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Possible TMI- Not Enough Nooky

rin89rin89 member
in Parenting
I love DH more than anything, he is seriously my best friend in the world. We have a pretty awesome marriage...except for one thing. We only have sex every 6-8 weeks (though we've gone as long as 3 months). Now, I realize everyone is different and I'm sure that there are plenty couples out there that would be more than happy with this schedule. But I'm not. 

We knew going in things I have a higher libido than he does. If I had my way we'd be having sex 5-6 times a week, while DH has said he'd be happy with a 1-2 times a week. The problem is that, outside of our honeymoon, we've never had sex that often. During the school year I chalk it up to stress. But school has been out for almost 2 months now and we've had sex once. 

I've done everything I can think of.  try to do the little things that aren't really "sexy", but let him know he's appreciated and loved. I've worn sexy lingerie and flirted with him at different times of the day (he's a morning person so I've tried to catch him then). When we cuddle before bed I've tried seducing him with varying levels of intensity (eg mild flirting to trying to give him a bj). Nothing. If he's not already "in the mood" there is nothing I can do. It is not possible for me to initiate sex. 

I know part of the problem is weight. We're both heavy (ok I'll say it we're fat), and I know that can impact sex drive in a couple of ways. But it feels like more than that. And we have both been heavy from the beginning so it's not like it's been this drastic and sudden change wither.

Has anyone else been through this? 




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Re: Possible TMI- Not Enough Nooky

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  • RondackHikerRondackHiker member
    BluepointToasted said:

    This might be a dumb question, but have you talked to him about it? Like, told him exactly what you said here and see what he said?

    This was my question.


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  • MaebbMaebb member
    We have a similar issue, and I'm just really honest with my H about it. "I really enjoy sex with you - can we please do it more often? Can we plan some time in the next three days?" I'm also honest with my H about how it makes me feel when we don't have sex.

    I know it seems lame to plan it, but at least he can think about when would be a good time for him, so it gives him a choice, and you're still getting sex.

    I agree to talk to a doctor or counselor if this is an ongoing issue or if talking with your H about it doesn't help.
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  • rin89rin89 member
    BluepointToasted said:
    This might be a dumb question, but have you talked to him about it? Like, told him exactly what you said here and see what he said?
    Not a dumb question at all. We've talked about it quite a bit, I've been really honest with him about it for a while now. He doesn't seem to see it as a problem. He tends to just apologize that I feel "deprived" and shrugs it off.  :-S

    I'm thinking it's time to just be blunt and tell him it's to the point that I'm wondering if it's a medical issue. When we were first dating it wasn't unusual for him to go 4 times in one day. I don't expect to get anywhere near that again, frankly that might be too much for me lol. But even a couple times a month would be a huge improvement at this point.


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  • WhenigrowupWhenigrowup member
    My DH responded to the talk in a similar way.  There was always some reason, some stress, that is getting in the way.  He didn't really see it as a problem either, and every time we talked about it, the reaction got more and more defensive, and I felt more and more hurt that he didn't seem to care that it was bothering me.  The last time we talked about it, almost a year ago, I told him that I wasn't willing to stay in a sexless marriage.   It is a deal breaker for me.  (We've been married and dealing with this for many years.)  It has improved.  He has started initiating more, too, which I really appreciate.  

    Don't get to that extreme, though.  Talk to him about how it makes you feel, and look into a physical for him.  

    I hope it works out!
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  • BluepointToastedBluepointToasted member
    Yes, I think you need to be really blunt with him, and let him know that even if he doesn't feel it is a problem, it IS a big problem for you.  He doesn't have to give it up at the drop of a hat, but he should make an attempt to meet you halfway.  Especially since you say he was not always this way, really push him to see the doctor.  This would be a really big issue for me TBH.  Sex provides so much more than physical release in our marriage.  Mood enhacer, stress reducer, makes me feel more emotionally connected.  I would be upset about this too.
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  • rin89rin89 member
    Thanks for the input! We'll be having a serious face conversation tonight after work.


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