Is it okay for me to vent???? My childcare bill just went up

starrdiva211 · July 2014

… and I am sick because I do not know how I am going to cover it.

My childcare story… My son currently has a private nanny but it wasn’t always full time. When I went back to work, I couldn’t put him in daycare because he was a preemie and the doctor said no! So, it was a godsend for me to find someone willing to watch him for way below market price. That lasted for a month because the person who was watching him found a full time job but she was still willing to pick him up from the daycare and watch him and watch him on the Saturdays I work (my work schedule is like this… two days noon-9; the other days 9-6 and every other Saturday 9-2. On one of my 9-6 days I get off if I am scheduled for a Saturday which means I gotta make up time so the others days could be 9-7 or 11-9). Person A could no longer watch him in the evenings or on Saturdays because she had two girls herself and they were involved in many activities.

The Lil Emperor stayed in this daycare but had two other “after care sitters” since and same thing… Had other priorities so couldn’t continue to pick him up and it became an issue with me picking him up so late on my late nights. And then came my current nanny… She is on the young side but she was a good fit and was able to pick him up while being a nanny for other kids. Around November ’13 she asked me could she watch him full-time because her other family was moving to California soon (and she didn’t want to go with them… they asked her). I was hesitant at first because I wanted him around other kids and in a more structured environment. And then his dad and I started having more and more problems and the therapy appointments and doctor appointments etc. It was hard to do but it became the best option for me to have a full time nanny.

Of course we have had our ups and downs (as most will have with daycare or nannies) but it has been a good experience. The Lil Emperor loves her, he has an extended family in the nanny’s mom, dad and brothers (and her mom has even helped me out in a pinch). When she told me the rate at which she wanted to watch him, I was like okay. It was way below the average rate for my area for live out nannies. Fast forward to now and her duties have went above and beyond. She takes the Lil Emperor to his feeding therapy appointments, has PT comes to her house once a week (some time twice a week), is willing to come pick him up early if I have a doctors appointment etc. She stated to me earlier this month that she would have to do a rate increase. She recalculated her hours and looked at her expenses and thought about what her other family charged and realized she has to do it. And this I understand…

Like I said, I cant afford it and I am sick at the stomach right now trying to figure out what the hell to do. I have tried looking into finding someone to help pay for it but because it is a private nanny it is almost non-existent (even though my son does have special needs and my work hours are not optimal). And the thought of me even asking his father for helps makes me sick as well simply because of the implications he may bring up.

Don’t know if I am really looking for advice but I just wanted to get this off of my chest…

Thanks for listening

MinnesotaMomma91 · July 2014

First things first, its okay to vent get put it all out there. This is a safe place.

Second, i know your nervous about asking his dad for help but maybe its for the best to do so.

Finally hugs, your in a tight spot. It does and will get better. Just take it a day at a time.

20thirteen · July 2014

Agree with Minnesota, this is a safe place, so don't ever worry about venting here.

What would happen if you did ask Lil Emporer's father to help? What would he bring up that makes you uncomfortable talking with him about this?

jellybean529 · July 2014

It's okay to vent. That sounds like a tough situation.

I second @roxalot and @minnesotamomma91. If you can, I would absolutely ask for help from your son's father. It sounds like it's in his best interest to do so. I don't know the backstory there, though, so trust your judgment.

Best of luck to you!

starrdiva211 · July 2014

Thank you ladies for letting me get that off my chest.

My son's father has always felt that I was only after him for his money. Asking for help with anything is sometimes a pain withthe words of selfish, soend thrift and even sometimes "digger" being thrown around. To avoid these convo's, I just try to handle everything myself.

But, I dont think I can this go round...

MinnesotaMomma91 · July 2014

Its hard to hear that stuff from your ex. But remember he helped make your lil emporer he can help be finacially responsible for him. Hold your head high and ignore his bullshit. It doesnt matter what he thinks as long as you know the truth and your lo is provided for.

evahankins · July 2014

Hey, lurker here- I'm not sure if this info applies to your location, but in MN it sounds like your lo would qualify for a Personal Care Asst (PCA). Children with increased support needs due to a medical/psychological diagnosis can apply to have the state fund a set number of hrs per week- Generally between 20-60 hrs. The main problem is finding a good PCA- so most families I know have someone they already know/trust go through the very brief training process ( several hrs) to become a PCA through a local agency. Ask your therapist or contact your county social worker for more info.

freeatlast2014 · July 2014

Omg, my stbxh used those same words. I get what you mean. But if you can't find the help through the state, than I think you might not have another option. So I guess best thing to do is find the best way to broach the subject.

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Is it okay for me to vent???? My childcare bill just went up

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