PR/Lying and honesty

Whenigrowup · July 2014

At what age do kids understand what it means to be honest vs. lying? Dd is 3.5 and lies quite a bit, about silly things, and I don't know if it is even close to age appropriate to teach her about it. I usually correct her (like when she said a boy from school made a mess in her room, I pointed out that he has never been to our house). Just wondering. It bothers dh a lot, and me too that she doesn't take responsibility for herself, but she's three.

jorkz821 · July 2014

No advice but we're in the same boat. She tells us she needs to use the potty as a stalking tactic or out of boredom sometimes. I try talking to her about not "telling stories" like that because then I'll never know if it's true later on but I don't think she grasps the concept.

aforst · July 2014

Idk. My 3.5 year old will lie too. He will poop his pants (whole other issue). I'll ask if he did and he'll say no. We talk
about not telling lies. He still does it though. Basically, he'll lie if he thinks the truth with get him in trouble

TiffanyBerry · July 2014

Read the chapter in NurtureShock about lying. Please.

It's normal. Totally, totally, totally normal. Developmentally appropriate for them to go through and a cognitively important skill to get through. It says a lot about understanding what is in their mind and what is in other people's minds.

We get it occasionally.

LC122 · July 2014

TiffanyBerry said:
Read the chapter in NurtureShock about lying. Please.
It's normal. Totally, totally, totally normal. Developmentally appropriate for them to go through and a cognitively important skill to get through. It says a lot about understanding what is in their mind and what is in other people's minds.

We get it occasionally.

Glad someone else has read this book too. I was going to say the same thing.

The good news is that smart kids tend to be better liars. So, maybe your kids are all geniuses?

Also, there is something about not setting your kids up to lie. Like, no rhetorical questions. If you know they broke a lamp, don't ask "Did you break that lamp?"

jellybean529 · July 2014

My DD (6) lies sometimes, and I think it's more of a defense mechanism than anything. She's a people pleaser by nature, but sometimes lies to get sympathy or manipulate situations too. Like today she wanted to get out of her bath so she told me she didn't go swimming at summer camp (she has to wash her hair those days to get pool chemicals out). I called her on it ("So I won't find a wet bathing suit in your backpack?") and she changed her story. I try to keep it light -- she's not doing it to be malicious at this point, she's testing. I'm really hoping I'm going about this the right way...haha.

Whenigrowup · July 2014

Thanks for the input!

I guess I need to stop the little-white-Mommy-lies (The park is closed, Barney is sleeping right now.)

She definitely tells lies most often when she has done something she knows is wrong. The other day she was trying to get the dog to stay in her room, and she had him by the tail as he tried to leave. I said, "We don't pull the dog's tail,", and she said, hand still firmly wrapped around his tail and trying to pull him backward into her room, "I'm not!!)

The other "lies" she tells are more magical thinking, creative stories, and I don't mind those. Sure, there is a witch in the bathroom and we need to lock the door so she can't come in. No problem.

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