Leaving the baby..

Alyssa&bby · June 2014

How old should the baby be for you to leave him/her with grandma?? Scared to go out!!

Emerald27 · June 2014

This isn't something you really need to worry about now. Why not wait and see how you feel when the time comes? Some moms are itching for a break/ some alone time when LO is just a month or two old, whereas others don't want to leave baby AT ALL for months. Listen to and follow your heart and your and LO's needs.

DH and I get away every couple months for a dinner out, and we started that when DS was about 4 or 5 months old. I was pumping at work and so had some milk for a spare bottle just in case while we were out. We weren't gone for more than a few hours, though. That was the limit of my comfort.

As for overnight away trips, I never felt comfortable leaving DS alone overnight. It was just easier to plan to bring him with me wherever I went (much easier to wear him in a carrier and nurse when he was hungry than to lug around a pump and find a place to express while away, and no worry because he was with me). Some moms find that going away overnight doesn't bother them. Others dread it - there isn't a right or wrong. Like I said, just follow your heart and your and LO's needs.

bennikki · June 2014

DS was born Jan 21, and DH and I went on a date for Valentine's Day while his parents watched him. DS would have been 3 weeks old, and we were only gone about 2 hours; we just did dinner. I left about 3 oz. of pumped milk in case he seemed hungry. I have no issues with my parents or DH's parents level of care they can provide to my child, so I had no problem leaving for such a short period of time that early. My sister's MIL is such a flake that she still doesn't let her take care of my nieces who are 1 and 3 for longer than an a few hours even though her MIL is constantly asking to have the girls. Even when she does have them for a couple hours, she manages to feed them things she shouldn't, like strawberries to an 8 month old, or giving them stuff my sister doesn't want them to have, like juice. I think it depends on how much you trust the person caring for your child and what your child is like. Your baby might be super easy going, nurses or bottle feeds like a champ, and it's just not an issue, or you could have a baby with horrible colic and gas making it harder to leave them with someone else.

Alyssa&bby · June 2014

Well to be honest, I'm already worried about leaving him & he's not due for another 3 months.. I'm a young mother, I'll be turning 21 exactly a month after he's born. I would love to relax & enjoy a glass of wine at Olive Garden, but is that selfish wanting to go out on my birthday when he's only a month old??

ss265 · June 2014

DH and I had dinner alone when DS was 9 days old. We left him with my Mom who was staying with us at the time. Honestly, it felt like heaven for us to get time to ourselves. Like PP, it really depends on you and your comfort level. I am probably on one end of the extreme but having DS was a huge shock to our system and it was awesome for us to get some time as a couple, even though he was really young.

We are also extremely fortunate because we live near family so we have never had to hire a babysitter for DS outside of family. My birthday next month might be the very first time because DH's parents and siblings are all taking a trip together around the time of my birthday and won't be around to babysit. I am honestly a little nervous about leaving him with someone other than family.

megsandjohn · June 2014

Alyssa&bby said:
Well to be honest, I'm already worried about leaving him & he's not due for another 3 months.. I'm a young mother, I'll be turning 21 exactly a month after he's born. I would love to relax & enjoy a glass of wine at Olive Garden, but is that selfish wanting to go out on my birthday when he's only a month old??

It's definitely NOT selfish! It's your birthday! If it would be a nice break for you to go out for dinner and leave baby for a few hours and you are comfortable doing so, go for it! If you would have anxiety about it and be worrying the whole time, you might have a more enjoyable time bringing baby long. Totally up to you and your comfort!

One thing I have learned after having two children and struggling with postpartum mood disorders, is that self-care is a top priority! You need breaks, you need time to yourself and you need to do things you enjoy. Guilt is a strong emotion that starts as soon as you become pregnant! And only gets worse once the baby is born. It was something I struggled with a lot and didn't do things for myself because of it. And I crashed. Hard.

What I know now is that we have to take good care of ourselves in order to take good care of our babies! And if that means a glass of wine at the Olive Garden, your baby will thank you for taking care of your needs too and being a happy, healthy mama!

DaniGrace89 · June 2014

I don't have an answer for you, but I have been worrying about it too!

The idea of leaving my daughter at this point is terrifying. I know my parents would LOVE to watch her. And it would be good for my husband and I to be together alone for a bit. So maybe a quick dinner out with my parents at our house with our babe. Or we can just run to walgreens. And of course, I'll expect pic texts every 5 minutes from them. Haha

hgielrebmik · June 2014

Start small and work up to bigger outings....your comfort level will grow once you see LO really is okay w grandma or whoever else. A trip to the grocery store is a good first outing, then build up to dinner or a date night and so on. That being said, the length of trips depends partially on your baby. It was really hard for me to be away from DS for more than a few hours because he never would take a bottle. (SAHM by then). However, DD was used to daycare and I had to go on 2 day business trips once a month, so DH had to be solely responsible, and she was always fine.

futuremrsnjoroge · June 2014

Interesting. I never really thought about other perspectives on this.

I'll be bringing in an assistant for 2 to 3 days per week beginning at 4 weeks old. I'll be there with them until he's 8-10 weeks (basically until Jan 1). After that point, they'll be with him for one day by themselves. The other day, I'll be there, but they'll be responsible for most baby care and cleaning.

As for mom keeping him, she can have him!! lol No. Seriously, she's going to spend a lot of time at my place initially. I expect to go to some of my clients' holiday galas and banquets in December, as well as out for NYE. My parents will keep him then. Other than that, he'll be with me - mostly because I don't want him lugged around in the colder months.

By Spring, he's free to visit Grandma's whenever they start missing each other.

bumpuser10309732 · June 2014

Like PP said it's comfort level. I remember when my brother/SIL had my niece (she's 9) they refused to let anyone watch her until she was about 4...not even my mom... fast forward to number 3 and my mom was watching him from 1 week on since my SIL was in nursing school.

Emerald27 · June 2014

It's totally not selfish to want to go out and celebrate your birthday.

Also, not wanting to leave LO is no reason not to go celebrate!! Just bring him with you if you're more comfortable and will have a better time that way. Newborns sleep so so much and are so portable. They don't get bored and start throwing silverware or dumping out the salt and pepper...like my 2 year old, sigh. They're super easy to eat out with.

ETA: details

NavyFlyer · June 2014

Well, I gotta go back to work after 6 weeks and my mom is going to watch him, so I am going to have to go with 6 weeks..... because that is whats going to happen.

SusieBW · June 2014

I left DD overnight (home with DH) for the first time when she was about 3 months, and I think we left her with my parents at about 4 months. I left her home with DH for a few hours to go out for drinks with the girls when she was 3 or 4 weeks old, and I think we probably left her alone with my parents for a few hours around the same time, but I honestly don't remember.

It depends on your comfort level and your child, really, and the answer will be different for everyone. DD was a really laid back baby who had no trouble switching between breast and a bottle from really early on and who slept through the night pretty early on, too. And we are fortunate to have two sets of grandparents close by who we trust and are completely comfortable with. I understand that not everyone has those luxuries. If going away overnight would've meant leaving our 4 month old with a babysitter other than our parents, there's a good chance it wouldn't have happened for quite a bit longer.

But there is nothing selfish about wanting to go out and celebrate your birthday without an infant in tow! Like Emerald said, though, infants are super easy in restaurants (especially as compared to toddlers) and they tend to sleep through a lot, so you might be able to bring the baby with you without too much hassle.

Maggie6424 · June 2014

This is going to vary widely for most of us, however, I'd be fine leaving baby for an hour or so at a week old. My parents would be fine with a newborn. However, we live in a different state so we don't have that option.

slsl509 · June 2014

DH and I went on a movie date when DD was a couple of weeks old. My parents live very close so they took care of her and still do. She slept in her carseat the entire time!

Raesofsunshine1 · June 2014

We left DD at 1 month old for a couple hours while we went on our anniversary dinner date.

I just left her overnight about 2 weeks ago for one night so we could get away before number 2 comes.

persephonerose · June 2014

Don't be like me! If you have family who will help and you trust them take advantage of it!

DH and I have never had a date night alone since DS1 was born. I have only left him with DH twice to go to the store by myself and only in an emergency. DS1 has only been in the care of his Aunt one time, the day we did our embryo transfer, and we scheduled it so he would be asleep the 3hrs we were gone.

vrj0522 · June 2014

Nicb13 said:

Alyssa&bby said:

Well to be honest, I'm already worried about leaving him & he's not due for another 3 months.. I'm a young mother, I'll be turning 21 exactly a month after he's born. I would love to relax & enjoy a glass of wine at Olive Garden, but is that selfish wanting to go out on my birthday when he's only a month old??

Hell no it's not selfish.
DH and I went to the movies when DS was 2 weeks old and left him with my mom. Then, we left him overnight with my mom when he was 7 weeks old. It's all about how comfortable you are and WHO you are comfortable leaving your baby with.
With that being said, you might not even want to once that baby is here so DON'T stress this now.

I agree with all of this. We left DS when he was 12 days old with my mom who was in town, so that DH and I could go to dinner and have a little break, and I left him with her another couple of times while I went to the store for about an hour, all before he was 2 weeks old (I know because that's how long she stayed with us after his birth). I also left him with my parents overnight when he was 3 months old.

Like PP said, it's hard to know how you'll feel about it after baby is born. I couldn't have answered when would be the right time with DS before he was born but once he was born, I was a lot more aware of how I felt about things and what I felt I could handle in being away from him. As long as you are comfortable with leaving your newborn with your mom, you should be fine going out to dinner a month after he is born.

BreandMikewedding · June 2014

My MIL will be here for two weeks around the time this LO is born. He is actually due on our anniversary and I would love to go have dinner with just Dh and I for our anniversary while she is here but I don't know if that will actually happen. It has been over two years (will be three years when LO is born) since my Dh and I went out by ourselves. The closest we've had was lunch alone a few months ago while dd was at school and ds was at daycare.

See how you feel once you have your baby. Everyone is different.

AmandaJean12 · June 2014

Alyssa&bby said:

Well to be honest, I'm already worried about leaving him & he's not due for another 3 months.. I'm a young mother, I'll be turning 21 exactly a month after he's born. I would love to relax & enjoy a glass of wine at Olive Garden, but is that selfish wanting to go out on my birthday when he's only a month old??

I don't think that's selfish at all. I think the answer really depends on who is watching him though. If my mom or sister, or someone I really trusted was in town, I'd probably be ok with it when my LO was a few weeks old. I'm not sure there are many people I'd trust in that first month though.

pnwlover12 · June 2014

Nicb13 said:

Perhaps I should also mention that you might not even FEEL like going out when the baby is only a few weeks old.
I mentioned that I went to the movies when DS was 2 weeks old but I hardly enjoyed myself. I kept falling asleep and I was bleeding so much that I kept having to go to the bathroom and change my gigantic diaper-like pad! TMI, I know, but I forgot how crappy those first few weeks were!

THIS. I was going to say the exact same thing about you possibly not wanting to go out. Even at a month old, newborns are brutal. You might be surprised that you would rather pick an hour or two of extra sleep vs. going out.

That being said, if you want to go out, go out! It doesn't make you selfish at all and will probably just improve your sanity. It's a good thing to get some fun/adult time when you have a baby demanding your care 24/7.

JessAnnJ · July 2014

We left DD with my sister when she was a few weeks old to go out and eat lunch. We went at an off time after she had just been fed. All she did was sleep in my sister's arms and we were not far away. It was nice to be able to eat with two hands and talk. DD was in daycare at 16 weeks.

MorganWP · July 2014

I dont remember exactly how old she was, less than a month though for sure, but we left her with my mom while SO and I went out to a movie. I left some pumped milk for her and she slept the entire time we were gone. I was worried about her but had no reason to be.

Now SO and I go out, just us, about once or twice a month. But I have a feeling that will change once DS gets here. Its a lot different watching two kids than one.

cozybluebear · July 2014

Honestly, my son is 17 months old and I have never left him for longer than 3 hours. I have only ever left him with my Mom amd I believe the first time was for my 6 week checkup. I had total separation anxiety for that hour but I was more comfortable leaving him home than in a germy waiting room. My son was born during flu season so he literally didn't leave the house for the first 3 months of his life. I know that at this age, it's healthy for him to see that Mommy went away and Mommy came back... I've been leaving him with my Mom for a couple hours every other week or so for appointments and grocery shopping. Leaving your baby will be one of the hardest things you've ever done but you'll know when it's time... don't let anyone push you!! Heck, the week he was born I would get upset when I had to go shower and be away from him.

Eastie156 · July 2014

Alyssa&bby said:

Well to be honest, I'm already worried about leaving him & he's not due for another 3 months.. I'm a young mother, I'll be turning 21 exactly a month after he's born. I would love to relax & enjoy a glass of wine at Olive Garden, but is that selfish wanting to go out on my birthday when he's only a month old??

@Alyssa&bby

It's not selfish to want to enjoy your life and yourself after your baby is born. I think it's great that you are wondering about this. After DS was born in Sept 2012, DH and I had our first "night out" (exactly 2 hours for dinner because I was a nervous wreck). Our IL's watched our son, who was about 6 weeks old at the time. It wasn't a big deal, he slept the whole time we were gone. FYI- get your date nights when you can, because I can tell you after that, we probably didn't have time away from our son for almost 6 months!

Eastie156 · July 2014

Nicb13 said:

Perhaps I should also mention that you might not even FEEL like going out when the baby is only a few weeks old.
I mentioned that I went to the movies when DS was 2 weeks old but I hardly enjoyed myself. I kept falling asleep and I was bleeding so much that I kept having to go to the bathroom and change my gigantic diaper-like pad! TMI, I know, but I forgot how crappy those first few weeks were!

I agree with @Nicb13, but my IL's forced me to go out and I'm glad they did, but DS was 6 weeks old and I was pretty "recovered" at that point physically. Looking back on that date night, I wish we'd stayed out longer than 2 hours!

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