Anyone Else Experiencing Anxiety?

elmindreda · June 2014

I was doing almost guiltily fine the first couple weeks after coming home from the hospital empty handed, but now my life is basically ruled by my anxiety. I think that it was initially caused by hormones when my period came back. I started having heart palpitations again, and they really freaked me out. Then I started having this weird pressure in my leg, then muscle twitches in the same leg. I'm pretty sure those pains were caused by anxiety, but the possibility of a blood clot just adds to the anxiety. The past couple days, the original pain and twitches have basically subsided, but now I have a pain behind my knee. I really want to be checked out by the doctor again just to make sure it's not a blood clot, but I feel kind of silly since I already went a couple weeks ago and he said I was fine.

I thought I would be ready to TTC again in the 4-6 month range, but now I'm not sure I'll even be ready in the 6-12 month range. Is anybody else going through similar things?

BoraBoraBaby · June 2014

First, I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my baby girl on June 9th. She was born 3 weeks ago today. I'm telling you this to give you an idea of how closely we seem to be in the timing of our losses.

Your pains all sound like your body rebalancing, IMO, but it could be anxiety. I have had some cramping in my legs but I think it's natural as your body works to replenish itself in nutrients.

Anxiety is my biggest issue too. I have moments of sadness that come and go, and vary in intensity. But the anxiety is constant. I can feel mine in my arms, almost like an electric current. Sometimes nothing is on my mind, other times I find myself worrying about losing more loved ones or never having a healthy baby.

You may be ready to TTC within your initial time frame. (It's okay though if you're not). But, it's easy to feel like it's been an eternity that you've been feeling so bad, and that you'll never come out of it. I would definitely recommend talking about it repeatedly. It helps to get through the anxiety. I've been in darkness before and you really will feel better. Promise. Just make sure you are talking about this everyday until you don't need to anymore. Big hugs!!

elmindreda · June 2014

Thanks for your support and sorry for your loss. I keep trying to tell myself to calm down and be rational, but I still feel like I need doctor validation every other day. I've almost made it to two months, and it seems like this has been going on forever!

Noethola · June 2014

If you think it is a clot, get it checked out. I will say though they won't do much for surface clots (same symptoms). They generally look for DVTs, or clots deep in the veins. There is nothing wrong with being too careful.

I am sorry you are facing so much anxiety. Perhaps talking with your dr can help? They may be able to give you resources (either medication, meditations, or other things) that may help.

SandyEggo5 · June 2014

I've been experiencing anxiety, but sort of in a different way. I get really anxious around people that I haven't been around since our loss. Which is mostly everybody. My neighbor came up behind me as I was getting out of the car the other day and when I turned around my heart sank and my stomach did flips in anticipation of her mentioning that I must've had the baby (thankfully she didn't).

It's like my life has been separated into "before loss" and "after loss" and I don't know how to interact with people from my "before loss" life.

I don't think you should feel silly about wanting to see a doctor again. If you think it will help, you should do it. I hope your pains ease and you feel better soon.

Maybe Joleisa · June 2014

SandyEggo5 said:

It's like my life has been separated into "before loss" and "after loss" and I don't know how to interact with people from my "before loss" life.

It has been 5 months since our loss and I still feel like this. Going back to work was extremely anxiety-provoking, but now that I'm in the routine I feel most "normal" at work. I struggle being around friends who I have not seen in a while. (Though the anxiety leading up to meeting-up is often worse than the actual outing itself.)

AshersMom11 · June 2014

It's like my life has been separated into "before loss" and "after loss" and I don't know how to interact with people from my "before loss" life.

I totally agree with this. Our lives are forever changed. I definitely have a lot of fear when it comes to TTCAL. Our loss was May 6th and we were told to wait 6 months. I go back and forth between feeling that I want to start trying immediately, and absolute fear of this happening again.

shandorfml2 · June 2014

Anxiety/overwhelm is totally normal. I'd have the clot thing checked though just to be sure nothing medical is going on. Plus, 3 weeks out from having a baby our bodies are still physically healing. (((hugs)) I am so sorry for your loss

LyndseyTS · June 2014

I too was "fine" for the first little while (in hindsight, I think it was due to shock and denial and/or numbness), but I definitely have anxiety issues now (different manifestations from yours, though). I don't do public places well at all without going int panic mode. I lost it yesterday when they took me back to the maternity ward to "recover" after my D&C (apparently they didn't have ANYwhere else to put me) which was the biggest one. I thought they were going to have to sedate me, but deep breathing helps. I've also been going to counselling weekly (now every other week) which has given me some strategies and helped me to get my head in the right place. As PPs have said, some of it could be your body rebalancing. It takes a long time to do that. Part of it just that things feel (and are, really) so different and everything seems to change post-loss. I'm not even close to the same person I used to be. Some of that's good, but some of it is not so good (like the anxiety!). Not sure if you're looking for strategies, but sometimes I do deep breathing (if I can handle it) or count slowly. Or, a good grounding technique is to name 5 things with each of your senses (e.g. I see a shelf, I see my bed, I see my window, I see the carpet, I see my dotted thirty-one bag, I hear the air conditioner, I hear my husband cleaning the sink, etc and so on). It sounds weird, but it really helps to ground me when I'm honestly about to lose it.

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