Jealous and immature rant ahead...

mrs2mommy92 · June 2014

So I know this is probably remarkably immature but, as I mentioned in my first post, I am getting married on September 6th and will begin TTC either next cycle or the one after that. All of my close friends know those things. However, one of my bridesmaids just excitedly told me on the phone about her BFP that she got this morning. She wasn't even trying with her boyfriend of 2 months!! And she has the nerve to say to me "well I hope this doesn't take the spot light off of you on your wedding day". Like really?!? Ughhhhh.

Am I wrong to feel a bit jealous of her pregnancy? If it wasn't for my upcoming wedding, we would have been TTC many many cycles ago, and because of that I think I'm bitter about having to wait and friends/family getting pregnant in the meantime.

End rant. Lol sorry!! So childish.

gscoville · June 2014

You can feel what you want to feel, as long as you don't actually act on your jealous feelings or take them out on the object of your jealousy. Life goes on for others regardless of your wedding or TTC plans, ya know. Others have posted here about being a bridesmaid in a wedding and having the bride to be tell them they could NOT get pregnant or even TTC as that would take the spotlight off of her, and that felt downright cray cray to me, I would just hope you're not being that bridezilla-ish.

FitMom3510 · June 2014

It can be hard to see others get pregnant sometimes when you are wanting to, I feel that way on occasion. Of course I'm happy for them but it just ups my baby fever haha. it is weird that she mentioned about taking the spotlight away from you especially being that she will only be 3 months and wont be showing too much most likely, but Don't sweat it, be happy for her and know that your time will come when it's supposed to and that it's better to have a baby when you guys are ready vs having to compete.

mrs2mommy92 · June 2014

WhoCanItBeNow said:
I'm sure getting pregnant by someone she's known for 2 months was totes the best thing to ever happen.

Quit being an asshole.

She's actually really happy about it. Lol. And I was very supportive to her when she told me...she's been my friend since we've been four.

mrs2mommy92 · June 2014

gscoville said:

You can feel what you want to feel, as long as you don't actually act on your jealous feelings or take them out on the object of your jealousy. Life goes on for others regardless of your wedding or TTC plans, ya know. Others have posted here about being a bridesmaid in a wedding and having the bride to be tell them they could NOT get pregnant or even TTC as that would take the spotlight off of her, and that felt downright cray cray to me, I would just hope you're not being that bridezilla-ish.

Oh no!! I would never be a bridezilla lol. I told her how happy I was for her an everything. Was just being jealous for a little. Your right though, life doesn't stop for my wedding or anything else.

Told you it was childish!! Lol

icaughtfire · June 2014

You're the one making the choice not to TTC right now, so getting mad at other people who wind up pregnant seems pretty ridiculous.

AnonymousNurse · June 2014

So... your friend got knocked up accidentally by someone she's known for 2 months and you're jealous? And you haven't even started TTC yet? I'm glad you at least realize how silly this is, but come on now. It's not like there are a pre-determined number of babies to go around every year and her pregnancy somehow makes you less likely to conceive when you do start trying.

I totally understand wanting a baby and you are entitled to feel how you feel, just remember to look at the entire situation before you start feeling too jealous. You are getting married in a couple months - that is super exciting! Try to focus on the present : )

Trampslikeus · June 2014

There are people on this board who have been trying for months... years... to get a BFP

... and you're having a hissy fit because someone got pregnant before you chose to start TTC, because you chose to have a wedding before TTC?

I really, truly don't understand your reaction and it doesn't sound like anything more than an immature bridezilla moment. Sorry, can't relate or empathize here.

mrs2mommy92 · June 2014

Okay..let me clarify because I definitely don't want people to think I'm a total asshole.

I realized that it was childish and stupid for me to feel that way. I can't really help the way I felt when she told me. I was very supportive despite that.

Reading my post back, I can see how it appears that I believe that the whole world revolves around me. That's not the case and I am actually very upset that I came off that way.

I feel like I've ruined this experience of being a part of this TTC community with only my second post, and I'm sorry for that. I know you ladies are a tight knit community.

I'll stop now.. Sorry again and thanks.

WhiskyandWhiskers · June 2014

OP you're feeling jealous right meow?

Start feeling the jealous feelings when you start TTC.

lilsneezy · June 2014

Yes, it is ridiculous to be jealous of something you're not even trying to achieve yet. Your friend's pregnancy has nothing to do with your potential future pregnancy, or even your wedding for that matter. Maybe she's jealous of you for getting married! We all go through different things at different times so just be happy for your friend and let her have her moment.

catlover790 · June 2014

I can understand these feelings when you are actually TTC but you aren't yet so it seems a little silly to me since you are planning a wedding and that should be so exciting for you right now. I've had friends get pregnant and have the baby during the time when we have been TTC and it is very hard to think about but I'm just not sure I can understand your post. You are choosing to wait for a few months so it's not like you are TTC yet. I hope you are able to still be supportive of your friend and enjoy your wedding day before worrying about TTC!

mrs2mommy92 · June 2014

WhoCanItBeNow said:
So it only bothered you for a second but it bothered you long enough to come here and whine about it?

K.

Are you trying to make me feel like an even bigger dumbass? I posted above that I was sorry and realize how ridiculous it was that I even posted this. I am actually a nice, caring person who really wants to be a part of this group.

justMaike · June 2014

mrs2mommy92 said:
Okay..let me clarify because I definitely don't want people to think I'm a total asshole.

I realized that it was childish and stupid for me to feel that way. I can't really help the way I felt when she told me. I was very supportive despite that.

Reading my post back, I can see how it appears that I believe that the whole world revolves around me. That's not the case and I am actually very upset that I came off that way.

I feel like I've ruined this experience of being a part of this TTC community with only my second post, and I'm sorry for that. I know you ladies are a tight knit community.

I'll stop now.. Sorry again and thanks.

Thank you for not using lol in your response this time!
Well since you already know how childish and bridezillaish this post came across I hope you learned something from the responses given.
With that said I don't think you need to vanish from the board just think before you post..

jlo629 · June 2014

You have to just try and be happy for her. Enjoy your wedding day and enjoy your TTC journey and just stop worrying about others.

URMySunshine77 · June 2014

gscoville said:

You can feel what you want to feel, as long as you don't actually act on your jealous feelings or take them out on the object of your jealousy. Life goes on for others regardless of your wedding or TTC plans, ya know.

What @gscoville said.

And most people get flamed at least once when joining the board. I'm sure that people will forget in a month as long as you become a supportive participant.

Good luck to you when you start TTC!

suzysurparis · June 2014

I see what you're saying OP. And it's good that you understand that your feelings are childish and jealousy at something you're not even trying to do yet is crazy (crazy does come with wedding planning, just an FYI). And it's even better that you didnt say anything snarky to her.

But, Bridezilla or not, I'd be pissed if a bridesmaid mentioned taking my spotlight on my wedding day. That just doesnt need to be said. She'll be three months along, it's not her fucking baby shower, why should she be expecting/mentioning a spotlight at all? Is she going to write her announcement into her speech or something? There's something creepy about the comment, it's not a big deal to have a pregnant bridesmaid, even one who's 7 or 8 months, but it is a big deal if you have a bridesmaid that's considering your wedding as her personal announcement venue. That would be my only concern and you might want to discuss it with her beforehand since three months is when people normally announce it. If anything, having a talk with her about how this is going to play-out will put your own mind at ease and maybe the comment was just her own fear of hurting you and you're reading too much into it.

Catcherryesux · June 2014

I felt something similar earlier this year when two of my friends got absolutely awesome job offers. That was completely irrational: both these individuals have advanced degrees, have gotten additional certifications, and pretty much hit the ground running after college when their peers were getting married and having kids and shifting their priority from work to family. In short, they both completely deserve their fancy titles yet I was totally jealous. You can't help how you feel, as long as you are supportive to their faces and keep your jealous feelings under wraps.

As you found out, this particular board is a spectacularly bad venue to discuss something like this. I'm glad your response was to reflect on the answers you've gotten instead of telling everyone off. It shows you're not an asshole. Buy your friend a nice baby gift and continue to be a supportive friend.

icaughtfire · June 2014

sjpmcfmd said:
I see what you're saying OP. And it's good that you understand that your feelings are childish and jealousy at something you're not even trying to do yet is crazy (crazy does come with wedding planning, just an FYI). And it's even better that you didnt say anything snarky to her.

But, Bridezilla or not, I'd be pissed if a bridesmaid mentioned taking my spotlight on my wedding day. That just doesnt need to be said. She'll be three months along, it's not her fucking baby shower, why should she be expecting/mentioning a spotlight at all? Is she going to write her announcement into her speech or something? There's something creepy about the comment, it's not a big deal to have a pregnant bridesmaid, even one who's 7 or 8 months, but it is a big deal if you have a bridesmaid that's considering your wedding as her personal announcement venue. That would be my only concern and you might want to discuss it with her beforehand since three months is when people normally announce it. If anything, having a talk with her about how this is going to play-out will put your own mind at ease and maybe the comment was just her own fear of hurting you and you're reading too much into it.

...Or maybe OP has acted like a crazy person in the past and gave the friend reason to believe that OP would think having a pregnant person in her wedding would "steal her spotlight."

RoastyToasty · June 2014

Hm, I might get some myself but I've been there. Irrational jealousy sucks the big one. For a while we were abstaining from TTC#1 for several reasons, although I badly badly wanted to start. I remember sobbing after coming home from a baby shower for a friend. It was a really dark, horrible place to be. Was I happy for my friend? Of course! It was my own issue I had to work out.

Wine&Cupcakes · June 2014

I can't jump on board this...I get wishing you were TTC and wishing it were you being pregnant but...no.

suzysurparis · June 2014

@mackenziesmama that's a really good point, we dont know if OP went crazy on something like this before. Or maybe in the wedding planning she mentioned not wanting anyone to steal her thunder and she's since forgotten about it but the friend didnt. I think she's mostly freaking out and should sleep on it a few days/weeks and if she's seriously worried at that time to have a talk.

Jealous and immature rant ahead...

Re: Jealous and immature rant ahead...

DX (me): Inborn error of metabolism - protein restriction, metabolic formula & weekly blood tests

DNA Results (7/1): DH is NOT a carrier for my genetic disorder!

7/3: Metabolic clinic gave the green light to TTC - holy crap!

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