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October 2014 Moms
Firemanswife11
member
NBR: My MIL
Firemanswife11
member
So, VERY VERY VERY long story short, my mother-in-law is an alcoholic. She's been one for several years, in and out of rehab, crashed MULTIPLE vehicles, yadda yadda. She'd supposedly been clean for about 6 months but I just called her and she sounds drunk off her ass. Like can't even form words. I know she takes a lot of medication -- maybe she's taking it wrong (again) -- but she sounds DRUNK, not in a medicated stupor. All I know is that I am mad as hell.
I understand that alcoholism is a disease, just like cancer is a disease. I get that. I've been through so many "family classes" trying to understand why her brain tells her to drink. But I can't understand, for even a second, why she wouldn't want to stop. Or what makes her pick up another drink. It's not like [most] people with chronic illnesses don't at least TRY to help themselves, right? You have a heart disease, you TRY to keep it under control, etc. I'm working really hard to not be insensitive, but when she hasn't been there for any family events or milestones in the last three or four years because of being in rehab or drunk, it's hard to get past that.
The reason I'm so ticked about it now is that tomorrow is DH's birthday and I was attempting to throw him a little surprise party. We just had our gender reveal a few weeks ago, so I knew a lot of people wouldn't come, and that doesn't bother me one bit. But his family should at the very least be there. Family is always there. My own mother (a whole 'nother barrel of fun) isn't coming because she "doesn't like Chinese food," and called my grandparents and told them not to come either because "they probably wouldn't find anything to eat."
I'm just so over "family" in general right now, and I don't really know how to deal with it all. Sorry for whining.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: NBR: My MIL
Cut her out of your life. You have a fantasy of the person she could/should be. She is never going to be that person. All of her behaviors will spill over into your family and once your baby is here she will continue to act inappropriately.
I am sorry. I totally would come and eat Chinese food. I am a picky eater and I can always find something to eat wherever I go so that is just a very lame excuse not to attend the party and to call up others and tell them not to go is beyond rude.
Sorry about the MIL. I have no advice there. The only alcoholic I know has been sober for 20 years. That person won't even take a sip because they know it would be too much. I think they can to that on their own when they hit absolute rock bottom and started with AA religiously as well as becoming more active in church.
Sadly, there is nothing that anyone can say to her to help her until she wants it for herself. I hope that she makes that choice and is able to enjoy a full and productive life.
Big hugs. ANd no matter who shows up I am sure that your DH will love the surprise!
I'm sorry you are dealing with this. My dad is an alcoholic and I know what you're going through. For me, it was easiest to cut him out of my life. I didn't talk to him for 10 years, and now I exchange a few texts every couple of months to make sure he's okay. I went from being very angry and hating him, to pitying him. Because of his choices and his addiction, he's missed out on raising 4 wonderful kids.
It helps me that I live a thousand miles away from my family, but that was for a reason too. I won't include him in big family events and I'm not sure that he will ever meet his grandchildren. He knows this, and it hasn't encouraged him to change.
I don't know that you'll ever feel completely at peace with whatever decision you choose to make regarding your MIL's place in your family. Just know that you are making your choices based on what is right and healthy for your kids. Sending thoughts and prayers your way. I know it's tough, and I hope it gets better for you.
I have to be this way with her or else she runs right over me.
I'm sorry both of your families are being such jerks but I say you celebrate with your family (you, Dh and your LO).