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Working Moms
Tess024
member
We're all breaking down over here...
Tess024
member
in Working Moms
So, this may be long winded... mostly a vent.
When I was pregnant, DH's MIL said that it would be no problem to take him. She has him from 7:30 AM to 5:30 PM. except of Thursdays when she only has him until 12:30. She also watched my niece 3-4 days a week, who is almost 4.
Now, it's become a problem. My LO is 5 mo, and my MIL is now feeling overwhelmed with the 2 kids. I can only take so much PTO a year, and I already work 9 hours, 4 days out of the week. If I were to make up work, I would be working until 2 am.
I feel really guilty, but I don't know how to fix this. We cannot afford day care... we can't even afford a babysitter (also the reason why I can't quit my job). We went into this thinking that our childcare would be all set, and now it's falling apart. I just don't know what to do. How do you make everyone happy?
When I was pregnant, DH's MIL said that it would be no problem to take him. She has him from 7:30 AM to 5:30 PM. except of Thursdays when she only has him until 12:30. She also watched my niece 3-4 days a week, who is almost 4.
Now, it's become a problem. My LO is 5 mo, and my MIL is now feeling overwhelmed with the 2 kids. I can only take so much PTO a year, and I already work 9 hours, 4 days out of the week. If I were to make up work, I would be working until 2 am.
I feel really guilty, but I don't know how to fix this. We cannot afford day care... we can't even afford a babysitter (also the reason why I can't quit my job). We went into this thinking that our childcare would be all set, and now it's falling apart. I just don't know what to do. How do you make everyone happy?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: We're all breaking down over here...
Have you checked to see if you qualify for Child Care Assistance? It varies from state to state and county to county, but many will offer help on a sliding scale. You'd most likely still be responsible for a portion, but it might help ease the burden a little.
You are simply going to have to look for childcare options. Are there SAHM's who would be interested in watching the baby in their home? Are there in-home daycares? Would your MIL be willing to do 2 days as opposed to the 5 she is putting in now?
I totally understand that it's hard when you think you have a solution and then it falls through.
But having a plan B at a center with spots is really essential if you have family for child care. My mom was watching DS and then had a heart attack. One day she was watching DS, the next day we were sitting in a surgery waiting area hoping she would survive a quadruple bypass surgery. It was really unexpected.
Not even talking about cost in that situation, our worry was actually finding SOMETHING-any kind of child care fast.
Ultimately we did find some, not preferred options but then my older sister stepped in and we were able to push daycare back farther until we got into our ideal center-and seriously, it took 10 months before a spot opened up at our 2nd choice, and then 14 months before a spot opened up at our first choice.
I'm going to echo that it is a very good idea to look into sending your child at least part time to an in home (which is usually cheaper) or do a part time sitter or part time MDO program. It will give your MIL some relief, be easier to afford, and then it may help you float or get into a full time program if some other emergency comes up.
If you literally can't afford any of that, then that might mean you can qualify for assistance, so I would investigate your options if that is the case.
@aditigirl I just wanted to say I'm very sorry about your mom. We could have been there with mine, too. She's never fully recovered from the sudden health issues she had, but she's still with us. I was so scared, though.
I 100% agree with you that a plan B is essential when you're dependent on family.
On a bit of a side note. I also think if you can afford it you need to pay family to watch your kids, but it seems OP could not.
I wasn't going to initially mention that b/c on one hand it's a different topic but then again on another it's not. It's easier to put up with being a helper to someone when you feel you are being appreciated, whether it's by being paid in money or some other kind of appreciation. Not to say that lack of appreciation is why OP's MIL is feeling the strain, 2 kids is a lot under any circumstances, it's just something to keep in mind.
I was thinking about getting a part time job in addition to my current job, but having a kid in day care from 7:30 am until 7pm just seems crazy to me, not to mention most day cares wouldn't take him that late anyways, and the cost would probably be more than I would make at the P/T job. My husband doesn't get home until 7, so that would be the earliest he could get there if I were to go right from Job A to job B.
but whatever... I guess everyone makes it through eventually, right?
I really do appreciate the helpful tips that everyone it offering. I think that we will just have to do major budget cuts to find the extra funds. There is no way I am qualifying for the subsidized programs.
I am just thinking if you can get your MIL help for at least part of the week and them your niece starts preschool/kindergarten in the fall it may work out. I can see why your MIL is overwhelmed but it also seems you really don't have good options.
As another possibility, when I looked at DC's one great in-home I found was $100/wk for 3 days a week. So if you can find something reasonable like that then maybe you can find enough in your budget to cover at least a few days a week of DC.
It sounds like you need your income and not working isn't that simple of a solution.