How to share the news with parents... over the phone? Update

Lady2010 · June 2014

Hi Ladies,

I would love your advice on this. DH and I were initially thinking we would wait until after the 1st tri. to tell either set of parents (they both know that we have been going through IVF but none of the details - we have told them when there is something to know, they will know; but told them since it impacted our ability to attend some family events). At any rate, we will be seeing DH's parents at the end of June (I will be 10weeks then) and since it may become obvious - esp when I decline alcohol and other seafoods which I normally love - we think it may be easier to tell them at that time. (and after that we are traveling all the weekends until 14 weeks and don't want to wait that long - in the event someone we know sees me and figures it out - we want our parents to know first).

The challenge is telling my parents. We were going to go to see them the prior weekend (at 9weeks) to tell them but I learned my mom's eldest brother and his wife will be visiting that weekend from out of the country. And we don't want to share this news with them in front of anyone else - even if it is family. Then we were thinking of inviting them to join us over the 4th of July but we are going to an area where I grew up but are not seeing any of the family friends still there - which my parents feel they would want to see others, etc.

SO the only option left is to tell them over the phone. (they live 8 hours away so a day/after work trip is not feasible). My sister has 2 kids - so they won't be first time grandparents - but nonetheless it is my first and I want to be able to share it in some special way - especially after how hard it has been (while we haven't discussed it - they know me and know my lack of discussion and my stress has been driven by how hard it has been). Any advice? I was thinking of telling them I want to do a skype call to test it since I have an interview the next week so we can see their reactions. (they don't have apple/facetime).

Greatly appreciate any and all advice. Sorry for the novella!

FishyMom · June 2014

I think the skype idea is good. We did FaceTime with DHs parents cause telling them in person was not an option. Good luck!

SKLH · June 2014

My parents live 10 hours away (we moved b/c my husand joined the military. We've done 5 embryo transfers and they knew about all of them until the 5th one so I REALLY wanted to drive down there and tell them in person but my husband had already told him parents (since he told them about the transfer they of course wanted to know if it worked!) So, I felt like it was only right fo rmy parent's to know too. Lucky for me, it was my Dad's bday so when I asked if they watned to FaceTime (or Skype in your case) it wasn't suspicious! I WISH I could have gotten a screen shot b/c their faces were PRICELESS> That's my best piece of advice to you!! I think Skype would work great. I didn't feel like it was any less special at all. They were ESTATIC and I got to see their faces! I think Skype is a great option!

WA1215 · June 2014

I agree with others, skype will be awesome! It will be the next best thing to being with them. You guys can see each other's reactions

Good luck!!!

ccam · June 2014

I saw a cute video where the soon to be grandparents were told over Skype. The couple mailed them a package (I think it was a bib or shirt referring to the grandparents) and had them open it over Skype so they could see their reaction. It was really cute. My parents would be totally suspicious but they'd probably still freak out! Maybe you can record it so you always have that to keep.

LSN8308 · June 2014

over the phone would be hard, but echoing with everyone else that the skype idea seems to be the best way to go!

marnief · June 2014

I agree that Skype is better than phone - but do you think you can find a time with just your parents (without your aunt and uncle) while you're visiting? Maybe even just say to your folks ahead of time, "We'd love to get just a little bit of quality time with just you," whether for a meal (maybe breakfast if your aunt & uncle sleep in) or a walk or something. If it's possible, it's really nice to get those hugs in person.

Either way, I am sure they will be ecstatic and it will be a wonderful memory for all of you

absolutelymaybe · June 2014

I think you may be overthinking this a little too much. I know it's an exciting moment when you get to tell your parents, but it is just one moment in a slew of many future exciting moments. Don't stress yourself out over the logistics. They can be just as excited for you over the phone as they can in person (although I think it would be great if you ended up using Skype).

ETA: I honestly told my mom, sister and cousin (the three people I'm closest to) by texting them a pic of my positive pregnancy test. True, I didn't get to see their reactions, but I can imagine they were pretty excited!

Lady2010 · June 2014

Thank you so much for your advice! Sounds like Skype will work. I am still sad that we won't be telling my parents in person - esp since we will be telling in-laws in person... MIL will basically gloat that she got to learn in person and my parents didn't (never mind the fact that they live 3 hours away and this weekend was on the books since Jan/Feb - she is just that kind of a person)

Oh - and to clarify since it is probably confusing the way I wrote it - we didn't make plans to go see my parents the weekend of 21st - we were just thinking about it and then I learned my aunt and uncle would be there. I can't really tell them while they are there - we don't want anyone o/s of immediate family to know until after 1st tri. And if they are there my parents can't keep it from them.. so we are not going.

THANK YOU Ladies! Will let you know how it goes - not for a few weeks but I like having a plan.

Lady2010 · June 2014

Thank you again ladies! Just an update - because DH and I are crazy, we decided that we will fly to my parents house tomorrow evening (DH will be coming from a work trip), spend 2 days there and tell them in person, and then go to meet DH's parents and tell them.

DH hasn't seen my parents since Thanksgiving and with schedules it was going to be at least Labor Day before we all met up. So this worked out. Getting excited to tell them! (though dreading the travel part since m/s has kicked up a notch this week!)

marnief · June 2014

Oh, yay! Enjoy the freedom to travel on a whim like this while it lasts...

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