Becoming a gestational carrier

MDTTC#2 · June 2014

Good Morning! I hope I'm posting this in the right place. I'm going to apologize in advance - I haven't been on these boards in quite a while so I'm a bit rusty on the lingo and this is a whole new world for me so I'm a bit out of my element. Please forgive me if I'm not using the correct terminology.

Sooo, here's my story. My DH and I struggled for many years with male factor infertility. We were blessed in 2012 with my DS who is a wonderful (almost) 2 1/2 yr old. We tried last year for #2 but I guess it wasn't in the cards (we couldn't afford IVF). It took us some time to realize that we were ok with our miracle baby.

Now to the important part. My cousin, who has also struggled with IF for many, many years is still childless. As a matter of fact she is the one who recommended the clinic we went to and had success. She and I talked last June about her struggles, the stress on her marriage and how difficult to see her 3 sisters each have 4 children. I told her that once I knew what my situation was going to be, I would be her surrogate. Well, fast forward to last week. She and I sat down and I told her that I was ready to move forward. She's going to set up a consultation with her RE (he's also my former RE) to see where to start.

I'm excited but also nervous because I don't know what questions I should ask. I'm also concerned with the financial peice...I don't really understand how this all works and what portion insurance will cover and so on. For example, my insurance doesn't cover IF at all, but will they cover me once I "get pregnant"? Oh, so many questions.

Any feedback is welcome. Thanks! (P.S sorry for the novel)

pmv81 · June 2014

I don't have any personal experience with this, but just wanted to say I think it's a really wonderful & amazing thing you are doing for your cousin. I'm sure there are many ladies on this board who have some insight for you! Good luck!

Mama-Bear · June 2014

First, your IP's will cover ANY and EVERY cost you would incur by being their surrogate. Any medical bills your insurance doesn't cover, your attorney, etc. Do NOT use your medical insurance at the RE clinic or for anything until getting released to your OB, I would even ask your RE to remove your insurance info from their systems. What state are you in? You will both need your own attorneys and a solid contract, even though it's family, you'll have a pretty standard contract minus a few pages for compensation (I assume). If you work your IP's will be responsible for lost wages and childcare after delivery and if put on BR. Discuss how many you're willing to carry and how many they're willing to raise, don't transfer more than that. Are you willing to terminate/reduce for various reasons, figure that out on both sides. Does you insurance have an exclusion (many have exclusions if your the IP looking for a surrogate but don't have an exclusion for you being a surrogate), get a copy of your benefits package and look it over. It's debated whether you should just call and ask the insurance or not, I vote not to call because I don't see how anything good can come from it and you can find the info out on your own by reading up on your benefits/exclusions.

Congratulations and good luck to you and your cousin.

MDTTC#2 · June 2014

Thank you for the kind words pmv81!

Wow, Mama-Bear - my head is spinning a little bit. Thank you for all of the great information. It's funny, I guess initially I figured that if I was doing it for family and not looking to be compensated, it wouldn't be as complicated but you're right. There is still a lot to consider and we need to make sure we figure it all out ahead of time. Thanks again!

MDTTC#2 · June 2014

Oh, and I'm in Maryland

Mama-Bear · June 2014

What I would suggest is to look on 2 forums, one is surromomsonline.com, the other is allaboutsurrogacy.com. It is a head spinning process, but if you just read and read, if your brain works like mine, you'll start to figure out how to organize all of the information. Both are good sites, SMO is larger, AAS is smaller but also a bit gentler (SMO isn't exactly snarky, but very passionate). I'm 3.little.monkey on SMO

MDTTC#2 · June 2014

I'll be sure to check them both out -thanks again!

sarahjeri · June 2014

I would also highly suggest everyone seeing a fertility counselor together and separately. with us using a known egg donor, I think that was the best decision we made because it brought up a lot of things that neither party had thought of.

Mama-Bear · June 2014

@sarahjeri to do surrogacy, most clinics require phsych testing prior to transfer. The GS will have to take the dreaded MMPI2 and everyone will talk privately and together.

DoulaRaVenMa · June 2014

Just wanted to welcome you!!
Mama bear cover most of it

lincoln79 · June 2014

We are using a gestational carrier as well. At our first meeting with them, I put together a presentation in Po wer POin t to help guide us all through a discussion of the complicated issues. PM me if you want a copy, I am happy to share!

For us, our insurance covered all IF (even for our GC) and then her insurance covered it once she got a positive beta. However, each situation is different.

It is so wonderful that you are being so generous with someone else. It is an amazing gift (really no words to cover it) that we feel so blessed to be a recipient of.

MDTTC#2 · July 2014

Thanks everyone! lincoln79 I just sent you a message. Congratulations on the pregnancy!

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