Arguing and sex

triciaj1 · July 2014

Me and DH don't argue often but when we do we usually draw it out, now that we are TTC it's been funny. We argue and bicker and then "have" to have sex. Is this awkward for anyone else? How do you and DH handle having sex when you don't necessarily feel sexy or want to? For us it actually seems to help get us over a disagreement. At first it's forced but once we get into it it's good. Lol

DaBearsFansWife · July 2014

triciaj1 said:
Me and DH don't argue often but when we do we usually draw it out, now that we are TTC it's been funny. We argue and bicker and then "have" to have sex. Is this awkward for anyone else? How do you and DH handle having sex when you don't necessarily feel sexy or want to? For us it actually seems to help get us over a disagreement. At first it's forced but once we get into it it's good. Lol

We just have sex when we feel like it. Forcing it was too stressful. We usually hit at least three days a week on our own

MarathonHiker · July 2014

I've never really had sex when I didn't want to, I just won't have it. That said, this is our first month TTC so in regards to that... I don't know. I don't see myself forcing the sex, though.

We don't really do "makeup" sex, either. Just not my thing. That's the furthest thing from my mind if I'm in a argumentative mood.

Bee1112 · July 2014

We don't fight much and when we do the fight is over quickly. We don't like to draw it out or let it fester. The longest we have ever been upset with each other was just a few hours.

We don't force it but we get done what needs to get done.

icaughtfire · July 2014

If I'm pissed enough with H that I don't want to have sex with him, I just don't. I don't want to get to a point in TTC that any sex is forced.

3houlagirl · July 2014

This hasn't happened to us yet, but I can't see myself having sex just because it's "time" if I'm not otherwise in the mood.

I can see myself using it to end an argument, though. DH has a hard time arguing with me when I'm nekkid

triciaj1 · July 2014

I understand everyone's points. I guess I'm thinking about it bc right at bedtime his mom called and we needed up not getting along great for a little bit, but we both want a baby and we hVe been having sex everyday after period until O so we did and like I said it was odd but then good. When I TFAS the first time around we were at month 19 so we did schedule sex. It was just a reality of our situation at that point.

triciaj1 · July 2014

We usually were 4-5x/ week. He's all amped up about trying bc this will be his first even though we have my DD. I haven't started charting yet just OPKs. I did years ago with exDH when we tried 19 mos for a second. But I do think I'll start temping again after this cycle bc DH is getting bummed every month so maybe id get a clearer pic of what's going on and when's best time. Thank you!

chaysefaith · July 2014

I have an incredibly low sex drive and our schedules have us not spending much time together as it is, so we do tend to schedule sex at least during the FW just to make sure it gets done. If there is an argument that causes us to not want to HIO we just don't. If you're having sex regularly missing one day won't hurt.

kelley72 · July 2014

I hate to argue, but love makeup sex- we don't do scheduled sex but I definitely let him know when I'm ready for go time! If we have a bad argument it can take hours to get to the good part.

OnceInLoveWithAmy · July 2014

SNLT1012 said:

I have an incredibly low sex drive and our schedules have us not spending much time together as it is, so we do tend to schedule sex at least during the FW just to make sure it gets done. If there is an argument that causes us to not want to HIO we just don't. If you're having sex regularly missing one day won't hurt.

this is my exact situation- I have a low sex drive and a shitty work schedule. As much as I'd love to not have to schedule it, if I want to have a baby, that's what gotta happen.

But like PP said.. if you are having THAT much sex, I don't think one day will destroy all hopes.

MamaBina · July 2014

Dude. This is the story of my life. We don't fight a lot but this TTC stuff is hard, and when we know we should do it but are salty at each other it's hard. I'm quickly learning when it's worth fighting over and when it isn't. I think "is this fight worth waiting another cycle to get pregnant?" Usually the answer is no

sandj918 · July 2014

We've had only a few "disagreements". DH is super easy going and I'm much more, lets say dramatic, about things. We made a pact when we started TTC that we wouldn't force sex. If we're not feeling it, we won't push it, especially if there's been a disagreement or something. Also, not thinking of sex as just a way to get a baby could help. I know it's hard when sex drive is low or things are stressful. Maybe take a break from sex when you're not in your FW. Try every other day (EOD) and see if that helps relieve some of the pressure off of both of you.

divinemsbee · July 2014

We really rarely fight, H is much more laid back than I am. I honestly can't think of a time when a fight coincided with my FW (possibly because all the sex makes fighting less likely?). Since H knows when I start using OPKs he knows that everything is going to commence. And I get a couple of days of lead up.

There are times I'm not super into it just because I'm not in the mood but the time is right, and honestly I'm of the fake-it-til-you-make-it school of thought on that. I don't have sex against my will, but I definitely can start off totally not into it.

Now that I'm on meds and timing is going to be set up for us, we're just going to do it.

FitMom3510 · July 2014

MarathonHiker said:

I've never really had sex when I didn't want to, I just won't have it. That said, this is our first month TTC so in regards to that... I don't know. I don't see myself forcing the sex, though.

We don't really do "makeup" sex, either. Just not my thing. That's the furthest thing from my mind if I'm in a argumentative mood.

We don't have makeup sex either, when I'm mad the last think on my mind is having sex.

awesomenus1341 · July 2014

When we fight, we don't have sex.

lizzyp9112 · July 2014

I slept on the couch part of last night because I was pissed off at my husband and just needed time apart from him. We also have super comfy couches so it is not at all a travesty to sleep on the couch.

He realized it at 3am, we talked and hugged, then went back to bed. No sex, though, because I need to feel connected to him emotionally before we have sex. I can't force it and would never expect him to either.

Hegi627 · July 2014

cramcakes said:

triciaj1 said:

Me and DH don't argue often but when we do we usually draw it out, now that we are TTC it's been funny. We argue and bicker and then "have" to have sex. Is this awkward for anyone else? How do you and DH handle having sex when you don't necessarily feel sexy or want to? For us it actually seems to help get us over a disagreement. At first it's forced but once we get into it it's good. Lol

I've never had sex when I didn't want to.

Lipstick&LeopardPrint · July 2014

MamaBina said:

I'm quickly learning when it's worth fighting over and when it isn't. I think "is this fight worth waiting another cycle to get pregnant?"

Love this! I tend to have a lower drive too, and like others have said, I usually start out less-than-enthused, but always end up having a good time. If we waited for me to "feel like it," it could be a while... That being said, these legs are closed when I'm mad.

ImJessesGirl · July 2014

I have a really high sex drive naturally, so I find myself shutting my mouth about things that could cause an argument just so I don't ruin the mood and get turned down later, lol.

IrisPetals · July 2014

My sex drive is low enough as is, so any amount of stress throws makeup sex out the window. Not only am I not into it mentally, but my body just doesn't respond. I'd rather have a makeup hug.

Segoody · July 2014

Sex when we're pissed at each other is the best! After 10 years of marriage it's a super hot change of pace.

Trampslikeus · July 2014

Slightly OT, but those of you who said you've got a low sex drive - have you always been that way or did it happen over time, and what do you do to kind of... get over it?

My husband and I dont have this issue with fighting necessarily, hardly ever in fact, but in general all it takes to completely erase any desire I have is a rough day or long day at work, or something else pissing me off (other than my husband).

I'm also in the camp of "if I dont wanna, I don't", but I do wish I was in the "I wanna" mode more often...

Trampslikeus · July 2014

kariann12 said:

I've had a low sex drive as long as I can remember. It may have been better before I went on BCP, but that was over 10 years ago. Now, I'm horny a few days a month, usually around my FW. Other times, if I'm not in the mood, usually some foreplay with MH gets me in the mood. I feel bad cuz H wants it a lot more than me, and I wish I wanted sex as much as he does! Otherwise, we do it anyway cuz I love MH :-)

Yeah I'm in the exact same boat. He brought up the other night that he thought I'd be "instigating" more now that we are TTC, but I've still been leaving that to him. I need to work on that. Its one of the only things we've argued about in over 2 years of marriage actually, speaking of arguing.

chaysefaith · July 2014

I've had a low sex drive since I started having sex. It sounds crazy but the only thing that helps boost my sex drive is having all the sex. Once we go a few days without it though I usually feel like I could go the rest of my life without it and not miss a thing.

trinitrotoluene · July 2014

SNLT1012 said:

I've had a low sex drive since I started having sex. It sounds crazy but the only thing that helps boost my sex drive is having all the sex. Once we go a few days without it though I usually feel like I could go the rest of my life without it and not miss a thing.

This is how I am. I do not do well when we skip days. It's hard for me to get back into having sex after my period. However, when we're having regular sex, I'm good to keep going.

Wine&Cupcakes · July 2014

My sex drive is pretty low, but because of my schedule, I'm always pretty exhausted. I have no idea what I will do if DH and I are arguing during my FW, but the thought of missing a cycle for a stupid disagreement that we will soon get over isn't enticing either.

When it comes to sex, I feel similarly about it as I do the gym - I sometimes have to drag myself to go, once I'm there I get into it and by the time I'm on my way home, I'm really happy I did it.

dazzld1 · July 2014

This is happening to us now, speaking of. Not so much with the arguing, but MH is a crappy mood. He has a right because, he's been working really long hours and we just started exercising/eating healthy again about a week ago (which makes us both tired and grumpy for the first two weeks). Those things put together are like a recipe for a crappy mood from him. I know we really should sex it up tonight, since I *think* I'm in my FW, but there's just no way. Usually, we will do it in my suspected FW even if we are tired or not really in the mood, but days like today where the mood is flat out awful... it's just a no. I will say though, on days when I've gotten positive OPKs we have made sure to hit at least EOD regardless of what else is going on. Neither of us want to miss out on a cycle because we slacked off on the one thing in this whole process we can actually control.

MarathonHiker · July 2014

Trampslikeus said:

Slightly OT, but those of you who said you've got a low sex drive - have you always been that way or did it happen over time, and what do you do to kind of... get over it?

My husband and I dont have this issue with fighting necessarily, hardly ever in fact, but in general all it takes to completely erase any desire I have is a rough day or long day at work, or something else pissing me off (other than my husband).

I'm also in the camp of "if I dont wanna, I don't", but I do wish I was in the "I wanna" mode more often...

I've always had a low sex drive, since I started having sex. H was pretty aware of this once we started our relationship, so he works with it. He knows he has to initiate most of the time and it's something he's fine with. I'm fine once I'm having the sex (and enjoy it!) but it's hard for me to get to the point of the wanting it.

jenmcD11 · July 2014

dazzld1 said:

This is happening to us now, speaking of. Not so much with the arguing, but MH is a crappy mood. He has a right because, he's been working really long hours and we just started exercising/eating healthy again about a week ago (which makes us both tired and grumpy for the first two weeks). Those things put together are like a recipe for a crappy mood from him. I know we really should sex it up tonight, since I *think* I'm in my FW, but there's just no way. Usually, we will do it in my suspected FW even if we are tired or not really in the mood, but days like today where the mood is flat out awful... it's just a no. I will say though, on days when I've gotten positive OPKs we have made sure to hit at least EOD regardless of what else is going on. Neither of us want to miss out on a cycle because we slacked off on the one thing in this whole process we can actually control.

This seems to happen to us a lot. As soon as my fertility window approaches, the universe does everything it can to prevent us from having sex. Murphy's law. One of us gets sick, we have an argument, we become super busy with work/life and are never home at the same time etc, one of us is not in the mood... We usually try and rally and give it a try anyway, but it can feel like an effort. Nobody said this baby making thing was easy.

IrisPetals · July 2014

Trampslikeus said:

Slightly OT, but those of you who said you've got a low sex drive - have you always been that way or did it happen over time, and what do you do to kind of... get over it?

I actually used to have a very high sex drive, higher than DH. He used to call me a succubus lol. But over time, after 7 yrs on BC, it just got lower & lower. Maybe my weight has something to do with it too, IDK. It's never completely gone away thank god, but before TTC, I only wanted sex once a week, if that. When the mood strikes, then sex is defenitely amazing for both of us. But if I'm not in the mood & I try anyway, my body fights back - I won't orgasm, my cervix will even hurt. So when I'm saying "not now honey" DH is a good man not to push it.

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Arguing and sex

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DX (me): Inborn error of metabolism - protein restriction, metabolic formula & weekly blood tests

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