NNBR: "Oh so you're trying for a boy..." Vent

KateLouise · April 2014

This has nothing to do with natural birth, just me having a whinge.

We have two girls, they are absolutely gorgeous. We are currently pregnant with #3 (no one knows, but a few people know we've been TTC)

It just really grates on my nerves when people say, "oh so you're trying for a boy." (mostly my MIL) Ummm? No. We're trying for a baby.

Then whether this baby is a boy or a girl, I'm anticipating, "oh another girl...never mind" type comments or, "Oh it's a boy, you must be so pleased."

Why do people assume you must be desperate for whatever gender you don't have? Why does it matter to people?

I know this is a silly vent, it just irritates me.

SidraJedi · April 2014

I concur and agree.

aylafsu88 · April 2014

I agree. I think people forget that all of us just want a healthy, happy baby, regardless if it is a boy or a girl.

Valancyy · April 2014

Same here, except the opposite. We already have 2 boys and I'm pregnant with our third. We already had our anatomy scan, and we're not finding out the sex until birth.

I got my first "hoping for a girl?" comment when I bought a pregnancy test at Target, from the cashier (since I had my boys with me).

I'm not going to be disappointed if it's a boy, sex is a 50/50 shot, and if we didn't want another CHILD, regardless of sex, we wouldn't have tried to get pregnant again.

wifeofadam · April 2014

I got that when I was pregnant with #3. And then we actually did have a girl everyone was like, "Yay! So you can be done now, right? You have both sexes." As if we were only having a third to have a girl and so there was no reason to ever have any more children.

Now we get comments about how "perfect" and "balanced" the family is with two and two. People tell us that we shouldn't have more and "mess it up". Grrrrr.

nursekatie47 · April 2014

I have the opposite problem. Most people ask me why I could possible want a third when I already have one of each. Maybe because I want a third healthy child because I feel my family isn't complete. I don't care what we have and I would be completely happy with a mix or 3 of the same sex. Having healthy children is all I care about!

MommyAtty · April 2014

So funny to me. We have a girl. We are having a boy. Everyone was very much like "oh, your husband must be so excited!" Yes, he is, but he was actually hoping for another girl. In fact, when DD was 4 mos old, DH informed me he thought she needed a sister.

On the other hand, my brother has 6 boys and was trying from #2 on for a girl. I just want healthy, happy babies who sleep well and eat well.

sschwege · April 2014

Oh my goodness congratulations!!!!!! I guess I missed that!

I know how you feel, but kind of in the opposite way as pp have said. I have a girl and a boy and have actually had people say, "Now you can be done!" or "That's perfect, stop there!" Um, not that our family planning is anyone's business, but we have always wanted 3, their sex had no bearing on how many we plan to have.

My SIL has two sons and another son on the way. She actually had one person say, "I'm sorry". Wtf is wrong with people? Seriously!

Eve_Angelique · April 2014

I will never understand that either. Our first is a boy so when we announced that we were pg again I got lots of comments that were like "Oh I bet you're hoping for a girl!" Which nope...I was hoping for a boy really so I could re-use all the things! But alas we did find out we are having a girl, which is exciting and terrifying, what do I do with a girl?? I am happy don't get me wrong, but now people are saying "Oh good, now you're done!".....also nope, just because I have a girl and a boy does not in any way mean that I am ready to be done building our family.

redrockmama · April 2014

This would make me so mad. My parents had three girls and when my mom was pregnant with my sister people made similar comments. They didn't know if she was a boy or girl until she was born. After she was born people were constantly telling my dad how disappointed he must be to not have a boy and asking if they would keep trying for a boy. It really upset him. People are just weird.

realmissjess · April 2014

Valancyy said:
I'm not going to be disappointed if it's a boy, sex is a 50/50 shot, and if we didn't want another CHILD, regardless of sex, we wouldn't have tried to get pregnant again.

Perfectly said!

Why do people feel the need to make those comments?

wintersong139 · April 2014

Do you think that a lot of the time people are searching for something to say, trying to make small talk? It just seems like such a pointless comment anyway.

wintersong139 · April 2014

BTW, what does NNBR mean?

KateLouise · April 2014

NNBR = Non Natural Birth Related.

People use N...(abbreviation for whatever board)...R a lot when their post is off topic.

wintersong139 · April 2014

That explains a lot, lol...I was puzzling over some threads on the TTGP board, too!

darkangel42 · April 2014

My Ma got this when she had #3. I'm a girl, my sister's a girl then (after a couple of years being asked when she would start trying for a boy) #3 was a surprise (and a boy).

She doesn't like when people say things like that since it's rude and inappropriate but she's quick enough to completely dismantle these people humorously with a totally straight face. Obviously, she's joking and loves us all. I was 13 at the time and still remember the looks on people's faces!

Q: Are you hoping for a little boy then?

Ma: Are you kidding? If this one's a girl, I'm half way to a netball team!

Q: What if it's another girl though?

Ma: Then it'll grow up amazing because I'm a girl-raising guru, obviously.

Q: What are you hoping for this time? A boy?

Ma: I was hoping for a baby, what else would be in there??

When she knew my brother was a boy, it continued.

Q: I bet you're thrilled to be having a boy after those girls!

Ma: Absolutely. I can finally make the other 2 move out now, muahahaha

Q: Ohh, you must be so happy your family is complete now!

Ma: My family was complete 3 kids ago. I was fine with just the dog.

Q: What does your husband think about finally getting a son?

Ma: He didn't even want the dog.

There's a big age gap, so she also gets comments out with the younger 2 about how she has the perfect balanced family. She likes to nod and agree that 2 girls 1 boy is the perfect balance.

sschwege · April 2014

darkangel42 said:

My Ma got this when she had #3. I'm a girl, my sister's a girl then (after a couple of years being asked when she would start trying for a boy) #3 was a surprise (and a boy).

She doesn't like when people say things like that since it's rude and inappropriate but she's quick enough to completely dismantle these people humorously with a totally straight face. Obviously, she's joking and loves us all. I was 13 at the time and still remember the looks on people's faces!

Q: Are you hoping for a little boy then?
Ma: Are you kidding? If this one's a girl, I'm half way to a netball team!

Q: What if it's another girl though?
Ma: Then it'll grow up amazing because I'm a girl-raising guru, obviously.

Q: What are you hoping for this time? A boy?
Ma: I was hoping for a baby, what else would be in there??

When she knew my brother was a boy, it continued.

Q: I bet you're thrilled to be having a boy after those girls!
Ma: Absolutely. I can finally make the other 2 move out now, muahahaha

Q: Ohh, you must be so happy your family is complete now!
Ma: My family was complete 3 kids ago. I was fine with just the dog.

Q: What does your husband think about finally getting a son?
Ma: He didn't even want the dog.

There's a big age gap, so she also gets comments out with the younger 2 about how she has the perfect balanced family. She likes to nod and agree that 2 girls 1 boy is the perfect balance.

Your mom is awesome, that's all I have to say!

L0L0 · April 2014

We've been told by countless people that we are lucky to be done now, with one of each. If I am feeling argumentative, I point out how much I loved having a sister and my husband enjoyed having a brother, as my kids don't have a same-sex sibling. I guess if we ever do have a third, people will assume it was an accident.

Chloenme · May 2014

I agree and still don't understand! I just want a healthy child and I am one of those that thinks that the pair is really in the same sex!!! Not having to be divided like crazy on both sides!

mlrafiki · May 2014

This is annoying. Whatever happened to "Congratulations!" and leave it at that? Manners, man. It's a dying art.

MandMLeona · May 2014

Yep. The type of discussion actually broke out during a team meeting at work when one of the men announced his second child would be another boy. They spent 10 minutes at least on condolences to his wife and how he could swap with me as I have 2 girls. They didn't know I was pregnant yet, let alone that it was a third girl. I eventually had to shout that it was time to shut up on that topic!

jinnymb · May 2014

ummm yeah, lol That is why we don't plan on telling anyone we are even pregnant this time as long as possible, ideally til we know what the baby is (not sure my body is going to play along, lol). I seriously don't want to hear it and obviously don't care if we have a 4th boy, or we wouldn't get pregnant...

stever · June 2014

I didn't know you were KU again. Congrats!

We're not TTC again - we're done - but we still get people asking, "so when are you having that girl?"

Lame.

KateLouise · June 2014

Hi Stever,

we're no longer pregnant. Miscarried at 12 weeks (baby had stopped progressing at 9 weeks)

It was traumatic at the time, haemorrhaged badly, and was rushed into emergency surgery. So now, as sad as we are about the loss, am grateful to still be alive, and am focusing on egtting healthy before pursing TTC again.

Before TTC we'd had the, "so you'll have to try for a boy" comments too. people are dumb.

KittyMisha · June 2014

I am pregnant with my second girl, and this will be it for us. I haven't gotten too many comments, but my FIL will not stop bugging me about going for a boy to "carry on his name". He mentions it literally every time I see him. It is making me crazy. Last time I told him he could go ahead and get pregnant and try for a boy if it was so important to him.

francined01 · June 2014

I have 3 boys and would always get the "you must be so disappointed" ????? how could I possible be disappointed? I have the 3 most loving boys in the world. Now I am 35 weeks pregnant with a girl and its all "you must be so thrilled...you getting your little girl at last".

I am so sick of it! How can people be so stupid??

HippieMommaX2 · June 2014

I HATE that so much. We have 2 girls, pregnant with number three(only 8 weeks so no gender yet). I've already gotten the, "omg what is your husband going to do with another girl? I bet he's paying for a boy!" I told my nosey aunt that I guess he'll just leave me if it's another girl, or chop off my head. Because it's crazy to think that a man could love his children unless they have a penis.

monkeysip · June 2014

No matter how many kids you do/don't have, or their genders, people always have something to say.

Hopeful1029 · June 2014

Trust me! I'm new to this board (lurking from PAIF previously of 3T). DH and I are finally pregnant after 3 years of emotional and physical struggle. It pisses me off to no end when I get the "so did you want a girl or a boy first?" We wanted to get pregnant, you assholes! People are immensely rude. Not to mention all the bullshit I get about "you're getting drugs, right?" No. "No, seriously, you're getting drugs, right?" Look asshole, did I not speak clearly?? Question asked and answered - now back off! Lol whoops.....guess I needed to vent too

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