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August 2014 Moms
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Wills

mcculloughemcculloughe member
in August 2014 Moms
Sensitive subject, but my husband and I are starting to update our wills and were discussing who to leave the baby with if something were to happen to both of us. We are stuck!
I couldn't imagine sending her to live with my dad. He isn't great with kids and just retired and wants his own time now to travel. Husband's mom lives alone in a small two bedroom house. We want her to have a mother and a father figure. One of his brothers is not married or dating, and the other is married but I wouldn't trust him to raise her well. We don't have many other close relatives, and I definitely would want it to be someone who had been in her life and someone she knew well. As far as close friends go, I have one close friend that I feel would be ready and okay with having a child.... And she would totally do it but she has 4 kids of her own already. They have the income to support it, but I feel like that would be too much. Our other friends either have no children yet or are not married.
Has anyone else had this talk yet? It's stressing me out!
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Re: Wills

  • gahorseygalgahorseygal member
    My DH and I are also in debate. We both agree we don't want to ask our parents. Both sets have been married for 30+ years and in their early fifties so they are great options. However we feel that they don't need to be parents again and need to enjoy being grandparents. My older sister is married with a little girl of her own but I don't agree with her parenting style. She is more strict than I am. Both DH and I agree my younger sister would a great parent but she just graduated college, is single, and about to start her career (as an elementary school teacher). Even with these factors we still feel she would raise our child more like we would but I haven't been able to bring it up with her. I also feel my older sister and even my mother would disagree.

    I think it's a tough decision no matter what your circumstance. However I feel that all I can do is pray about it and know we will make the choice we are supposed to make. 
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  • JadaBlueJadaBlue member
    One thing to keep in mind is that in many states your wishes will be taken into account but will not be determinitive. Instead, the court would find what is in the best interests of your child at the time. It's important to have these conversations and make your preferences known, but take some comfort in knowing a competent authority would also be looking out for your child if the worst happens.
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  • enigmasaraenigmasara member
    My H and I discussed this last weekend, but need to do something official about it now.  My dad & his dad are definitely out, his mom would never be able to handle it financially, my mom would be able to handle it financially, but she is also 67 & I can't imagine her having a kid in her house until she was 85! 

    H has a brother, but he's 9...so that's out.  I have a brother that could handle it financially, and has two kids of his own, but I am really not a fan of my SIL at all.

    Most of our close, responsible, financially stable friends live in other states & won't get to meet our LO very often so it would be a HUGE shock to her system if she had to go live with them.  So, my thought is my boss & his wife.  They have become good friends of ours, she is actually hosting my shower.  They are financially stable.  They went through years of IVF and then ended up adopting a boy who is now 8.  They had been looking into adopting again, but things kept falling thru so they took it as a sign that it wasn't meant to be, but I know they would love to have another kid. 

    I had been thinking about things before ever talking to H but didn't know if he would be on board with what I had come up with.  He actually suggested them before I even got a chance!  So now all we have to do is talk to them about it & then get our wills written up....stat!

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  • BlckRosesBlckRoses member
    We talked about it and decided no grandparents as they are all getting a little older and don't need to raise another child.  I have heard the advice to pick a person and not a couple, because you don't know what will happen to the relationship.  For example, I would be fine having my brother and his wife raise our baby, but I'm not as comfortable with just my brother raising her alone.  His wife is a huge stabilizing and rationalizing part of his life, so if they got divorced, I wouldn't want him responsible for my child.  We decided on DH's sister, she's financially stable and has a good job and house.  She's engaged to a great guy, likes kids, but has said she doesn't want to be pregnant.  We haven't done anything official yet, but I'm sure we'll get around to it eventually.
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  • shevaCCshevaCC member
    We wouldn't want to ask our parents since they're all in their mid to late 60s and we feel like that's too old to keep up with kids full-time. DH's sister isn't financially stable and is just starting to turn her life around, though still smokes too much pot so she's out. That leaves DH's brother and my brother. Both are married and would be good options. DH's brother and his wife just had their 2nd and are rather overwhelmed right now, often have trouble saving money, plus parent very differently than us (lots more tv, ipad, and junk food than I like). My brother is more financially stable and makes more thoughtful decisions with money. His wife has a 9-year-old daughter that's now his step-daughter and they spend lots of quality time together as a family. They're not as physically active as we are and are a different religion (we're Catholic, they're non-denominational Christian) but we think they're the better fit. Now we just have to write up wills...
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