RANT- Trouble TTC age discrimination

meld42 · June 2014

This may be because I'm really having to focus on trying to enjoy our time benched before IVF and am extra sensitive.. but I can't help but want to strangle my friends and loved ones. They mean well, but the fact that DH and I are in our 20s makes them think that we're just being dramatic about our infertility. One of my friends was asking me about our progress with getting pregnant, and I filled her in. She goes, "well, after all, it's only been one year!" ... Yeah, I have cancer and need a hysterectomy.. so, one year is a big deal! This journey really emphasized the fact that you can't assume anything about anyone.

I hope no one else has to deal with stupid comments today!

lebradford · June 2014

People are dumb. They don't understand infertility at all, but they definitely don't understand infertility that doesn't look the way the expect it too. I've heard, "but you've only been married a year," a couple of times. It's like, "awesome, but that doesn't help me ovulate (so go fuck yourself)." I'm sorry you're dealing with insensitive people.

BunnyBerry · June 2014

I'm so sorry, what an insensitive comment to make! Do those friends know about the cancer diagnosis and the time crunch? If so, perhaps you will feel comfortable putting them in their place. But if this is not something you've been sharing...I'm so so sorry you have to listen to those comments, and yes, it truly is a lesson not to jump to conclusions about anyone's IF journey.

nswain85 · June 2014

I am so so sorry to hear this...

Regardless of age, or any other factor, it is no ones business on when you start a family. I wish you all the best and hope the IVF is a success for you! (((HUGS!!!)))

ashtownyeah · June 2014

Ugh. I think most people mean well when they say some of these things, but it doesn't make them suck any less. I'm sorry!

Have you shared the background with them? I would hope any friend would be supportive of your current situation.

As for "age discrimination" ... my RE said something like, "I have egg donors your age!" Umm, thanks?

emmuffy · June 2014

That really sucks. IF can strike at all ages and it is always hard.

Sha259 · June 2014

(((HUGS))) I'm so sorry that you're going through so much, and getting that response from people who should know better. Unfortunately, ignorance breeds insensitivity. They know not what they do. Maybe eventually you can use this as a teaching experience to them.

CarSaidYes · June 2014

OUCH! Sorry and many hugs. Maybe next time you should ask her to put herself in your situation and see the scary side of it all. People don't use their friggin common sense bone when talking about IF....If you haven't been here you don't understand!

catlover790 · June 2014

I'm so sorry you had to deal with that! People are very insensitive!

I've gotten a lot of comments from "friends" and I think the age thing is a big one. People think since we are "young" that we aren't trying yet, or the "stop worrying about it" one. Or that we have lots of time to have kids. Very frustrating! I'm sorry! I don't know why people feel they can talk about something so personal like TTC!

cupcake122 · June 2014

People can be so insensitive! If one more person tells me I'm still young and I should just "stop stressing and it will happen" I will scream! Sorry you had to go thru this

erollis · June 2014

That's horribly insensitive. ((Hugs))

meld42 · June 2014

I am so sorry, I didn't think I was posting and running earlier-- but I did! As for sharing my diagnosis, I have shared what's going on, but it's so weird because I don't think people get the severity of it. Almost like, because my doctors think it's ok to take some time to TTC, it's not a big deal and I can just get a hysterectomy whenever it suits me.

But, THIS is why I love the bump so much

Everyone here, especially this board, just gets what's it's like. Thanks for all the support ladies, and I am so sorry any of us have to deal with ignorant comments! It really is true though, I try to use my situation as a way to spread knowledge about IF, but sometimes I'm just left speechless at people!

meld42 · June 2014

iPutKetchupOnKetchup said:

Boo at the douchecanoes opening their mouths with uneducated comments in an effort to "make you feel better". All the wine in the world coming your way - except the glass that I just poured for myself, but in my defense the glass is in your honor, so..

I'm glad you are having wine! I finished off my wine stash last night.. I've been trying to slowly build a collection.. it's not working. I buy a bottle, I drink a bottle..

meld42 · June 2014

iPutKetchupOnKetchup said:

I buy by the box. Super classy over here in the Ketchup household \:D/ Edited for spelling.

I think I might need to start doing that! Much easier to get my wine on!

Sigh202 · June 2014

Hugs

siempre595 · June 2014

I'm almost 34 and for a long time thought "i'm still young, plenty of time." Guess what? I'm not so young anymore. In a blink, that time is gone and now it feels wasted. Ignore these people, they simply do not understand.

mrskovarik · June 2014

I'm so sorry you have to deal with that! I can totally relate to the age discrimination thing. I am so tired of people telling me "oh you're young, you have plenty of time" i may slap the next person that says something like that to me

eskimozie · June 2014

People are ridiculous... And at some magical point you cross that line and then people will stop telling you that there is plenty of time and start reminding you that the click is ticking... I should start carrying an egg timer around so I can throw it at the next idiot who makes a comment!

SweetieShellieH · June 2014

I hear the age thing all the time. Because I'm 28 (29 in 2 months from today) ppl say I shouldn't be soo worried because I'm still "young". Soo, 3 years TTC and a confirmed Dx of MFI doesn't matter apparently! Even our RE is a little, because the only reason DH is trying the Arimidex is because the RE said "You're still young, and time is on our side - for now" He said if I was any older, we'd never try the meds and just have gone right to IVF.