How does your DH deal?

dazdareis · July 2014

Hubby and I are in our 17th cycle of TTGP, w/ 3MCs, and he's been great to date. But he's starting to have a hard time with the charting, checking BBTs every morning, specific sex timing, etc. I get that he's feeling like the spontaneity is going and I understand ... How do your DHs feel about it all?

GiveMeWine · July 2014

I just keep him out of the loop, until the sex or unless he asks.

Edit to add words.

luvbunny · July 2014

My DH is completely on board with baby talk. He's been ready for awhile though (I was the one holding us up on TTC) and so I think he wants to be supportive and comforting as possible. I also don't tell him we're in the FW until after we have passed it.

anfranklin2 · July 2014

^^ same. The moment he knows I'm wanting sex bc it's right around O is the moment he starts complaining that I make it feel like a chore. So we just have a lot of sex all month. Keeps both of us happy

MiraK03 · July 2014

Mine doesn't want to know anything really... All except a BFP if we're lucky enough to get one. So I just keep him out of the loop. Works for us

Pinkrose1012 · July 2014

I keep most of the charting to myself unless my DH has a question. Usually he just wants to know when it is time to have sex.

jenmcD11 · July 2014

You made it to cycle 17 without sex ever feeling like a chore? Well done!

As others have said, I also try and filter out as much of the temping, OPK talk as I can unless he asks. H and I both flip flop between really enjoying baby making sex and feeling as you do. He wants a baby as much as I do though, so he doesn't feel used when I initiate baby making sex, sometimes it just takes a while for us both to warm up when we otherwise wouldn't have been in the mood.

Maybe it's time for some new lace panties and edible body paint?

Wine&Cupcakes · July 2014

We are just about beginning to TTC (either this month or next) and so far DH is super into it because he can't wait for all the sex. He's pretty excited about it and is convinced we will have sex every day during my FW and "every other day for the rest of the month." I'm going to let him live in that world for a while.

However, I can see things getting difficult as time goes on. We have very good friends who tried for 13 cycles before a BFP so he knows it can take a while...but I can see it getting tricky after a while. He's on board with my BBT, charting, OPK use, however...we're both trying to time as best as possible straight out of the gate because of my metabolic disorder, since I only need to treat it while TTC and pregnant...

MrsGreen92014 · July 2014

We're just starting ttc and my DH is super excited. He wants to know that I'm learning and all the little stuff. I hope he stays that way.

lizziemoore513 · July 2014

jenmcD11 said:

You made it to cycle 17 without sex ever feeling like a chore? Well done!

What she said! Haha we are on cycle 1, and he has already told me that I tell him too much. So, from here on out, I will be keeping him more out of the loop. He doesn't need to know the inner workings of my reproductive system unless he asks. He is on board for TTC, just doesn't need to know "hey, I'm ovulating!"

BillyHorrible · July 2014

Mine is just happy about all the sex. But that's his only role. He knows I temp and chart, but that doesn't really involve him. He'll ask if I've ovulated, because when we were TTA, that meant unprotected sex.

divinemsbee · July 2014

I'm the horrible wife in this regard. I don't care if it's 'scheduled sex,' this is how we get a baby. H is on board with this, and I do make sure that we have sex throughout the month.

Hegi627 · July 2014

Joy2611 said:

I'm the extreme minority on this board: We make sure we only ever have sex for sex, not proceation. If that means we only hit one day in my fertile window, then so be it.

This is us. I have wondered sometimes if that is why we are in cycle 13, but we have never had to have a conversation that included the words 'Sex isn't fun anymore.' Also, with hubs' narcolepsy there are times when he's not up to it. I refuse to make my husband feel bad, about a disease he can't control, just so we can have a baby.

jacqueleen1 · July 2014

H is fine with it, but I can see if it goes on over a year that he will get a bit worried that he's doing something wrong .

dazdareis · July 2014

I apologize, I had looked through the postings to find a similar thread, but could not. Most likely due to me using the APP and only seeing the first 3-4 words of the title.

We've had a few months in between TTC w/ MCs and other personal things. It's hard to hide the temping, as I do it right after waking up. At first he was a little disarmed by it all (by about 3-4 months in when I started charting) but now he's just frustrated. I know a lot stems from our losses, partly blaming himself, and me really only initiating during peak times. I've started pulling back from being so ... Earnest, hopefully that'll ease his mind!

scprincessrn · July 2014

I have to tell DH when the time is right because we work opposite shifts so we truly have to schedule it. The spontaneous sex is easier because neither one of us is exhausted. He knows how hard it is on me so I tries not to complain even though I know it bothers him. If my fertile window doesn't fall on a Monday or Tuesday (the days we have off together), I tell him that he needs to be ready when he gets off work and we get a quickie in before he goes to sleep.

catlover790 · July 2014

I'm sorry for your losses. I bet that is very hard for him in addition to missing the spontaneity. We are currently testing so lately all of our sex is for fun since I'm not ovulating! For awhile I know he felt a little pressure (not from me) but because he wants to get pregnant too and wanted to have good timing. He asked about my temp and if I thought I would O soon.

As others have mentioned I didnt tell him about my temps and OPKs unless he asked. Although now that we are testing we talk about a lot of that stuff and I think he is happier because he knows we will get answers and help soon. I think it is harder the longer it takes. I would try to have some date nights where you don't talk about babies or anything related and just connect as a couple. Good luck!

KatzKiss · July 2014

dazdareis said:

I apologize, I had looked through the postings to find a similar thread, but could not. Most likely due to me using the APP and only seeing the first 3-4 words of the title. We've had a few months in between TTC w/ MCs and other personal things. It's hard to hide the temping, as I do it right after waking up. At first he was a little disarmed by it all (by about 3-4 months in when I started charting) but now he's just frustrated. I know a lot stems from our losses, partly blaming himself, and me really only initiating during peak times. I've started pulling back from being so ... Earnest, hopefully that'll ease his mind!

I'm glad you said this because it was the first thing I thought after reading your OP. I think sometimes we get so caught up in our own emotions about losses and don't pay as much attention to what H/SO is going through. They are the rocks that we lean on. Maybe he's not done mourning yet. Be patient and talk to him about it. I don't mean to sound all self helpy about it, but communication is an important part of this process. Not telling him about ovulation and fertile CM is fine, but talking about how he feels about getting TTC and moving forward is salient.

~Mrs.Wise~ · July 2014

DH and I are on cycle 9 this time (we've taken a few breaks since this isn't going well for us) and I think he might want a baby even more than I do. He is always asking where I'm at in the cycle and asking if I've done my OPKs and wants to be home when I test. Also we baby dance all throughout the month so neither one of us feels like a professional breeder haha

mangomimosa · July 2014

@dazdareis‌ -- So sorry for your losses.

I realize this is not what you are asking about (feel free to ignore) -- but have you had any testing to see if there's any explanation for your recurrent losses? It wouldn't be unreasonable to see a doc at this point, just in case there's something easily fixable. FX for good luck soon!! ::hugs::

CML11 · July 2014

He got into the scientific part of it, like the temping and acted interested in the charting, reminds me to take meds/vitamins/shots. We are nerds like that though.
He's really good about helping me not to focus on IF and continue to live our lives as normal as possible.
He's not into the baby talk about names, nursery and decor....but that's kinda to be expected. I'm sure some of that will change when/if there's actually a baby to prepare for.

Yasm33na · July 2014

Don't have to tell him anything at all.. He's naturally more attracted to me while I'm ovulating (he says my smell/appearance is just... Better, sexier during those few days a month-which is such a natural wonder with women!) so sex just kind of happens

... He just asks me not to wear perfume on those days.
It's not like its a secret though...If he asks I'll give him whatever info he wants, but I try not to bother him with the details- I used to constantly mention my cycle, but he told me it made him feel like he was backed into a corner, being forced to preform

. not very sexy (for us anyway

)

Yasm33na · July 2014

And just to add to that: there have been recent studies trying to prove that stressed sex=stressed babies ... Something about sperm cells carrying stress hormones to the egg.... High cortisol levels blah blah blah....Not sure how true it is, but certainly something to think about

Yasm33na · July 2014

littleliverpill said:

Yasm33na said:

And just to add to that: there have been recent studies trying to prove that stressed sex=stressed babies ... Something about sperm cells carrying stress hormones to the egg.... High cortisol levels blah blah blah....Not sure how true it is, but certainly something to think about

Uh... what?

I know right? Lol. It's still a young study... They're monitoring specific people (ladies who were pregnant during disasters, children who were conceived during times of high stress etc) - interesting concept - but again... Skepticism rules out with me until it's proven.... Stress certainly can't help though.

Yasm33na · July 2014

DarcyHermione said:

Yasm33na said:

littleliverpill said:

Yasm33na said:

And just to add to that: there have been recent studies trying to prove that stressed sex=stressed babies ... Something about sperm cells carrying stress hormones to the egg.... High cortisol levels blah blah blah....Not sure how true it is, but certainly something to think about

Uh... what?
I know right? Lol. It's still a young study... They're monitoring specific people (ladies who were pregnant during disasters, children who were conceived during times of high stress etc) - interesting concept - but again... Skepticism rules out with me until it's proven.... Stress certainly can't help though.

Even if it were true her DH's stress level would not be anywhere near the level of a refugee couple who were conceiving during a bombing or a couple conceiving after an earthquake.

Well goodness... Of course not

that isn't at all what I meant by that comment.

Yasm33na · July 2014

littleliverpill said:

Yasm33na said:

littleliverpill said:

Yasm33na said:

And just to add to that: there have been recent studies trying to prove that stressed sex=stressed babies ... Something about sperm cells carrying stress hormones to the egg.... High cortisol levels blah blah blah....Not sure how true it is, but certainly something to think about

Uh... what?
I know right? Lol. It's still a young study... They're monitoring specific people (ladies who were pregnant during disasters, children who were conceived during times of high stress etc) - interesting concept - but again... Skepticism rules out with me until it's proven.... Stress certainly can't help though.

Where have you read about this "study"?

Here's one website that describes it- and there is a bbc documentary also explaining it fairly well I believe. It also goes into the genetic effects of IVF etc. (the documentary I mean)

Yasm33na · July 2014

Oh sure thing. https://www.uphs.upenn.edu/news/News_Releases/2013/06/bale/

rlpointer · July 2014

The hubs what I do. And I have asked him how much he wants to know. Does he want to know when my fertile window is and all that. He says yes. So he knows and we plan to have sex within that time but we also have sex other times in the month as just sex and not about procreation. It's good for our relationship and stress. It's important to make him not feel like he is just being used to make a baby, and that you still want him as your husband.

KingLED · July 2014

This thread needs to die or OP needs to fix the title so I don't have to see the cringe worthy grammar for another day. Please. I'm begging you.

dazdareis · July 2014

I'm on the AP and have tried to edit the 's' off of DH and it just won't stick, sorry ladies.
All of your advice and personal experience has been beneficial and just wanted to say Thank You, it's very much appreciated.

WhiskyandWhiskers · July 2014

This study... I need a link. A study from People magazine or The Sun doesn't impress me. A peer reviewed journal does.

Painful.

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How does your DH deal?

Re: How does your DH deal?

DX (me): Inborn error of metabolism - protein restriction, metabolic formula & weekly blood tests

DNA Results (7/1): DH is NOT a carrier for my genetic disorder!

7/3: Metabolic clinic gave the green light to TTC - holy crap!

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