My 18 month old throws tantrums all the time. I am unable to sit through a church service, eat at at restaurant or go anywhere without him acting awful. I have taken him to the doctor several times, they say he is fine. He has an allergist appointment coming up in a few months. Saturday we had a church dinner, he proceeded to knock over a cooler, not only once but twice. I am at my wits end. My mother keeps him and I can tell it is taking a toll on her. This morning when my sister dropped her son off, my son proceeded to break a glass fruit figurine. He doesn't cry when spanked and he does whatever you tell him not to or get on to him for doing. When you take him outside, he runs constantly. I NEED HELP! Is this normal behavior? Should he go back to the dr? Any input would be appreciated.
Re: 18 mo old behaviour help
Distract and redirect. Make sure you save 'no' for satey issues (running onto a street or touchign a hot stove) if you say it for everything they tune you out quickly. Hands down, gentle hands, quiet voice, walking feet are all cues for your child that tell them what you DO want to see not what you DON'T want to see.
Toddlers quickly get into a power struggle and quickly get into a run of poor behavior when they don't know what to do and are not receiving clear, meaningful cues from their parent.
Set your child up for success. This may mean doing a major baby proofing so he can't touch anything you don't want him to touch. Go to noisy, busy pubs for dinner not fancy quiet restaurants. Step back ,figure out what changes need to be made so he is consistently receiving praise from you and his other caregivers then slowly reintroduce him to scenerios where he needs to learn to 'behave'.
I'm not one for going crazy and making the house completely babyproof...we don't have a gate at the bottom of our stair case (only the top) we have decorative display items out but we have trained our daughter to respect these things. We go to fancy restaurants, when she is in the right mood. We did it through training with gentle praise, redirection and distraction. If she was not able to handle all this we would go further and baby proof more and go to more child friendly pubs.
It sounds like you need to make many changes so you are not giving him constant signals that he is 'bad'.
My 15 month old tests me ALL THE TIME. She knows what is expected for the most part but wants to see if i will react. She knows she is not to touch the bins we store shoes and hats etc in. She goes to it daily and looks at me with that goofy smile as she slowly reaches out to touch it. All I have to do is raise my eye brows at her and she giggles and runs off. Sometimes I have to say hands down, sometime I have to go pick her up and move her to the toy bins she is allowed to empty. She doesn't hear no, she doesn't get in trouble and she doesn't get smacked. It is totally expected that she will keep trying. The bins are right there at her level and are tons of fun to empty. We choose to keep them there and to continuously remind her they are off limits. We do this because it is beneficial to her to learn the limits and rules. It takes a TON of patience though.
Step back and see what YOU need to change in regards to your own actions. Get out of the negative discipline run you are in and flip it so you are giving tons of praise and encouragement.
One thing you may want to try that helped enormously for us is being very clear about things. I started telling her what exactly what was going to happen and when. Now she doesn't have tantrums when we leave places, etc. I mean, really, the tantrums do continue in other areas. Just a few minutes ago I took her down from her seat and brought her into the playroom with her brother and she just LOST it! Why? She wouldn't tell me. Eventually I grabbed her hand and brought her into the kitchen to see what she wanted and even though she could have easily asked me for her cup, she was too hysterical and pointed.
This is a very tough age! Children have emotions that are all over the place and wants that they just can't convey sometimes. Setting more boundaries and being very clear with her has helped a lot.
Last week we took her to a restaurant and well, we learned that we won't do that again for a long while.
Also, guys, I am not an advocate for spanking, but I am pretty sure OP gets it now.
Freshie Girl 9.29.12
"no" gets tuned out but somehow "walk away" or "find the teddy bear" gets him into the right state of mind and he's suddenly happy again. As soon as I forget and become frustrated with his behavior, he does the same thing and throws a fit.
Make sure your LO is getting enough sleep, love, positive words (like saying "oh you're such a good boy! Thank you!"), make sure breakable items are out of reach.
I would never expect my toddler to sit during church. The nursery is a given. I wouldn't even entertain the idea of trying to have her sit, it's asking for trouble.
Also, find a new child care.
Stop spanking/smacking/hitting at all. Don't do it! I don't care if every single person you have ever met does it, just don't!
Read some development books.
He still cries/whines and has little meltdowns in public, but they don't last nearly as long now. We take him aside, acknowledge his feelings and let him cry for a bit, then usually he is ok.
We do exactly the same thing at home.
He sounds very, very normal!
Toddlers are innately wild and crazy, some even more so than others.
I trust you are doing what you feel is best, and I would urge you to take the heart of what PP's have said and not let the negative comments about spanking get to you. Of course, spanking is not the most effective form of discipline, especially for a 1.5 year old.
I want to say that I am also really struggling with my daughter at 18 months old. Somehow, seemingly overnight, my sweet baby has turned into this headstrong and feisty little child and I'm still reeling over how exactly it happened (it's totally normal, btw!). She test my boundaries and patience daily and I've yet to figure out exactly how to predict her, but that is par for the course with a toddler.
Things that I've found that are helpful are: making sure she gets plenty of play and exercise. Sure, she throws giant fits when I strap her into the car seat or stroller when we pack up to leave the park or play activity, but she naps great if I've taken the opportunity to go out in the morning (we do the zoo, long walks or the park as often as we can). I also try really hard to just ignore her, but honestly, I have a really difficult time with that. I've also noticed that if LO is acting particularly difficult, I've probably been more distracted than usual. If that is the case, I try to stop what I am doing and get down and actively play with her. I'll pull out her blocks and build with her, or start a game of chase. Sometimes I'll even do something as simple as going outside together to check the mail and allowing her to look at every leaf and crack in the cement along the way. So many days I'm busy and rushed, and I find that those days affect her more than I anticipate, so getting back to basics and focusing my attention all on her help tremondusly.
FWIW, you are not alone and this season is a hard one. Hang in there and keep doing the great job you are doing!
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