Poison

GymSpaz26 · June 2014

It is 7 1/2 months after losing my son. I've now been invited to my first baby shower. I know it would be really hard to go, just because I would remember my showers and how happy and innocent I was. But I'm also scared to go and really scared to have much interaction with friends who are pregnant or have newborns because I feel kind of poisonous. I feel like having me at the baby shower with a whole bunch of people who were at my baby shower would just be like a smack in the face, like "Hey! Reality check, it might not be all beautiful and wonderful like you hope." Or maybe people will just feel sorry for me. I don't want that. I wonder if this feeling will go away? Other than a few very close friends who have walked through these last 71/2 months with me, I feel like this around any pregnant or new mom friend. I'm just so afraid of interacting with them. And not so much because it might be difficult or painful for me, but rather because I feel like I'm poison. Have any of you felt this way?

kflynn81 · June 2014

I feel tht way on some level too but not that I think they will see me that way moreso I'm afraid of saying something. I've had to stop myself so so so many times from saying something to people that woul be considered rude but truthful... It's so frustrating to be in this situation it's hard to share in joy when you have had such sorrow from the same experiwnce

bunnybun4 · June 2014

I have not been to a baby shower, nor do I plan to go to one anytime in the distant future. It's too painful. I would seriously think about if you are ready to sit through that. We had one at work and I didn't go but could hear it from my desk and even that was super painful. I just politely explain to the mom-to-be that it is just too painful right now and I usually deliver a gift to their house. People have been very gracious and understanding.

I know what you mean about having to bite your tongue when people are talking about pregnancy/babies. it's so hard when you KNOW that terrible things can and do happen...nothing is for certain. If I were you I would just focus on what makes you healthy.

big ((hugs))

shandorfml2 · June 2014

I felt that way, and sometimes still do. I haven't gone to a baby shower yet. My childhood best friend had one, and I just couldn't go. She understood. She delivered her son one year and four days after I lost Ana, so that was hard. These are all normal feelings...like we're the debbie downer or party pooper, I always feel like people pitty me, and sometimes when talks of babies or pregnancy come up, if I talk..the room goes silent. I hate that.

lexusolsen · June 2014

The only shower I ever plan to attend is the one my sister will have some day. You are so much braver than I am.

I do feel like poison. Pp was right- either I stand there awkwardly while everyone else talks about their babies or I speak up and everyone else gets awkward. We can't win.

There's no shame in sending a giftcard and your best wishes if you don't want to go to the shower.

daffodil428 · June 2014

I hear you with feeling awkward about these types of situations. You are very strong to be more worried about others than yourself. I feel like if you are ready to go and want to attend, go to the shower. You have no control over what others will think and if you feel emotionally ready there is nothing wrong with you attending and showing your support for your loved one.

Me however I know I can't attend my friends baby shower planned for August. Right at the time I lost my baby girl she just found out she was 6 months pregnant. (Long story) I am so happy for her and plan on making her a baby blanket for her new baby boy. I just can't sit at a party where everyone will be talking about babies and pregnancy for hours.

Best of luck with whatever you decide.

Jellybean71514 · June 2014

lexusolsen said:

I do feel like poison. Pp was right- either I stand there awkwardly while everyone else talks about their babies or I speak up and everyone else gets awkward. We can't win

Yep this is me too I won't be ready anytime soon for showers but am facing people who talk about their kids a bit more I spoke with a friend last night who had her baby a few weeks ago and she was explaining how bad her delivery and recovery was so when I chimed in and said "yeah it took me a good 8 weeks to start feeling my body go back to normal after I delivered my son ...." It got weird and she said she felt awful - not sure if I said that to make a point or try to carry the conversation with what I could relate to. Either way it as uncomfortable for both of us - xo

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