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Am I crazy? Sunshine child mentioned

lexusolsenlexusolsen member
in Late Term and Child Loss
After dd outgrew her infant car seat, I steam cleaned it and stored it in my parents garage. Obviously, Ben won't be using it like we had planned. Dh and I decided to take ttc again off of the table until Ben's first angelversary has passed to give us both time to grieve and heal. So the earliest we would ttc is April 2015. The car seat expires in 2016.

I was thinking we could find someone else to use and get another one if and when we have another baby. Today my fil sent us a text that he found someone who would like the seat and should he come get it. I freaked out and started crying. I don't know that I can do this. It would be wasteful and selfish to keep it, right?
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Re: Am I crazy? Sunshine child mentioned

  • ikrystalikrystal member
    NOT AT ALL.  I know how you feel.  We bought a $700 stroller for our twins.  Crazy, maybe, but we went through 2 years of infertility to get pregnant and I was going to buy whatever the hell I wanted.  I absolutely refuse to use it on another baby, even if it still meets safety codes.  I'm keeping it.  I'm not returning it.  It means so much to me  - I searched for it for months so I could have the perfect stroller for them.  Some people think I should return it for the money, but no thanks.  You have the right to keep whatever you want.  Its YOURS.  Its BEN'S.  if you do not want to give it to someone else, keep it.  I know it sounds horrible, but I don't get to buy much for my boys now that they are gone.  So whatever was theirs I am keeping forever.  Whatever decision you make, don't let yourself feel guilty about.  Even if you do give it to someone else, don't let it bother you.  You did it out of the kindness of your heart.  If you keep it, don't feel bad.  You did it because you are grieving.  
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  • Jellybean71514Jellybean71514 member
    I think you need to so whatever feels best even knowing both options suck but are you ready to let go of it? I know we all discussed getting rid if baby things in the past so I guess this is kinda the same thing you need to let go when you're ready and don't give yourself any time frame regardless of when you plan to TTC again or the damn expiration date- it's ok not to recycle and just get rid of it when you're ready... you're feeling mean more I think xo
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  • princezjkprincezjk member
    ~~~Sig Warning~~~

    Nothing we do in grief is selfish or wasteful.  I have kept everything I bought for my Izzie.  I have packed it all up and can't bear the thought of getting rid of it or giving it to someone to use.  That's just how I feel.  Some people find healing in giving away things.  If that is what works for them, that is great.  You need to do what is best for you.  Maybe you will feel ready to give it away in a few months, maybe you won't.  Whatever you do, please don't beat yourself up for how you feel.  (((hugs)))













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  • BoraBoraBabyBoraBoraBaby member
    Please let us know the outcome. I agree with PPs. You keep it as long as you need it.
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  • lexusolsenlexusolsen member
    I kept it. I told fil I couldn't stand the thought of someone else's baby using it when mine should be. He was confused and said he only offered it to them because I told him to. I acknowledged that but explained it was harder than i thought it would be.

    He and mil mean well, and ironically they deal with loss and hospice because he is a deacon in the local church, but they aren't sure how to handle us.
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  • BoraBoraBabyBoraBoraBaby member
    So glad you kept it! Loss like ours is hard to comprehend, so I can understand why it would be hard to understand how it impacts us.
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  • lexusolsenlexusolsen member
    BoraBoraBaby said:

    So glad you kept it! Loss like ours is hard to comprehend, so I can understand why it would be hard to understand how it impacts us.

    That's a very good point. Our relationship has been rocky in the past but it was improving dramatically before the accident. I'm sure that adds to the uneasilness as well.
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  • stefugestefuge member
    I'm so glad you kept it! We just moved, and literally have a garage full of all of DS1's and DS2's clothes and toys and furniture and everyone keeps giving us crazy looks like why do we have so much stuff, and you know what, I don't care. I'm not ready to get rid of any of it yet and I don't care how long it takes. We may use it in the future, we may not, but right now, I'm not ready to get rid of anything. I'm glad you stuck with your gut, and hung on to it. ((Hugs))
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    Me: 32 DH: 33  High School Sweethearts  Married 5/28/2005
    DS1 born 6/5/10 at 40 weeks via emergency c-section due to fetal distress and IUGR caused by placental insufficiency
    DS2 born still 8/28/13 at 32 weeks via emergency c-section due to a complete placental abruption - cause unknown
    Baby #3 on the way, EDD 2/29/16.  Originally twins, but we said goodbye to Baby B at 8 weeks.
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