Feeling a bit... Judged? — The Bump
Health & Exercise

Feeling a bit... Judged?

I just got home from a prenatal visit, I'm 28 weeks pregnant with my first baby, and I'm feeling a bit judged by my weight gain! I stand at 5' 9" and pre-pregnancy I weighed about 170 with a moderate BMI at 23 Even my lowest adult weight of super in shape was 150. I'm 25 pretty active every day besides just a gym routine and I know my diet is healthy as well. I've gain 27 lbs, in the first trimester it totaled 16, then another 5 and 6 at each visit. The first trimester just seemed like wow I've gained weight but with the last visit and today's as well I felt like I was being scolded! There's a group of midwives that I see and today I met with a midwife I had never met before and she littlerly said I needed to slow down because she didn't want me to gain 70 lbs. I'm floored! Of course being polite I agreed. I don't consume sugar or high amounts of carbohydrates, I eat small portions because I can't physically eat large meals, and I get regular excercise other than the 8 hours a day I stand and run around for my career as a hairstylist.... I really am just offended and wondering if anyone else can identify with this?! I thought I picked a great welcoming practice but I'm starting to doubt two of midwifes discretion about "healthy weight gain". Am I just being too sensitive??! Or should I stand up for myself a little more?

Re: Feeling a bit... Judged?

  • That is horrible for her to say.
    I gained 50 lbs with my first. (I'm 5'11 and was 180 to start with her) and not a word was said to me.
    I was in tears in my docs office one day because I'd gained so much and she just let me cry and when I calmed down she said "are you healthy" to which I responded "yes". "Is your baby healthy?" "yes". "Then you have nothing to worry about".
    I was informed that women gained at different rates and if I was personally concerned about it then I could do something about it (like eat healthier and walk more) but that she saw no reason for alarm.

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  • IMO - that MW needs a B-slap!!!!  I would put on your file that you are never to see her insensitive @$$ again for your future appointments or care!!!!  Obviously keep an eye on things, but right now your hormones are out of whack because your body is busy making a person and PP a lot of your PG weight will come off, the important thing is to stay as physically active PP as you are now or Pre-PG. 

    Next - YOU need to stop focusing on the BMI as an indicator of health - period.. dot... end of discussion!!!   BMI is woefully inaccurate for ANYONE with any level of physical conditioning.  Most NFL players, bodybuilders, etc. in the peak of their physical being are considered "obese" or "Morbid" - BMI does not take into account an individual's muscle tone.  A person can be "skinny fat" where they're ideal by BMI standards but they're fatty flab because they just naturally are small but don't exercise so it works both ways...  Routinely (annually) I do a body composition scan (It's $50 OOP - though not something you'll do now while PG obviously), and my LEAN BODY MASS alone is considered "Morbidly Obese" by BMI chart status. Do I have a few pounds to loose, yes, but I know where I'm actually at, and if anything it gets the doctors to stop focusing on BMI as an indicator of health because facts don't lie.   If BMI were developed in today's scientific world and forced to adhere to the rigors it would be qualified as junk science because health is all dependent upon the individual.

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    MrsL2B[Deleted User]
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  • I'm sorry if I come off as insensitive, but do you want to gain 70 lbs?  No one wants to hear it, but if you're gaining too quickly you're going to have a really hard time after delivery, it's also going to make it alot more difficult to give birth.  If you're gaining 5 lbs a week and you have at least another 12 weeks to go, that will put you at another 60 lbs.  I thought it's supposed to be 1-2 lbs/week and nothing really the 1st trimester.  I would try to rethink things and maybe be a little more careful or see what you can do differently.  
    I've had 2 kids.  The 1st one I ran regularly, ate really well and gained about 30 lbs.  My delivery was so easy and when I came home from the hospital I was right into regular clothes.  With #2 it was alot more difficult to get in the work outs, I gained closer to 40 lbs my delivery was hell and although I got right back into my clothes, 2 years later I'm still working on toning up.
    Take your doctors advice and try to figure out what you can do to slow your weight gain.  5-6 pounds a week is not healthly. 
    weezy29aditigirldrummondst
  • capuletcapulet member
    edited June 2014
    fitmom82 said:
    I'm sorry if I come off as insensitive, but do you want to gain 70 lbs?  No one wants to hear it, but if you're gaining too quickly you're going to have a really hard time after delivery, it's also going to make it alot more difficult to give birth.  If you're gaining 5 lbs a week and you have at least another 12 weeks to go, that will put you at another 60 lbs.  I thought it's supposed to be 1-2 lbs/week and nothing really the 1st trimester. 
    Slow down.  She's 28 weeks.  She never said she gained five pounds in a week, but between visits, and nobody who isn't high risk is going to prenatal visits every week at 28 weeks.  She's not going to gain seventy pounds. Read her post carefully, then do the math.

    OP, some women gain more than other during pregnancy.  Especially tall women (I'm not, but I have friends who are, and they did, and it was fine).  You sound like you're doing what you need to do as far as eating and exercise.
    DD born 10/10/07 * DS born 11/25/11 * #3 due 3/9/2015
    marathonmom823
  • Just because you gain a lot up front doesn't mean it won't even out. I gained 20lbs my first tri, then only another 18 the entire remainder of pregnancy. As long as you're healthy and not gaining it from donuts/inactivity, I think your body knows what it needs.
    MesmrEwe
  • 16 pounds in the first trimester is ~4x what is recommended.  I would find it troubling if your doctor did not comment on it.  This said, I am guessing she could have been much more tactful about it.  A good doctor needs to be really detail and analytically oriented...unfortunately people with this skill set sometimes lack in social skills.
    weezy29aditigirldrummondst
  • I agree that the midwife could have used more tact but at the same time, it is her job to monitor your pregnancy and offer suggestions to keep it healthy. While not everyone is realistically going to stay in the 25-35 pound range, there is a reason those numbers are recommended....for the health of the baby and the mother.

    Now having said that, some people really do just gain more than others during pregnancy through no fault of their own. If you are eating healthy, watching your "bad" carbs and sugar and staying active, know that you are doing what you are supposed to and let it go!
    aditigirldrummondst
  • fitmom82 said:

    I'm sorry if I come off as insensitive, but do you want to gain 70 lbs?  No one wants to hear it, but if you're gaining too quickly you're going to have a really hard time after delivery, it's also going to make it alot more difficult to give birth.  If you're gaining 5 lbs a week and you have at least another 12 weeks to go, that will put you at another 60 lbs.  I thought it's supposed to be 1-2 lbs/week and nothing really the 1st trimester.  I would try to rethink things and maybe be a little more careful or see what you can do differently.  

    I've had 2 kids.  The 1st one I ran regularly, ate really well and gained about 30 lbs.  My delivery was so easy and when I came home from the hospital I was right into regular clothes.  With #2 it was alot more difficult to get in the work outs, I gained closer to 40 lbs my delivery was hell and although I got right back into my clothes, 2 years later I'm still working on toning up.
    Take your doctors advice and try to figure out what you can do to slow your weight gain.  5-6 pounds a week is not healthly. 
    I would ignore this. I was a quick weight gainer during the first trimester in my first pregnancy, and in my second. Pre-pregnancy I am 5'6" and 125, and both times I have gained 15 in the first 13 weeks. From there my weight slowed, and during my last pregnancy I gained a total of 35, and this pregnancy (currently at 29 weeks) is looking to be in the 30-35 lb range.

    All that said, I could have probably stood to gain a few more. I EBF and by the time I was 6 months PP, I was close to 15 lbs below my pre-pregnancy weight, which is too light for me.

    In short, every person and pregnancy is different. Keep eating healthy, exercise and try not to let negative comments from bothering you. Good luck.

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  • aboodtobeaboodtobe member
    edited July 2014
    Wow, your stats are very close to mine. I was concerned about my weight gain mostly because I want to have a healthy child and I want to be able to deal with the endurance event of labor. However, I was also an avid weight lifter before I got pregnant. I continued to lift weights (safely) in my first and second tri. I actually put on muscle which led to some weight gain. Anyway, I got a little paranoid and had the midwife measure my belly (fundal height) and she said I was right on par. Do they do this for you? Mine checks at every appointment. 
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  • I'm just slightly over 5'9" as well, and I have gained large amounts of weight every pregnancy, the only thing you can really do is shrug it off, and try to lose any "excess" postpartum. With our oldest, I started out at around 165, and gained about 60. I'm thinking a lot of it might be that taller also means more space for fluids and a higher blood volume. I know that's a crap way of thinking (and I'm probably totally wrong) but I lost over half of that within the first 6-8 weeks after having him. 
    I ate healthy, and was active duty at the time, so obviously I was fit, I didn't even look pregnant or wear maternity clothes until about 30 weeks, and that's when I gained almost half of that weight...

    Everyone is different, and the weight gain recommendations are just that, recommendations, but it doesn't mean you have to follow them, and honestly, I know very few who do, or even CAN. So I think as long as you keep doing what you're doing, you'll be fine. Eff her.
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    MesmrEwe
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