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Babies: 3 - 6 Months
jbrazell89
member
Trying to Please Everyone!
jbrazell89
member
I have never written on here before but BOY and I in need of some serious advice!!
My little boy is 3 months old and I recently went back to work almost a month ago (full time). I work with my mother-n-law (yes, yes I know). Recently, my MIL and I had a huge blow out because she thinks that I don't bring her grandson around enough. I try hard to make sure my in-laws see him once a week but sometimes my husband and I have previous engagements and we are unable to squeeze seeing everyone in just 2 days! My husband works midnights and I work day work so when I get home, he leaves! The weekends are also a time where my husband and I get to catch up with each other and have time for our new little family. Well my MIL had made the comment that all my FIL wanted was to see their grandchild over the weekend and then she reminded me the following day at work (different day) that he does not have germs and that I can swing him by to see him whenever. I was trying to stand up for myself and I told her that I am trying to please both grandparents and my sister (my son is the first grand baby and nephew on all sides) and that sometimes I think it would be easier if my husband and I lived further away so everyone would be more understanding if we didn't get to see them every weekend. Well that comment made her fly off the deep end! She called me into her office this morning and told me that I hurt her so much by making that comment. She proceeded to say that she has been so fair by putting distance with herself and her grandchild. Then told me that she loves my son more than I will ever know. She went on and on, scolding me for not giving her more time to spend with him. I tried to tell her that I was sorry and I didn't mean to hurt her with the comment and I started crying. I told her that she could contact my husband or I and ask to come by and she said she wouldn't because it is easier for her to wait for us to contact her! She then told me that I can drop my son off at their house and have my father-in-law watch him. First off, he has major medical issues and he told us that he never changed my husbands diapers. Why would I trust that he could handle watching my son without supervision?
I think it is time for me to start looking for a new job. I am really good at what I do and I love working there but it is becoming too much of a conflict and I am sure this will not be the last blow out. Any advice or can anyone relate??
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Re: Trying to Please Everyone!
Aww, I'm so sorry... I can hear your frustration!!
Do you think it would help if you and your husband sat down and created some boundaries to have with your whole family so that you're not feeling pressured to please everyone?
This is a really good idea. I can't believe what you're going through with your MIL. Her behavior was so inappropriate on so many levels. That was not the time or place to have a conversation like that. If your MIL tries to engage in talk like that again, I hope you feel comfortable enough to let her know that. Hopefully you and DH can find some time to talk and get on the same page with how you want to spend time with your new LO as well as the rest of your family. GL.
I def. agree with PP saying possible drop the baby off with the IL for a a few hours, maybe every other weekend? This gives you and the hubby time to be alone (which will feel amazing), and the IL get to spend time with the baby.
If this isn't an option, definitely set boundaries. They can see him every other weekend or whatever. You need time for your family too!
Thank you all for your advice! I really appreciate it. Yesterday was such an emotionally draining day and I think yesterday I was beating myself up thinking that this was all my fault but today, after getting some sleep, I am a little angry. She told me that words hurt, well the things that she said to me yesterday were pretty outrageous! I will certainly set some boundaries for her and you know if she thinks every other weekend is not enough for her then she is going to have to figure out what her issues are because they are not mine nor my husbands. I had a discussion with my husband last night and the more I told him about what she said to me, the angrier he got. I HATE that I feel like I am coming in between him and his mother and that he feels like he is stuck between a rock and a hard place (his soul mate and his mother). I know there has to be a happy medium somewhere!
As for letting her watch him for a couple hours on her own, I am just not comfortable with that right now because I feel like she needs to brush up on her "motherly" skills. I know that sounds harsh but she hasn't had to raise a baby in over 25 years. Am I wrong to say think this way?