Would this bother you?

Poppy523 · June 2014

My best friend has a DD that is 18 months ish (born in January). She and I are pretty close because of the fact that we have two little ones so close in age. Anyways, she has been CDing since her DD's birth and I just recently switched over. She was super helpful with the switch, but I did a ton of research of my own. I have probably read 60 blogs on cloth diapering, not to mention manufacturer's recommendations on every brand that I bought. The more she and I talked, the more I shared with her about what I was learning. It was clear I had done more research, which was not a big deal to me, I know that I am a research freak (probably the leftover law school in me). Anyways, on more than one occasion she made comments about how she didn't know how I had so much time to research and do all this reading, she was so busy taking care of her DD and her house. We have talked on here before about how you find the time for your priorities. For about a week straight this was my priority. It was all I did every time DD was sleeping, sometimes even when she was awake, but mostly when she was sleeping. Between her nap time and doing some more after she went to bed, it wasn't hard to get in several hours of research a day. The thing that bothered me was that she acted like I had so much more time on my hands than she had. Her DD still naps twice a day for 2 hours each time and one day I was texting with her while she was watching Real Housewives (once again not judging her for that). She just kept making comments about how I must have had so much free time on my hands which for some reason really offended me, even though I tried not to let it because I know I am probably just hormonal and sensitive....

kelly321 · June 2014

Ugh. I hate it when moms compare "free time" with those stupid comments. As others have said on here before and you did as well, it's about priorities. It would bother me if I had a friend who kept saying something like that.

jesuisfatiguee · June 2014

It sounds like she feels weird or inferior for not being a research-addict like you are. She probably feels like you are out-doing her somehow by now knowing more about CD than she does, even though she's been doing it longer.

Yes, her comments would bother me, but they're probably just a reflection of her own insecurities. I agree with @Sagen. The next time she brings it up, try to be inclusive in saying that you BOTH get lots of free time, which is so nice.

Rynleigh · June 2014

o.O honestly I think if one of my friends insinuated that I must just not work as hard as they do because I have the ability to organize my priorities, I would probably have trouble trying not to laugh in their face.... like, really, let's not compete about who has more time or works harder or spends more time with their kids or who budgets their day more effectively... I think that's a perfect example of legit mommywars that annoy me. That's not about a scientifically or statistically "best" way to do something... that's just obnoxious competition.

If you want to avoid snarkiness you could always say something like, "Using the disposables for as long as I have did save a little time - I know this CD'ing thing is probably going to eat up a good chunk of time during the day."

djm31012 · June 2014

it would not bother me. i think some moms need to justify their worth sometimes by talking about how busy they are or how knowledgable they are or all the amazing thing they are doing, etc. im personally comfortable with my own decisions and how our family operates, so i have gotten pretty good at tuning out the judgy comments.

tamarar5 · June 2014

I like how Kelly put it — I hate when mom's compare free time. I used to have a m friend who would do all these cool, fun things with her two kids, and she always invited me, but between work, and school, and trying to keep my head above financially, but she always made me feel guilty for not taking my dd to the Children's museum or the park.

Okay, so I guess mine isn't so much about comparing free time...

. But yes, it would annoy me. But I'd probably have to weigh how much it bothered me.

Poppy523 · June 2014

Thanks, ladies. We are really close, we talk everyday several times a day and I am always calling her to ask questions because she has so much more experience than I do and I like to think that we are close enough that we can ask each other questions and share all the stuff we learn, but now that I am reading your responses I am wondering if she was a little uncomfortable. She went with 3 dozen of the same brand of pocket diapers and after researching I decided to go a different direction, and when she complained about overnight leaks I shared some of the stuff I had found. She was probably a little offended/upset that I disagreed with her method and chose to go a different way and am having a little better luck. I didn't mean to out-do her, but I thought we were close enough that I could share my success as a way to help her, not outshine her. I would NEVER try to show her up or share that kind of stuff with someone I wasn't as close with out of fear of sounding like sanctimommy, but maybe that is where it is coming from.

But like you all said, it is just frustrating when she implies she is a better mommy because she spends more time on her house and kid than I do. Ohhh the Mommy wars...

djm31012 · June 2014

You know what if you do have free time -- ENJOY it! Don't feel bad about it! You are an awesome mom and it's so clear that your daughter is your number 1 and that's what matters. I actually feel guilty about not having time because I work-- I'd rather be the opposite and have time to do more research etc.

Poppy523 · June 2014

DC2London said:
Maybe diffuse it a bit by saying , "Hey, by the way, thanks again for helping me get started with CD. It is so overwhelming when you know nothing and it made things so much easier that you already know so much and could point me in the right direction"

Good idea! They are coming to visit next week so it will be a good time.

ally2011 · June 2014

All I have to add is that I CD and wish you were around when I started.....a good friend of mine did and she went the cheap route so I decided to try that first and see if it worked for us and if it did I was done.....well it did so we have been in Oscocozy prefolds and Thirsties covers since DD was 2 months old

I know my research is impressive. Ha. I do have a bunch of BumGenius pockets but I don't like them even though I wanted to love them.

We do use one disposable at night b/c my BGs leaked. So if you have a reocmmendation for night from all of your research I'll take it

And yes, friends can be annoying. Just say "well I wish I had time to watch Real Housewives!"

tamarar5 · June 2014

I did no research my first time cding. I didn't know there WERE other diapering options besides Gerber prefolds, pins, and plastic covers.

I HATED IT. Every second of it.

With E. I decided to do research and was magically introduced to the vastly insane underground world known as the cloth diapering cult, lol. I decided to pick a brand and I love them (gDiapers). We've had to look at heavier night options, and I also went with Bum genius pockets. I hate them. I much prefer my flips!

But again, I wish I'd known someone like you when I was doing my research... So I could have someone to compare notes with!

wifeofadam · June 2014

I hate this, too. I feel like people do this to me all the time and infer that I am somehow neglecting my kids or something because I have time to do things that they don't prioritize. You make time for what you think is important. For me, cleaning is not important, so I don't make the time for it. But darn it if I won't spend two hours after the kids go to bed falling down a rabbit hole researching whatever I'm interested in at the time instead of watching TV.

wifeofadam · June 2014

TamaraR4 said:

I did no research my first time cding. I didn't know there WERE other diapering options besides Gerber prefolds, pins, and plastic covers. I HATED IT. Every second of it. With E. I decided to do research and was magically introduced to the vastly insane underground world known as the cloth diapering cult, lol. I decided to pick a brand and I love them (gDiapers). We've had to look at heavier night options, and I also went with Bum genius pockets. I hate them. I much prefer my flips! But again, I wish I'd known someone like you when I was doing my research... So I could have someone to compare notes with!

I thought I was the only one, Tamara. I did the same thing with DS2. I used pins, prefolds, and Gerber pants exclusively because that's what my mom and MIL taught me to use. Then my sister tried CDing with pockets for a while and hated it, gifted me her diapers, and I was like, "WOAH!!! This can be WAY easier!!"

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