When does it get better?

jenn43 · July 2014

I'm sure this has been asked before, but when does it get better? LO is two months old now. He's definitely less fussy than when he was born, and he'll sleep longer -4 hours fairly often, and he's gone as long as 5 hours once or twice. But I haven't gotten more than about 5-6 hours of sleep total since he was born. And I work full-time, so I have to get up at 6, and there's no chance of a nap during the day. It's just so exhausting, and I'm starting to feel resentful watching the baby nap during the day (he goes to work with me) knowing I'll have a fussy, needy baby all evening when I get home. I go to bed the second I get him down (we do a bedtime routine starting around 7:30, but he usually won't fall asleep before 9:30), but I just never seem to get any more sleep. I haven't had any problems with PPD, but the chronic exhaustion is making me hate my life.

ncbelle · July 2014

That's a pretty normal sleep pattern for an infant of any age - it is possible that he will sleep longer stretches - and equally possible that he won't.

I find it helps to change my approach vs. trying to get baby to do something babies aren't wired to do (that is sleep long periods). For me, that means bed sharing - instead of a long wake up, I roll over and nurse and go almost right back to sleep. I also find getting exercise is key. I'm not sure but it sounds like you are saying you go to bed early but can't sleep? Exercise can definitely help with that. Walking in the evening can do the trick…and is great for calming a fussy baby! Pop him in a carrier and go.

jenn43 · July 2014

ncbelle said:

That's a pretty normal sleep pattern for an infant of any age - it is possible that he will sleep longer stretches - and equally possible that he won't.

I find it helps to change my approach vs. trying to get baby to do something babies aren't wired to do (that is sleep long periods). For me, that means bed sharing - instead of a long wake up, I roll over and nurse and go almost right back to sleep. I also find getting exercise is key. I'm not sure but it sounds like you are saying you go to bed early but can't sleep? Exercise can definitely help with that. Walking in the evening can do the trick…and is great for calming a fussy baby! Pop him in a carrier and go.

Actually, I go to bed right after he does, and I'm usually asleep within a half hour. So that means I sleep from 10-2 or so when he wakes up. By the time we nurse and he's back down, it's usually an hour. Then he wakes up again at 5. So I sleep again from 3-5am, for a total of 6 hours of sleep at the absolute max. If he's fussy in the middle of the night, or goes to bed later it's more like 5 hours. By that time I have to get up to go to work. I'm at work all day, and by the time we get home at 5:30 or 6 he's in his fussy period for the evening until bedtime with no chance for a nap for me.

Bed sharing is not a good option for us. He's noisy enough that I was up most of night when he slept in our room, and our mattress is soft enough that I would worry about him suffocating (even if I took away my husband, the dog, the blanket and the pillows, at which point I wouldn't be able to sleep anyway!)

Thank you for the suggestions, but unfortunately I think I'm just stuck until he sleeps longer stretches. I already cut my work schedule down to 4 days a week, but I'm the primary breadwinner in our family, so I can't possibly cut down any more. I catch up the best I can on the weekends, but it's just not enough. Guess I'll just have to suck it up and try not to get too horribly depressed about the whole thing.

ASmallWonder · July 2014

I know as a working mom this sucks but you very well may need to put him to bed earlier if it's taking him that long to fall asleep. It sounds like he's overtired. What time is his last nap of the day before you pick him up? If he's waking at 5 he needs to be in bed probably at 6 :-(

jnnfrrose6 · July 2014

Do you get up immediately when he starts crying at 2am? I'm not suggesting to let him CIO, but there are methods to help stretch out when he wakes up in the night and they usually mean not going to the LO right away, but giving them 5 minutes or so to try a settle down on their own. Obviously there's more to it, but it sounds like it may behoove you to look into sleep training options.

mcgeeva · July 2014

3 months felt like a good time to me. Felt like things were getting back to normal although the whole first year is times of regression with sleep etc. It will get better just hang in there. You have some rough nights but it does get better. I was up every two hours last night because my lo is starting to roll and break out of the swaddle. But last week he was sleeping 8-7. So it's constantly changing.

erinms · July 2014

I am having a much easier time with DS2, partly because he seems mellower, but also because I have the perspective I didn't with DS1. DS1 is 5 now, and we all (well, before DS2) have been sleeping really well for many years now. It really is such a short period of time and over so quickly, so try to remind yourself it won't last forever. Not to say it isn't soooo hard (it just is, it is exhausting and hard) but the worst part for me with DS1 was feeling like it would never get better, and it definitely will. A lot of babies start getting some longer stretches at 2-3 months, so maybe it will get better soon. I agree with pp to get him to bed earlier (and get you to bed earlier if possible, too). Can you get into bed earlier and let someone else take care of the baby a couple of times per week? I really like a lot of parts of the book "healthy sleep habits, happy child". Just for the general ideas, I defiitely wouldn't read every word and stress about following a plan, but it could give you a sense of what to aim for and what to expect and how to trouble shoot some sleep problems. Finally, a lot of things do feel better at 6 months for a lot of people.

*sparky* · July 2014

I agree with @erinms 100%. With my DS I remember agonizing over lack of sleep, especially once I went back to work. But this time, while some days I am totally dragging ass, I know it is temporary and I will get through it. It does get better soon. You have your LO all day at work and all evening - that is definitely hard. Can you and your DH switch doing lo's bedtimes every other night? Then you can go to sleep early on those nights.

Good luck - it is rough but it will get better!!!

jenn43 · July 2014

I guess I'm just not sure how you put a baby to bed if he won't go to sleep? He's always been fussy in the evenings. I do a bedtime routine (bath, massage, nursing, rocking), but he stays wide awake and fussy until he's darn-well ready. When he was first born that was at 10:30 or 11, but it's moved back to 9:30 over the past couple of weeks. If you want to move bedtime up do you just leave them to CIO? I thought 2 months was a little young for that...

I've read BabyWise and the No Cry Sleep Solution, so I'm familiar with the concept of sleep training. As I said, we have a bedtime routine. And I make sure to put him down sleepy but awake. At night when he wakes up he's always ravenous, so it seems pretty unlikely that he'll go back to sleep on his own (and I do try to let him break into a full out cry before I get up).

There's no one to switch off evenings with- my husband works until 10 or 11 pm 7 nights a week.

I realize I sound fairly hopeless here; I do appreciate the kind words. My mom is coming to help for the next month, and I'm just really, really hoping that things might get better by the time he's three months old. Just hearing that they do from other people makes me feel like there might be light at the end of the tunnel.

*sparky* · July 2014

MIT is definitely too early for CIO and it sounds like you are doing the right things. Maybe 9:30 is his bedtime for now and you can slowly move it earlier. Sorry you don't have help in the evenings. That is rough so it is great your mom is coming to help out.

Things will get better!!!

jnnfrrose6 · July 2014

I disagree that sleep training won't work at this age. I started sleep training DS at 3 weeks with no issues and he was STTN by week 8 (8:30pm-6 or 7am). The thing is, it's not just about a bedtime routine. It's about a daily routine/schedule so baby is getting enough sleep and awake time during the day and learns the signs of when it's time to sleep (swaddle, noise machine, etc). And sleep training doesn't have to mean CIO.

ASmallWonder · July 2014

I completely missed that you bring the baby with you. I hate to say it but this may not be better until you stop trying to do two full times jobs at the same time.

jenn43 · July 2014

Oh no- I don't take care of him while I'm at work- one of my staff is assigned to watch him (I'm a doctor, and I'm in solo private practice. My staff are all moms, and they love having him there!) . I have two breaks scheduled to pump. If he happens to be hungry then I nurse him. Otherwise he gets a bottle and I pump. He'll go to daycare when he's a bit older, but for now this works pretty well for us. There is no way I would ever get anything done if I were actually trying to take care of him and work. It's tough though, because I see this happy baby who has great awake time and takes good naps during the day, but when I get him home it's his fussy time. It's like Jekyll and Hyde!

spartybride3 · July 2014

Have you thought about giving him a bottle of BM during your 2am feed? When I BF it took over an hour for the whole process but now she's on bottles and it takes 30 min from start to finish, including the diaper change and getting the bottle ready. Also, my baby gets exhausted after tummy time so if she's being particularly fussy and won't fall asleep, I put her on her stomach for a few minutes and it helps put her to sleep within a few minutes.

jenn43 · July 2014

Thank you all for the suggestions! Since I have a three-day weekend, I worked really hard on getting him to nap yesterday.... and he still only slept four hours during the day. He is a very alert baby, and I think that he may be not getting nearly enough nap time during the day, because it's easy to miss his sleep cues. He only lets out a yawn or two. After working on naps yesterday, I did the same thing with bedtime, and got him down at 8:30! He woke up at 11 and 3am for feeds, and was back asleep within 45 minutes both times. I actually got nearly 8 hours of sleep myself, which felt amazing. So I think we have some things to work on to get us both more sleep.

MommyAtty · July 2014

I feel your pain. I have a 9 week old. His older sister slept thru the night at 6 wks. This bun still wakes up btwn 1:30 and 2:30. He's up for close to an hour because he has reflux so has to be sitting up for 30 minutes after his bottle. He got a cold last week, so his stuffy nose is keeping him from sleeping well. He doesn't like going back to sleep right now. Then, for some ungodly reason, I decided this week he shouldn't need swaddling anymore. Ha. Tonight he's back in his swaddle, my fingers are crossed, and even my atheist husband is praying he sleeps longer. Lol. It's rough!

jenn43 · July 2014

Yeah- guess I just have to be patient. Two nights ago he went down at 8:30, woke up at 11:30 and 3 to eat, and went right back down. It was awesome. Last night couldn't get him down until 11:00, he woke up at 12:30 to eat and went back down, but then woke up at 1:30, wouldn't go down for an hour (he wasn't hungry), then got up at 4 to eat. Ugh!

*sparky* · July 2014

@jenn43 - I started tracking my LO's naps several weeks ago because I was having such a hard time getting her to nap and she is so chilled out that she was not really giving me any cues but then would flip out when I tried to get her to sleep. I think I had been keeping her up way too long - her window seems to be about an hour and 15 minutes of awake time. If I swaddle her before she is acting tired and fussy she doesn't even fight it and will fall asleep within minutes.

She will still throw me for a loop now and then and some days will only sleep on me, or in her swing, but overall it is better because I don't feel like I am fighting her as much as I used to.

Just thought that may help. Good luck!!

CarriMat · July 2014

I personally don't try to keep a certain routine or schedule, I have just acted on my baby's own cues. I only try to keep her awake in the evening so she will eat plenty and go to sleep when we do and I give her a bath with the Johnson's nighttime bath with lavender scent before her last feeding. When she was about 2 weeks old she wanted to cluster feed at night and we were up ever 2-3 hours. Someone suggested I give her formula at night because formula digests a lot slower than breast milk and would keep her fuller longer. I was afraid at first because I wanted to only breast feed but at about 1 month and pure exhaustion on my part, I decided to try it. Her last feeding of the night I give her formula and it has worked like a charm for us. She slowly started sleeping more and more. Now at 6 1/2 weeks she is sleeping 6-9 hours at a time. I feel like that made a tremendous difference with us. I hope yours gets a routine down soon! I'm sure you are tired of feeling like a zombie. Good luck and stay hopeful!

FelixUxor · July 2014

I didn't read all the comments so I don't know if anyone suggested this, but my personal doctor (not OB) had just had a baby right before I did and she suggested pumping right before you go to bed or in the middle of the night and feeding the baby from the bottle in the middle of the night rather than nursing. This way he's not waking up for comfort nursing- a lot of babies do this. My pediatrician told me not to talk to my baby at all in the middle of the night because its stimulating and doesn't teach him that night time is sleep time. It was hard at first not to say little things like "its ok" but I didn't allow myself to and I fed from a bottle for night feedings and my 3 month old is sleeping from 9:30/10 pm until 6am. Maybe I just got lucky, but it might be worth a try.

Also, a 2 month old really won't be sleeping through the night if you put him to bed earlier than 10 anyway. They just can't go that long without food. I'm reading "The Sleep Lady's Good Night Sleep Tight" book by Kim West and Joanne Kenen. It is super helpful and I highly recommend it. My sister-in-law recommended it to me and her now 2 year old has always been a great sleeper! Good luck!

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