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Stay at Home Moms
Shmidtzy
member
WWYD?
Shmidtzy
member
Hi all, I'm not sure where to start. This is a long post, but hear me out. My next door neighbors gave my toddler a toy kitchen today. My husband accepted the gift, I wasn't present at the time. They did not consult either one of us whether it was okay if they gave her such a large gift. They said they saw it and thought of my daughter and bought it for her.
They are from Honduras. They don't have children. The woman doesn't speak English, the man does well enough. They miscarried not long before moving next door. They have been very kind and sweet to me and my family. But I am beginning to feel uncomfortable.
The man comes outside every time we're outside, if home. Every time. He will chitchat with us, but stays focused on my daughter. He has stroked her hair, talks to her, holds her hand, and will squat down to make very direct eye contact when he speaks to her. Once while my husband was at work, I was playing outside with the kids, I was invited in the neighbirs' house. I was asked if I was going back to work or something along those lines, it was suggested that we/my daughter must be bored because he didn't see us outside much (as I had been avoiding him). I said I was always busy and always had something that needed to be done. He suggested maybe he could take my daughter to McDonald's some time to play. I said no and laughed it off politely, thinking it was a language barrier thing until he said. "It'd be good for her, though, you know." I said, "No, we go to parks and playgrounds for that." Later on, when trying to leave to feed my 10m old son, the man suggested leaving my daughter with them, offering to watch her. I said no. The whole visit was odd and my giving the benefit of the doubt was dissolving. The woman even took pictures of the man and my daughter with her phone while we sat on the couch. They are fixated on her. Not in having an adult rapport with me as a neighbor.
I go from trying to be friendly to seeing red flags and then second guessing my gut feeling to keep them away. I would like opinions. Am I over reacting? Is there a cultural difference? Are they harmlessly doting on her after their miscarriage? My defenses are up! I am thinking of returning the gift to them.
They are from Honduras. They don't have children. The woman doesn't speak English, the man does well enough. They miscarried not long before moving next door. They have been very kind and sweet to me and my family. But I am beginning to feel uncomfortable.
The man comes outside every time we're outside, if home. Every time. He will chitchat with us, but stays focused on my daughter. He has stroked her hair, talks to her, holds her hand, and will squat down to make very direct eye contact when he speaks to her. Once while my husband was at work, I was playing outside with the kids, I was invited in the neighbirs' house. I was asked if I was going back to work or something along those lines, it was suggested that we/my daughter must be bored because he didn't see us outside much (as I had been avoiding him). I said I was always busy and always had something that needed to be done. He suggested maybe he could take my daughter to McDonald's some time to play. I said no and laughed it off politely, thinking it was a language barrier thing until he said. "It'd be good for her, though, you know." I said, "No, we go to parks and playgrounds for that." Later on, when trying to leave to feed my 10m old son, the man suggested leaving my daughter with them, offering to watch her. I said no. The whole visit was odd and my giving the benefit of the doubt was dissolving. The woman even took pictures of the man and my daughter with her phone while we sat on the couch. They are fixated on her. Not in having an adult rapport with me as a neighbor.
I go from trying to be friendly to seeing red flags and then second guessing my gut feeling to keep them away. I would like opinions. Am I over reacting? Is there a cultural difference? Are they harmlessly doting on her after their miscarriage? My defenses are up! I am thinking of returning the gift to them.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: WWYD?
I would apologize for yelling with caps, but if we were speaking, I would be raising my voice to make sure you hear me.
READ "PROTECTING THE GIFT" by Gavin de Becker. Since you have two children, I know you have lots of spare time. MAKE TIME TO READ IT.
Better to be considered rude than to have something happen to either of your children. And I would also return the kitchen.
Thanks Earlybird725, I looked into Fitzgerald's Tricky People and checklists. Very helpful. You hit the nail on the head.
Thanks LC122, I hear ya. I'll look into Gavin de Becker.
So husband and I have been discussing this all day. I've gone from being disturbed to angry to reasonable and back to pissed off about it. We decided to keep the kitchen. After looking it over, I'm pretty sure they bought it used. Next time we see them we're going to remain kind but assertive and set clear boundaries, let them know we appreciate it but why it was inappropriate and it isn't acceptable to give her anymore gifts.
Ha. Maybe then I'll get them a bottle of wine and write a thank you note like in that other post and be done with this.
I wish we could put up a fence. I'd love that.