Sleepovers

bumpuser10199668 · July 2014

This is running rampant from moms on my fb. I had no idea sleepovers were considered a no no these days! How sad to me. What do you all think?
https://www.challies.com/articles/why-my-family-doesnt-do-sleepovers

conradraging · July 2014

This makes me so sad! Sleepovers were such a big part of being a kid to me... And the reasoning behind it goes along with that article about the father in the fitting room. Believe me, I know how much these horrible things happen. (I watch waaaay too much Criminal Minds and Law and Order SVU for my own good). But for things to blow up to such an extent where kids can't spend the night outside the house ever and fathers can't take their kids anywhere without getting side eyed is just so upsetting to me.

Daisy1232 · July 2014

I can see how kids are more vulnerable when in a sleep over setting...but a lot of this could happen on a day time play date. I agree it's sad, nothing ever happened to me at a sleepover but I can see both sides...kind of like the author. I'll be talking to DH about this tonight, it's something I never thought about.

mrsdanielleM2010 · July 2014

Dh and I host his cousins for sleepovers five or six times a year, and I don't anticipate that changing when our son is here. I'm not sure how we will be about friend sleepovers. I am sure I'd feel comfortable hosting, but I'm not sure about sending him out to other peoples' houses.

bumpuser10199668 · July 2014

mrsdanielleM2010 said:

Dh and I host his cousins for sleepovers five or six times a year, and I don't anticipate that changing when our son is here. I'm not sure how we will be about friend sleepovers. I am sure I'd feel comfortable hosting, but I'm not sure about sending him out to other peoples' houses.

Like @conradgallagher said, sleepovers were such a HUGE part of my childhood, I can't imagine my kid not having them. That said, they were always with a handful of the same girls and my parents knew their parents very well.

I feel we will feel fine hosting whomever he decided to bring over, but you're right...as for sending him to other people's homes, they will have to be parents that I know.

brittneyandadam · July 2014

kshayes0315 said:

Wow, neither did I. I would have never thought twice about sleepovers if I hadn't read this. I had and went to sleep overs all the time when I was young. I remember one summer where two girlfriends and I basically spent every night together sleeping at one a others houses. My birthday parties were almost always sleep overs. My parents were very specific about where I could and could not stay though. Usually the sleepovers were at my house, but when it was somewhere else my parent had to know the friend, the parents and the others involved. And not just meet them when they dropped me off. They had to actually know them. I guess that's what made them more comfortable with it. I will do the same with my kids.

This. I was allowed lots of sleep overs growing up...especially for girls bday parties. Before RSVPing, my parents would always call to talk to the other parents just to get the low down...who would be there, would the kids be left alone, where would I be sleeping. My dad was/is a police officer, so I'm sure it seemed excessive to some parents but they wanted to make sure I was safe. They'd also give me the same talk: if I feel uncomfortable, call them and they'll come get me. If I need to, it's ok to walk away from a bad situation. If I don't feel comfortable asking to use the phone because I don't trust the adult, walk to a neighbor's house and ask to use theirs.

If my parents felt uncomfortable with me going to someone's house, they'd tell me and I just wouldn't go and would just tell the friend that my parents had something planned for that night.

I think there are other ways to deal with the situation other than banning sleepovers all together. You can still be smart and safe about things...but keeping your kid from that experience is just kind of silly.

LTMama · July 2014

My parents never let me do sleepovers as a kid, and that always made me sad. I had planned on allowing them for my kiddo, but I guess it all depends on where and with whom, provided I know the parents.

I mean the concerns raised in the article are legit, I think. But a blanket prohibition seems unreasonable to me. More of a case-by-case assessment seems appropriate.

dinodna3 · July 2014

I was allowed to go to sleepovers but I only really ever did at maybe two or three friends houses.

I was only allowed to stay at certain houses because I am extremely allergic to cats and dogs, so my asthma prevented me from most homes. I don't think I have ever thought about the reasons listed in the article, but I think we will do what most PP said about only allowing friends who's parents we know.

ConversationFear · July 2014

We had sleepovers all the time - but my mom knew all the parents and the parents knew my mom. She would have never let me stay at someone's house if she didn't know the parents backwards and forwards. I'll be the same with our son.

punnybunny · July 2014

My parents had an age minimum. I couldn't sleep over or host a sleepover until I was 10. It sucked in elementary school when people had sleepover b-day parties because I could go to the party but I was the lame kid that got picked up before bedtime. Luckily most of the kids I played with went to church with me and all our parents were friends so I don't think there was ever an issue of my parents not knowing or trusting the other parents.

I haven't really considered what rules we'll establish about sleepovers. But I know I wouldn't be comfortable with sleepovers anywhere if I didn't know everyone else involved (parents and kids).

MMason12 · July 2014

I'm a firm believer that it isn't always true that the crime is happening more now than it did back when we were growing up -- I believe with the instant news and social media outlets we just learn more about what is going on around us. People back then tended to live in a "bubble" when it came to things like that. The local creep used to just get whispered about around town and now his picture, address, mug shot, etc are all plastered on every news outlet and social media outlet world wide in minutes. With technology it is a completely different era with the information we see.

I'm a firm believer that it's all about being a responsible parent. Would I let me kid go spend the night at a "friends" house where I had never met the parents before -- hell no! Would I let my kid spend the night at a friends house where we knew and trusted the parents -- yes. Sorry, but you can keep your bubble forever. You cannot shield your kids from all the evils of the world forever. It is just as dangerous at the play ground, school yard, mall, etc. as it for them to go play or spend the night at a friends house.

There are plenty of children who are sadly molested by those closest to them -- family members -- including their own fathers or mothers.

Irisheyes1247 · July 2014

In regards to the issue of how to keep kiddos safe, I've heard really great thins about a book called "Protecting the Gift." I haven't read it yet, but I'm waiting for it to become available at the library.

I can't imagine forbidding sleepovers all together. I was allowed to have sleepovers with one or two friends at a time, but not large groups (my mother's preference). I imagine dh and I will have to discuss it once dd's are older.

punnybunny · July 2014

MermaidsMagic said:
Guys, I just really want to point out that just knowing the person doesn't preclude them from being a pedophile. I was molested by a family member.

I totally get this. I guess I just forgot to say that just because I know all the people involved doesn't mean it's an automatic yes to a sleepover invite. However, I definitely would be saying no if I don't know/trust the other people involved.

JustCricket · July 2014

I understand the concern... but sleepovers are not the only time and place things like this can happen. I'd think it'd be harder for somthing like that to happen if it was a group of 10 girls sleeping at a house than if it was just my daughter going over to her friend's house to play during the day. It's sad we have to worry about this.

amom2four · July 2014

My oldest daughter is 13. There are very specific conditions to her sleeping at someone else's house when it comes to friends. I have to know the parents. They have to be people we feel comfortable with leaving my kid with.

I was very particular about when she was allowed to start staying at friends houses. There were many years of going to birthday party but not staying all night. She is even barred from staying overnight with my sil because I don't feel that she would be responsible with my children.

She also has a cell phone and I pay the extra for an iphone for services like gps that I can track from my phone because let's be honest, teenagers... Ugh. Overall she is a pretty trustworthy kiddo and is not shy or quiet about anything so if something happened to her, she would not stay quiet. We talk about these types of things and it is something that all parents need to be aware of and educate themselves and their kids.

SingleMom31 · July 2014

Growing up, I was allowed to go to certain people's houses both for play dates and sleepovers. The same rules applied for both: my parents had to know the child and their parents, they had to talk to the parents, the parents had to be there, etc. There were definitely people I knew where they said no way to me going there.

I'm sure that we'll let the girls go assuming the same. I do think that it's part of teaching them independence, and that's important to me. When I left for college, I moved 600 miles away. There were other kids that weren't as independent that went home during the first week - I wouldn't want that for our girls.

lbonga1 · July 2014

I agree with most everyone has said. You can't shelter kids from every situation, but I agree it is a reasonable decision to wait until they are able to tell you if something were to happen, and to know the parents of the other child. Molestation could potentially happen at any time, but is it realistic as a parent to spend 24/7 around your child?

I had a friend in high school that was extremely sheltered by her parents while she was growing up, and I think that actually caused her to rebel to the extreme. I took her to go get coffee on our lunch period down the street from our school when we weren't supposed to leave campus, which was basically her first experience of something she wasn't supposed to do, and then suddenly a month later she had had sex with like 3 guys in the same week.

Dawson56 · July 2014

Was never allowed to sleep at friends houses when I was young. All sleep overs were with cousins. That was just the rule in my parents house. When I got older my parents explained that just because they knew my friends or friends moms, didn't mean that they necessarily knew their older brothers or dads or whoever.... I would go to the parties, but my parents would pick me up before everyone went to sleep. I don't consider it being sheltered so much as my parents waiting until I was old enough to speak up for myself. I'm pretty sure that will be the same rule with my girls.

MrsLaLaBug · July 2014

Sad. Really fucking sad.

ashaw512 · July 2014

I wasn't allowed to spend the night with a friend unless me mom knew the parents of my friend, and I wasn't allowed to stay at a friends house until I was 8. But this is sad.

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