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dont want husbands 5 year old sister around baby.

AshliegheeAshlieghee member
in 3rd Trimester
How do I politely tell my mother in law I do not want her 5 year old around the baby. She is so incredibly hyper doesn't listen pracrically tortures their animals they do not pay attention to her. It makes me very uncomfortable and husband feels the same way. But she is their little princess that can never do no wrong and will get pissed. How do I politely tell her I do not want her around?
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Re: dont want husbands 5 year old sister around baby.

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  • Disneygeek77Disneygeek77 member
    Many hospitals have big sister/ big brother classes.  There they learn about being careful around babies, hold a life sized baby doll and might even take a tour of the nursery.  Perhaps you can check it out and see if that would help.
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  • julestonyjulestony member
    Ditto to PPs. Also remember, when she's at your house, regardless od what her parents say, its your house and you set the rules. Be assertive in that regard. Your DH should happily back you.
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  • RedBaramidRedBaramid member
    I just wanted to say hey, I hear you. My DH has a nightmare sister too, and despite being nipped by the dog and scratched by the cats because she pays no mind when we try and say "Stop it they want to be left alone" she still doesn't learn... and she's almost 7.  She is her daddy's angel and can scream and yell and completely mistreat her mother, and still receives no concrete punishment. DH and I have been plotting for quite a while as to how to handle her and her eventual wants to interact with our child. My suggestions:

    1)Even if no one else in her life "yells" at her or disciplines her, start as soon as you can making sure that she recognizes she cannot walk all over you. If your family gets upset about it, make sure your and your H are both on the same page and explain that her behavior is not in line with your expectations, and you will not allow her to behave badly to you/in your home/space.  Be polite but firm.  My IL's struggled for a time with DH and I getting on his sister's case but now they actually have started to use our methods as example. She doesn't misbehave nearly as much in our presence. (But I promise she still drives us insane... )

    2) When she asks about/talks about/wants to hold the baby remind her that babies are a big girl privileged.  When DH's sister starts giving us hell we remind her that her behavior is not fitting for a person who is about to become an aunt, which is a great responsibility and something she should be proud of. If she starts acting out, especially once the baby arrives, remind her that getting to be around the LO is a privileged, and if she cannot behave well she cannot be part of whatever is happening at the time.

    My IL's took a while before they came around to DH and I standing up, and I imagine yours might too, but as long as you are level headed, you and your H are on the same page, and you don't yell at her/try to over ride her parents in their territory, then you might at least make some good ground. Good luck.
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  • AmandaadavisAmandaadavis member
    I'm absolutely blown away at the ppl criticiticizing or saying you'll be called names for not wanting a hethern child around your newborn. BLOWN AWAY.

    ANYTHING can be done tactfully. This is YOUR and YOUR husbands child. NO 'package deal' says you have to let a screaming squirming 5 yr old hold your baby.

    You can say that you don't want children holding the baby if that's what you and your husband want. You could try to ease her around the baby, see how she does. But most of all...do what you and your husband want. You may not be the most popular but as long as your looking out for your child who gives a........ [-X
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  • AmandaadavisAmandaadavis member
    MrsMuq said:


    Amandaadavis said:

    I'm absolutely blown away at the ppl criticiticizing or saying you'll be called names for not wanting a hethern child around your newborn. BLOWN AWAY.

    ANYTHING can be done tactfully. This is YOUR and YOUR husbands child. NO 'package deal' says you have to let a screaming squirming 5 yr old hold your baby.

    You can say that you don't want children holding the baby if that's what you and your husband want. You could try to ease her around the baby, see how she does. But most of all...do what you and your husband want. You may not be the most popular but as long as your looking out for your child who gives a........ [-X

    Big difference between putting limitations on the 5yo's interactions with the baby and saying the 5yo can't "be around" the baby (i.e. - 5yo cannot come and visit is how the majority of us interpreted this).

    Maybe you should re-read the post again before commenting about those of us "criticizing" OP's views on how to handle said "heathen" child.


    Lol....calm down...no way I will get into any form of argument with some female I don't even know. No thanks...we'll just agree to disagree.
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  • MMason12MMason12 member
    I would agree with PP that you and your husband more than likely cannot ban the 5 year old 100% from being around your LO.  But what you can do is control their interactions when they are in the same place. You do not have to allow the 5 year old to hold your little or play with them. And you can politely - but firmly - correct their behavior if they act up with your LO. Other than that -- your husband should -- without a doubt -- be dealing with his parents on this. They are not your parents, they are his.  
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  • JenrileysmomJenrileysmom member
    symphony4586 said:
    I would be so offended if someone told me that my child was not allowed around their baby because she was hyper....I could not imagine anyone saying that, especially not anyone in our family!

    OP you will have a 5 year old some day too. Just some food for thought. 
    If your 5 year old's behavior was bad enough it caused another family member to have concern about their baby's safety in your child's presense hopefully you would be offended enough to take a look at your own parenting and do something about it.
    I'm not suggesting she ask the 5 year old to babysit. 
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