Babyshower sister drama rant. Sorry, it's long.

Virginialeigh · June 2014

So my I text my sister a few weeks ago and asked her if July 12th or 26th would be best for her for the shower. She text back that she was thinking September. I told her I would rather do it earlier so I had time to organize and shop for the things I didn't get and so I won't be miserably pregnant. I got no response.
She went on vacation and when she got back she called me to tell me about it. At the end of the conversation I said "So how about the last weekend in July for the shower?". "I don't see why you won't do it closer to your due date.". Once again I tell her about the organization and being able to enjoy myself without being ready to pop. "Well, I don't want to do that!"
Now I know this is getting long, but I need to pause for a little back story. Back in September she got married, and insisted that I throw her a shower and a bachelorette party. One on Saturday the other on Sunday, and both on the weekend I moved from Indiana to Kentucky. So not only did I have to deal with the stress and expense of moving to another state (without a job), I had the added stress and expense of giving her everything she wanted.
I reminded her of this by saying "Well I didn't want to throw you a shower on the weekend I moved but I did." Her response? "Your phone is breaking up and I don't wanna talk about this anymore." Then she hung up. I haven't heard from her since.
At first I thought I would just do it myself but I don't really want to. And you can't ask someone to throw you a shower, so what do I do? Sorry this is so long.

Emerald27 · June 2014

You can't throw yourself a shower. And you can't ask someone to throw if for you.

I would either offer some middle ground - if not July and not September, how about August? If she says no, then I would thank her for the offer to throw a shower, and tell her you're really disappointed that it just can't happen.

Not everyone has a shower. It stinks, but it doesn't make preparing for baby impossible. ((Hugs)) I know this is super frustrating.

MrsTinMKE · June 2014

I just went through the same thing with my mother. She wanted to have the shower middle of September and I am due October 8th. My 2 year anniversary is also that weekend and DH and I want one last anniversary together before kids come. I had to tell her over and over again that I wasn't comfortable waiting that long and that I really wanted to do it in August so I had time... She wasn't listening. Eventually she caved and said we could make August work. Now it is other stuff she is being unreasonable about but....

I think all you can do is let her calm down and tell her your concerns again. Tell her you are worried about the baby coming early and not being prepared etc... that you really appreciate her doing this,but you would like her to consider your feelings on this. Also try for August if that works for you?

JessAnnJ · June 2014

It sounds like your sister is immature. When I planned a shower for my sister I asked her what her preferences were and did it. It sucks that you sister seems to be making this about her. Have you asked her why July is a problem? Can you reach out to a parent or other family member and just mention that she is being weird about the shower? Is there anyone else that has offered to plan the shower?

lct2008 · June 2014

Well seeing as a shower is a gift from your sister you can let her know what you prefer and them just drop it and let her throw it when she wants, or you can pass on having a shower. And no you definitely can't plan your own shower. Although last time I was having an October baby I much preferred my august shower( even over the July one) I also had one in September and was very greatful. Lots of people have showers closer to when they are due and it's really not that big of a deal.

lisamahrt · June 2014

I really hope everything works out! Sisters can be difficult. If it doesn't happen, A big thing people are doing now is instead of a shower, you could throw a welcome baby X party so the people you would invite to the shower and their spouses could come bring a gift and meet the baby. This way you can enjoy a drink with them as well

But I do really hope it all works out and you get the shower you want!

golfingdarwinfish · June 2014

You can't throw yourself a shower. You also can't force someone who is kindly throwing a party in your honor to do it exactly your way. That sounds odd, but it's true when the event itself is a gift.

I would suggest trying to find a compromise in August. At least that's middle ground and would still give you time to shop and organise.

I'm due oct 23 and my shower is Sept 7. Anything we NEED to have if the baby were to arrive early we can buy ourselves, and if I was incredibly worried about the shower being too close to my EDD I would do just that. If your shower ends up being in Sept and you're incredibly worried about not having certain items, you may want to consider a similar approach. It's possible to provide the essential items for LO sans shower; lots of mothers do it.

MorganWP · June 2014

I agree with PPs on a) not throwing your own shower but maybe trying to compromise an August date. With DD, my shower was supposed to be when I was 34 weeks but due to being put on bedrest it had to be postponed which leads me to b) if you cant make it work with your sister, just say thanks but no thanks and have a 'Meet the Baby' party when LO is born instead. We did it for DD and we're going to do it again for DS, honestly I think its better this way. I'd much rather people fawn over my baby than my big pregnant self. Also it allows for them to come, visit and get their baby fix all at once rather than popping by whenever (which seems to be a thing for SO's family, honestly I swear most of them don't know what it means to 'call ahead').

WiFiMom2be · June 2014

My shower will be in Sept, just one month before my due date. I'm not thrilled about the timing for the same reasons you mentioned. My mom picked the date, and I agreed to it at the time. I wish I had spoken up then, but it's too late to change now since my aunts are hosting and I would feel rude asking them to have it earlier. I told my mom and sisters that I am stressed about the timing and they made me feel better - they offered to help me finish setting up the nursery after the shower. And my mom generously bought my car seat and bassinet, which were 2 items I was worried about in case baby comes early. Anything else I'm worried about, I'll buy myself ahead of time.

I'm sorry that your sister is being difficult, but I think a late shower is probably better than no shower. Since she is hosting, I don't think there's much more that you can do. Good luck!

MrsL2B · June 2014

I'm sorry. I hate that there's so much drama around baby showers. I hope she comes around and works something out with you.

IrishHoney123 · June 2014

I think the month before is kind of a common time to have a shower-your friends and family prefer seeing you about to pop! My showers were all in the weeks before I delivered, and yes, I was uncomfortable, and yes it was tiring. But as PP's stated, a shower is a gift given on the terms of the giver. Good luck!

MrsMac613 · June 2014

My shower is also a month before my DD. I'm not thrilled about it but that's when our hosts wanted to have it. In the meantime we are making sure we will be able to buy the essentials that we don't receive immediately after the shower and DH has promised to put everything together as soon as possible. That was nice of you to accommodate your sister for her bridal and bachelorette party but unfortunately you can't force her to do the same. I hope you work everything out.

AmandaJean12 · June 2014

My family originally wanted September... And I just wasn't comfortable driving 5+ hours that late in my pregnancy. I thanked them and said I'd have to pass, because it was really just too late for me to travel and not worry. That they understood, so they moved it to August.

But you have to be ready to just say thanks but no thanks. It stinks but I agree with PP, a shower is a gift not a right.

bumpuser10309732 · June 2014

Like PP's have said a shower is a gift. All you can do is make a suggestion and either turn it down, or suck it up. My SIL wanted to throw my shower mid Sept and I'm due October 7th. Since I have to drive to them, which is 3 and a half hours I told her if she picked that date that I would have to decline because that's too much for me and it made me really uncomfortable to get 5 hours away from my doctor that close to my EDD. So she changed it. Carrying around your irritation doesn't help either of you. It sucks that you have to fight with your sister over something that in the grand scheme of things seems really silly. I hope you guys work it out!

cozybluebear · June 2014

Maybe they are trying to make it a surprise for you and it actually is in July... she's just frustrating you to throw you off. I agree with wanting an earlier shower for the same reasons. My shower was before 30 weeks with my son and I'm sure glad it was. We had truck loads of stuff to organize! To be honest though, it's not your decision and you kind of sound ungrateful. Just be happy they are planning a shower for you... don't interfere or make it miserable for them.

Virginialeigh · June 2014

JessAnnJ said:
It sounds like your sister is immature. When I planned a shower for my sister I asked her what her preferences were and did it. It sucks that you sister seems to be making this about her. Have you asked her why July is a problem? Can you reach out to a parent or other family member and just mention that she is being weird about the shower? Is there anyone else that has offered to plan the shower?

Everything has ALWAYS been all about her. She proved this by throwing me a surprise bachelorette party that had nothing to do with me and only inviting her friends. I get that a shower is a gift, but I just feel that for once, just this one thing, should be about me and my baby.

golfingdarwinfish · June 2014

Virginialeigh said:

It sounds like your sister is immature. When I planned a shower for my sister I asked her what her preferences were and did it. It sucks that you sister seems to be making this about her. Have you asked her why July is a problem? Can you reach out to a parent or other family member and just mention that she is being weird about the shower? Is there anyone else that has offered to plan the shower?
Everything has ALWAYS been all about her. She proved this by throwing me a surprise bachelorette party that had nothing to do with me and only inviting her friends. I get that a shower is a gift, but I just feel that for once, just this one thing, should be about me and my baby.

You're going to be "showered" with love, support and presents. I'm pretty sure that will be about you and your baby.

Your issues with your sister obviously go way deeper than just a shower or party. Will you be happy with any shower/party that she throws for you at this point? If not, and if your issues with her are that severe, you may want to say thanksnothanks to the shower, and work on your relationship instead.

sheluvs2travel · June 2014

My mom and sisters wanted to host the shower 4 weeks before my due date. I had to explain to them why that wasn't a good idea and that most women generally have their shower around 30 weeks. None of them are great planners, so I ended up calling a bunch of local venues to find out who had availability and then gently suggested a few places. Thankfully, they picked one of them and booked it. Good luck!

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