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November 2013 Moms
megswen
member
Who is doing the Ferber method?
megswen
member
Franz is starting to refuse naps and break out of his swaddle, and I started trying the Ferber method today. I feel like a huge jerk listening to him scream, even though I do go in and calm him down every minute or two. It breaks my heart and makes me feel like a horrible mom.
But on the other hand, his sleeping is and always has been crap, and I feel like I've gotten to the point where I either need consistent sleep at night (I haven't had more than 5 consecutive hours of sleep since he was born, and it's usually more like 2 or 3 on average) or I'm going to do something I regret. I really resent him occasionally, and I've noticed it only happens when I'm exhausted and he's refusing sleep. I'm scaring the crap out of myself.
Additionally, I feel like I'd be more excited about being with him all day if I was well rested and had energy.
That's why I decided to start the Ferber method. It's worked so far; he's put himself to sleep twice now, but only after an hour or so of crying (with me going in every few minutes to calm him down). Like I said, it makes me feel like crap. I cried to my husband tonight about it. I feel like I'm letting F down by ignoring him like that.
So tell me. Who's doing the Ferber method? How is it going, and how do you deal with it? Can you tell me I'm not totally ruining my kid? I've read the dangers of crying it out, and it makes me nervous, even though this isn't exactly full-on crying it out. Advice, please!
But on the other hand, his sleeping is and always has been crap, and I feel like I've gotten to the point where I either need consistent sleep at night (I haven't had more than 5 consecutive hours of sleep since he was born, and it's usually more like 2 or 3 on average) or I'm going to do something I regret. I really resent him occasionally, and I've noticed it only happens when I'm exhausted and he's refusing sleep. I'm scaring the crap out of myself.
Additionally, I feel like I'd be more excited about being with him all day if I was well rested and had energy.
That's why I decided to start the Ferber method. It's worked so far; he's put himself to sleep twice now, but only after an hour or so of crying (with me going in every few minutes to calm him down). Like I said, it makes me feel like crap. I cried to my husband tonight about it. I feel like I'm letting F down by ignoring him like that.
So tell me. Who's doing the Ferber method? How is it going, and how do you deal with it? Can you tell me I'm not totally ruining my kid? I've read the dangers of crying it out, and it makes me nervous, even though this isn't exactly full-on crying it out. Advice, please!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Who is doing the Ferber method?
After our discussion and some reading/research we decided to give it a try. So, we spent a few nights with her fussing but then it seemed to click. We have had a few bad nights where I did go up and try to burp her or end up picking her up, but we've only had to do that a handful of times in the two months that she's been falling asleep on her own.
She was definitely a no-napper, and that has gotten so much better. Her ped advised that when her sleeping at night got better her napping would. Napping took a good month or so to improve. But, we've gone from one or two cat naps sleeping on someone to 2 naps in the crib that last an 1-2 hours.
This method worked for us, but I know it isn't for everyone. My peditrician and I had a very long conversation, and after our discussion this is what we decided to try. She made us feel very comfortable and I was confident that we should at least give it a try. I would recommend doing some reading and trying out whatever you decide to. Give it time, it certainly doesn't happen
over night (no pun intended). This is just my experience, obviously every baby is different. What worked for us may not work for you. Good luck with whatever you decide to try! Sorry this turned into a novel! I just wanted to share what we tried!
Edited: forgot words
What does "I'm going to do something I regret" mean?? Did that not show up as a red flag for anyone else??
#LOLFITMAMA
That wasn't advice sorry- just my input.
Sleep Sense is basically The Sleep Lady Shuffle. It's assisted CIO, you stay in the room with the baby while they fuss and cry and periodically soothe them by speaking to them. You put your chair right next to the crib for the first 5 nights, I think. You continue this process and move your chair further away each handful if nights until you reach a point where just speaking to them from the doorway is enough to calm them.
I talked to a sleep consultant also, and that's the method they use. We haven't done it and I doubt if we will. If you feel you can afford $250-$500 for their services I would do that, because I would feel better about having someone coach me through it.
If you don't want to spend that, you can pick up the Sleep Lady Shuffle book for $10-$15.
What does "I'm going to do something I regret" mean?? Did that not show up as a red flag for anyone else??
This is why I started the Ferber method. I figured it was better to let him cry than to let my exhaustion get to me. So I leave the room and let him cry until I feel bad for him. That break allows me to cool down and take a breather, and when I go into his room the next time, I'm more calm and loving.
But I hate that I have to let him cry.
If you are going to try something like Ferber, it is probably a good idea to read the book, if you haven't yet, to understand how it works. Ferber does not advocate just leaving a baby to cry until you can't listen anymore - there are steps and outlined intervals at which you are supposed to return to comfort baby. I haven't read the book, but I have looked into it.
The no cry sleep solution was helpful for us. It helped G not need rocked back to sleep so often at night.
I cannot stress enough how important it is to take care of yourself too through this - feelings of resentment like you described can be a sign of PPA or PPD and it is absolutely worth it to talk to someone.
1. You are teaching your child a very important tool by allowing them to learn how to fall asleep on their own. Children with good sleep habits have better temperaments and learn things more easily. You are doing what's best for him.
2. He will not be traumatized. My husband and I were both sleep trained with CIO techniques and we are happy adults with great relationships with our parents. S is actually happier now because he is getting the sleep he needs!
Just stay consistent and know that it will get better and you are not doing anything wrong or negligent. He's not crying because he's mad at you or in pain or anything like that. He's just tired and learning how to deal with it himself. It will get better soon and you will feel so much better! And wine. I recommend wine.
Your LO is going to have so many sleep changes in the coming years as well as developmental milestones that will push all of your buttons and exhaust you. This will not be the last time that you are mentally and physically exhausted by parenthood. I would strongly suggest talking with someone to see if you can get some coping mechanisms in place now that will help you through all of this.
I hope that whatever method you decide to use, that it works for your family and I hope that you consider all the suggestions to talk to someone. Good luck!