now baby has a minor heart defect but my 1st instinct was should I stop buying things. Maybe I should wait and not get any more excited. I was instantly preparing my self for the worst and putting up a wall. But of I do that I won't enjoy my pregnancy and would I not have A bond or emotional connection with her. I feel her move inside of me. I think hearing that she has a defect is making me emotionally connected more. She's going to be spoiled! I'm going to enjoy this and stop living in fear.
Btw I still look at tp after I wipe for blood. I shouldn't have to do that. I wish I could erase the memories of the 3 I lost.
I still worry every day that something bad could happen and its hard for me to get super excited about this pregnancy. This November board really seems to have experienced a lot of loss and tragedy, which makes me afraid I could be the next person to get bad news/have a loss. I just need it to be November so I can hold this sweet baby and stop feeling all the worry and dread.
Both of my losses were before DS1 and I don't think it's ever gone away. I still stress about losing DS1 somehow. I think it manifested itself into my PPA that felt like it was going away and then came back full force with this pregnancy.
ETA: I still hold my breath at every appointment waiting to hear the heartbeat.
pgal had three losses last year. I have past my milestones but still but easy. I have not announced on Facebook. I avoid telling people when they ask if any thing new is going on. I don't thinkiI i iI will be taking people till we are leaving hospital in Nov. I feel him seen him listen to my doppler. The fear never goes away. mine were not late losses but a loss is a loss it sucks!! however later I am sure is much harder especially if you knew what you were having. I have been more open with this board then any others even irl because I am scared.
I've had 3 losses, the most recent being at 12 weeks so I can't help but worry constantly. Especially because I haven't felt any movement at 21wks 3 days. I try to remind myself that this one is different. The others never had heart beats and I feel more relieved at every doctor's appointment. It's the weeks in between that get really hard. Hang in there, I know I'm trying to!
TTC #1 since November 2008
3 MC: #1 at 8wks (blighted ovum) opted for D&C, #2 at 6wks natural, #3 at 12wks (no heartbeat) opted for D&C.
EDD 11/11/2014..... Heard a heartbeat for the very first time at 8w2d and I couldn't be more excited!!! The fact that this LO has a heartbeat gives me hope that I may get to be a mother after all!!
I had my a/s yesterday and was super anxious all day even though I felt movement. Mine was more being afraid they would find something wrong and their would be no hope. A/S went fine and all looked good so I'm a little more calm now but probably won't be 100% until like 28 weeks since the baby has a really good chance to live if something went wrong and he/she had to be delivered early. My 1st pregnancy ended in a m/c and DS is 3 and that's also about the time my nerves were calm with him until I went in for my induction and thought oh no, what if they don't find a heartbeat even though I felt him moving inside. Just try to think positive and know that history doesn't always repeat itself.
I miscarried last November before I hit the 2nd trimester. I'm like most PP, no matter how much good news I get (a/s, movement, great test results) I'm still just worrying away. If any of you figure out a way to push time ahead to us holding our healthy babies let me know Although, I bet we all will still keep worrying over them even then.
Re: Any PGAL moms still feel impending doom?
TTC since Sept 2011, Unexplained IF
Oct 12 - Jan 14: 3 clomid/TI cycles, 2 hysteroscopies, 2 IUIs, 1 BFP (MMC @ 12w), 2 more IUIs
Feb 14: Gonal-f + IUI #5 = BFP! (EDD 11/4/14)
Baby boy arrived 11/13/14!
Me 32 and DH 40
Fur-baby named Bella
1 MC Nov. 2013
DD born Nov. 2, 2014
Little 2 EDD Oct. 1
PGAL Mantras
Today I am pregnant and I love my baby.
I am pregnant until someone tells me otherwise.
My past does not dictate my future. A previous m/c does not mean I will have another m/c.
Just because something sad is happening to another poster, does not mean it will happen to you. We all know m/c and complications are not contagious!
Hope does not make bad things happen" You cannot jinx your pregnancy by creating a ticker, getting excited, or telling someone. Live in the positive!
There is nothing I can do to prevent a m/c from happening. Worrying yourself sick doesn't prevent a m/c. And if (God forbid) it were to happen again, I know I will survive
Another thing with being pgal, you never truly feel safe. We've all been robbed of that feeling and are far too aware of the "what cans."
I'm not sure if it's guilt, anxiety, hormones or a combination but most days I still shed tears and am in the mindset of the past two years of not believing pregnancy would ever happen for me.
(((Hugs))) all around. Stay strong ladies!
BFP#4 3/17/14 - rainbow Baby BOY arrived 11/10/14 !!
DX: Uterine Septum - Resection 9/5/13 || MTHFR Hetero A1298C || My Chart
Btw I still look at tp after I wipe for blood. I shouldn't have to do that. I wish I could erase the memories of the 3 I lost.