Do you have family (or friends) who do this??

wanderlust508 · June 2014

Let me preface this by saying that I love my inlaws. I know they don't mean to upset me but this one thing my FIL does is really starting to irk me!!

He is a big wine drinker (as are my husband and I). For the last year or so, every time we come over he will ask us if we want a glass of wine (if it's evening). He'll give me this hopeful look and jokingly be all disappointed if I say yes to a glass of wine. He's like "You're killing me!" or "One of these days you need to tell me that you can't drink for the next 9 months and give me a wink." OK sure! Don't you think I'd love to do that?! We haven't told them about our IF troubles and it's not like FIL constantly nags us about it ....but when he does, I guess it hits a bit of a sensitive spot for me. Also before we went to Kauai last month, he texted my hubby and I a pic of our 9 month old niece (my hubby's sister's baby) and said "Have fun in Kauai! ....and make one of these while you're there." Oh boy.

TiffW2012 · June 2014

I know that can be hard. I'm lucky that my in-laws have never put the baby pressure on us, even though I know they would love to be grandparents. My mom, on the other hand, used to lay it on think. Even once she knew we were TTC, she'd give me hints constantly that she was ready for me to be pregnant. Once I had a talk with her about how it made me feel, she has eased up. And now I know I will be able to go to her for support through this journey of testing. Maybe your DH could talk to him about it?

mrskovarik · June 2014

My whole extended family is always saying things like "you're next" or "pretty soon that's going to be you." Drives me nuts. I know they mean well but the comments hurt. I've gotten to the point where I'm really open with it now though so most of them know and the comments have slowed way down. My mom is one of the worst and she doesn't know yet, I've come to the point where I think I'm just going to let her know next time the subject comes up though because anytime ANYTHING that might sound remotely pregnancy symptom related she never fails to ask me if I'm "trying to tell her something." No mom, my headache, booze refusal, and my aching big toe is not trying to tell you anything!! Ugh

gsancho · June 2014

My FIL was exactly the same!! He lives an hour out so we don't see him all the time, but about once a month. He always gets us a bottle of wine or wisky, and when he would be about to give it to us, he'd be all..."unless you want to wait 9 months to get it!" - looking all hopeful. He at least would be too bummed out if we said no and grabbed the booze, but he would talk about us needing to "get to it" a lot. We finally told him about our troubles, and he stopped with the hints and nagging. Not all relatives are always so easy to quiet down, but eventually for me, I decided I'd rather them know.

BunnyBerry · June 2014

Would you and YH feel comfortable with something that capitalizes on men's general cluelessness and awe of women, like, "Dad, we are trying, and it's something that can make women really impatient and nervous, so can you stop the comments for now? I promise we'll let you know in a fun, special way as soon as it happens!" Unless he's one of those people who will latch on to that and "tease" more.

No one in my family or DH's family asked or hinted about us having children, even after years of marriage...and that also hurt, because it made me think, Does no one think we would be good parents? Is no one excited about grandkids or great-grandkids? I guess it was just out of respect (both sides of family really believe in independent choices I guess) and perhaps an inkling that something was wrong.

JericaLH · June 2014

The worst for me has always been my grandma. She had four children, three of which all have brand-new grandbabies of their own, making my mom the last one. So every family get together or birthday party she makes comments. "You look so good holding that baby!" "Isn't it time you two had a little one?" I just smile and laugh and brush it off like it's nothing, but it hurts. That and when I go to a birthday party for my cousin's 1 yr old and she announces that they're pregnant again and that she has no idea when it happened.... It took all my strength not to walk out right then. I just smiled and acted excited. Is it just me or do we have to be darn good actors around family???

ky29 · June 2014

***m/c mentioned**

My inlaws have done the same thing.. mostly MIL. Even after our loss, she would still make comments, in front of the whole extended family, like "I have that old rocking horse in the attic that is just waiting for my grandchild." I'm a tone like, c'mon now! Really? And she would make other grandchild comments that at times would really hurt. I kept telling DH he needed to talk to them.. and he could tell them as much or as little as he wanted, but they had to know something to make the comments stop. But then, his sister knew I was on injects, and actually told his mom. At first, we were caught off guard, but then I realized it was probably best because now MIL won't bring it up with us, and the comments would stop (hopefully). SIL felt bad, because she thought we had talked to her, but oh well!

lebradford · June 2014

I decided to tell my parents what was going on pretty early in the process, so they definitely don't harass me about when we'll have a baby. That doesn't stop my mom from talking to me about how all her coworkers are knocked up or have babies but that's a different issue.

My ILs live across the country from us (for now) and do NOT know what's going on. We only see them a couple of times a year. The last time we saw them (at Christmas) MIL was definitely hinting about it, but I pretended not to understand her hint, and she was smart enough not to ask me directly.

If they started asking or hinting more often, I would definitely have my husband either tell them what was going on, or at the very least tell them it is a topic we don't want to discuss.

It really sucks when people ask prying questions. I've already found myself avoiding social situations or being anxious about them, thinking someone will ask me when I'm going to have a baby. :-\

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Do you have family (or friends) who do this??

Re: Do you have family (or friends) who do this??

Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motility
IUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFN
IVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!
Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!

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Want a personalized experience?

Do you have family (or friends) who do this??

Re: Do you have family (or friends) who do this??

Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motilityIUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFNIVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!

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Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motility
IUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFN
IVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!
Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!