Scared to ttc

pia03 · June 2014

Hi all, I miscarried April this year and I still trying to get over it. As anyone else going through or having gone through a similar situation, I have been constantly thinking of what must have gone wrong , or if I did something wrong. As much as I don't want to keep thinking about it I don't know how not to do it. I am planning to start ttcing again soon after three cycles. I am now afraid instead of excited to start that process. How did you girls get over this fear, what did you tell yourself which made you a little relaxed? What precautions did you take after getting pregnant again? Thanks Pia

meredithcarole · June 2014

Well, most on this board have not gotten pregnant again, yet. The precaution question might be better for the ladies on the PGAL board. As for the fear, I suppose it is always there in the back of your mind. When you get to the point that your willingness to try again out weighs your fear of another loss then you are probably ready to try again. There is no clock that says you have to start trying again at any particular point. You have to let go of "what if" and "could of, would of, should of" because it probably wouldn't have made any difference in reality. We would all like to be in complete control of the situation, but we are not. Things will take the course they are going to take whether you put yourself in a bubble or not. So do the things your doctor recommends, but don't let the fear dictate your life because unfortunately it is more or less out of your hands.

sunflwra · June 2014

Welcome and I'm sorry for your loss. I think everyone here can share in the fear of TTCAL and I don't think you can really "get over it" but you hopefully get to a place where the want outweighs the fear and you understand that the fear is not going to go away, you just find what works for you to try to manage it. For me, it was information- I tried to learn as much as I could about my specific situation. As for precautions, etc- that would really be dependent on your situation. Do you have any diagnosis or answers for the cause of your miscarriage? Some miscarriages are due to circumstances that are random (chromosomal abnormalities, etc) and not likely to occur again and others can be due to issues that require treatment while TTC and/or during pregnancy. If you don't have any answers on your miscarriage, I'd recommend talking with your OB about TTC again and see what they recommend. Good luck.

mflowers929 · June 2014

I second what sunflwra said about information. I'm an information hound, and I like to know exactly what is happening, what could happen, what the chances of it happening are. All told, from the time I was told to expect a miscarriage until I was comfortable with what was happening, it was probably 30 hours of googling. But, to me at least, there's nothing more comforting than knowing "okay, this is normal for what I'm going through."
As for your fear, the most important thing is that you are comfortable. Unless you have a reason to try again right away (like AMA), there's no shame in waiting until you feel ready.

[Deleted User] · June 2014

I absolutely agree with what PP said. The fear is always there, but you can't let it control you. I was/am the same the same as @sunflwra‌ information makes me feel empowered, which curbs the fear. Do I know everything, no. Would knowing everything prevent a possible future m/c, no. Would it have prevented my previous m/c, no. But, for me (not speaking for everyone) even just knowing it wasn't anything I could've changed helped. I'm sorry for your loss. Welcome to the board and good luck moving forward in your TTC journey!

heathersf11 · June 2014

I'm sorry for your loss. You'll know when you are ready to try again. Until then I hope you find comfort here. (((Hugs)))

Km380 · June 2014

I'm sorry for your loss. I think it's natural to be scared. Only you will know when the desire to try again outweighs that fear. Take the time you need. For me, therapy helped, the wonderful women here have helped immensely. There is no set time line for when you should start once your doc has cleared you, when you and your SO are both ready, you'll know. And you can always take a break if you need it. Welcome to the board, I hope you find support here

BackstreetPixie · June 2014

I think everyone has said what I would have said. I just want to say I'm sorry for your loss and ::HUGS:: It took me 3 months to feel ready again, and then I had other medical issues crop up that benched me longer. Like others have said only you know when you are ready and the desire to have a baby out weighs the fear...

MSU_Girl1202 · June 2014

I think it's completely normal to be scared to TTC again. When I first joined the board, I asked a similar question, and something that has stuck with me was to TTC when the want for a baby and to be pregnant outweighs the fear of having another MC. Let your body and mind heal, and when you're really ready, you'll feel it. ((Hugs))

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