How long after birth...?

vk2204 · June 2014

Were you ready to go out with baby and be social?

I am a FTM and my due date is 8-21. My nephew (H's sister's kid) is turning 2 on 8-23. A few weeks ago my MIL made a comment to me "You will either be at the party super pregnant or with the baby". I just laughed, but my inner bitch came out and thought "what if I don't want to go?!". I know the chances of me delivering on the actual due date are slim, but even if it happens a week before will I be ready or even want to go to a birthday party? I know I am probably over thinking it and I get irrationally irritated when people plan stuff and just assume I will be there.

All you STM+ when were you ready after birth to be out of the house for the day with a newborn?

vk2204 · June 2014

Notchotchke said:

I went out within days of leaving the hospital but my husband was with me. I wasn't comfortable going out alone until dd was about 2 weeks old and then I just went to a friends house who also had a newborn. I might avoid going to a party, especially for a child, with a newborn. People will want to touch and hold the baby which would piss me off (not to mention little kids are germ factories). Unless you can wear the baby the whole time (and maybe only go for an hour) I would probably not go.

I am an idiot for not even thinking about that. That is such a great point!

vk2204 · June 2014

trawas01 said:

No personal experience but with my sister she was up and out with her first at a local flea market four days after he was born. With her second I took her, at her request, to visit my mom at her job 3 days after he was born.

She had uncomplicated, unmedicated births with both. I'll also add she's no super woman by any means. She's usually a wimp with most things actually lol but both times really wanted to be out and about.

lol, this is how I am I feel like. I think it will be a huge pain in the ass and I am already psyching myself out. I guess it really depends on how I am feeling, but like @Notchotchke said there will be so many germs there that it is the most imporant thing to think about.

BeachM · June 2014

I went out to lunch and shopping with a friend 2.5 weeks pp when DH went back to work. I also had a c/s and waited until I could drive and was comfortable moving around at faster than a snail's pace. It felt great to get out and having a mommy friend with me was great for reassurance.

I thought that I'd be too nervous to be out and about alone, plus it was the start of flu season, but I hated feeling trapped inside. We spent an enormous amount of time walking around Target when Finn was a newborn. No one ever tried to touch him.

Jenrileysmom · June 2014

DD was born in the middle of the holiday season and we were on the move all the time right after she was born. I did notice that in the first week, I would get exhausted very quickly. Other than that it was fine.

Valancyy · June 2014

With both of my boys we didn't go anywhere where there would be a lot of "germy" people until their first set of vaccinations. We would go to the park or out for ice cream, or to visit a couple people, but that's it. No grocery stores or big gatherings.

I think I would definitely pass on a birthday party that soon. I would be tired and you may be still trying to figure out breastfeeding (if you plan on breastfeeding). Who knows, you may still be in the hospital at that point anyway!

I seem to be more on the conservative side in terms of going out with the baby. I've never felt trapped in the house, though. My boys were born at the beginning of nice weather, so it's not like it was the middle of winter and we couldn't go outside.

I admit that I do judge when I see people out with an obvious newborn at places like Target or the mall. I would always have my husband stay with the baby for an hour or so if I really needed to get out.

ungraceful13 · June 2014

With DD I didn't go out much at first but that was in combo of it being winter and me having a rough recovery with tearing. I figure I will be going out much sooner this time. My due date is 8/15 and my nephew's birthday party is 9/1 so we will be there. I just plan to wear DS the whole time and maybe only stay for the family part since it gets much more hectic when SIL's friends come. But if you aren't comfortable going to the party don't feel that you have to. Your first priority are you and your little one.

tabaskoa · June 2014

I was out shopping (Target and Babies R Us, with someone else driving - I had a c-section) 3 days pp. I just really wanted to get out! As far as social events, I think the first one I attended was closer to a month. Is it just family at your niece's party or is it a huge bash? If it's just family, I would totally "plan" to go for now, you can always just go for a little bit and not pass the baby around.

My sister is having a wedding reception about 2 weeks after I am due, and I am planning to go. I know I will likely end up being MIA a lot to breastfeed, and I don't plan on letting people other than my immediate family hold the baby.

You definitley don't need to commit now though, just play it by ear!

vk2204 · June 2014

tabaskoa said:

I was out shopping (Target and Babies R Us, with someone else driving - I had a c-section) 3 days pp. I just really wanted to get out! As far as social events, I think the first one I attended was closer to a month. Is it just family at your niece's party or is it a huge bash? If it's just family, I would totally "plan" to go for now, you can always just go for a little bit and not pass the baby around.

My sister is having a wedding reception about 2 weeks after I am due, and I am planning to go. I know I will likely end up being MIA a lot to breastfeed, and I don't plan on letting people other than my immediate family hold the baby.

You definitley don't need to commit now though, just play it by ear!

They have all of their friends/neighbors come with their kids and we don't know most of them.

MollyHooper · June 2014

Don't commit to anything. Even if you are still pregnant you might just not feel up to going.
Personally after my fist I didn't want to leave the house for 2 weeks except to maybe go on a walk.
And really second birthdays are no big deal. Get your nephew a gift and call it a day.

workmm01 · June 2014

I'm a FTM so I'm interested in this too. It feels great knowing that we might feel up to leaving the house so soon. I would say that if you don't feel up to it, don't feel bad about it. My best friend tried to go shopping one week pp and she said it made her feel very tired and almost sick. She was recovering from tearing and it was almost two weeks before she felt comfortable going out. So just don't push yourself if you feel you aren't ready.

BeachM · June 2014

To add to my reply I probably wouldn't go to places where people are going to think it's ok to touch and hold LO. This is why I'm ok with Target but will avoid church for awhile. People just can't help themselves.

ETA: And while I say that, I can't avoid the start of preschool in September. Talk about germs.....

vk2204 · June 2014

snowflake91011 said:

I would tell your MIL that you'll be there if you're feeling up to it (whether you're pregnant or just had the baby), but you can't commit to being there 100 percent. You could very realistically be in the hospital still, or not feeling well enough to be out and about. Just make sure your H is on the same page as you are and willing to stand up for your family's decision (whatever it ends up being).

I know I have told him that I need at least a few days of just us with the baby with no visitors and he didn't care either way. I won't even bring up the party specifically unless I need to. I know if I am not feeling up to it he would be okay with me staying home, he has been great with that during pregnancy! And he will probably be scared to take baby by himself to the party lol.

CanadianintheSouth · June 2014

I asked the pediatrician about this when I went to meet him, if I should worry about traveling (was thinking about traveling to a wedding 6 weeks after baby is due) before the first set of vaccinations. He said be careful around a lot of germ carrying kids, that would be something to avoid. However a group of adults would be fine, which would be who is attending the wedding we may go to.

CanadianintheSouth · June 2014

Oh and to add, he said the first set of vaccines aren't even for anything that the baby will probably see or come in contact with, except pertussis. So don't worry about waiting for those is what he told me.

caybeh · June 2014

With DS, I had my sister, husband, their three kids, spend the night a week after DS was born. I felt pretty good at that point. The first few days after we got home from the hospital, I slept alot. It really does depend on how your labor goes. I had a pretty good delivery with DS, so I bounced back pretty fast.

We'll see with this one as I have a wedding a week after our due date. I would really like to go to the wedding, but it is up in the air at this point because I just won't know if I will have had the baby and how I will feel.

MNdesigner · June 2014

We were pretty antisocial after DD was born, mostly because I had a very tough recovery (spinal headache and tension headaches). Also, we had family coming over to see the baby, and that was more than enough for me! I wanted a lot of quiet bonding time. Also I was afraid of germs. Our first trips out were to the pediatrician for her 1-week visit, and then a couple Dairy Queen drive throughs!

I wouldn't even consider going to a birthday party that close to the baby being born, because of reasons PP have mentioned, and also that you will possibly not feel that great so close to delivery, be bleeding, etc. Everyone is different, though!

rockyrollgirl · June 2014

I had a c-section, but I am going to say 2 weeks?
I wouldn't stress about it right now. See how you feel when that time comes.

tamarar5 · June 2014

I went out within days, but I always had baby snuggled and covered in a carrier (I had two Feb babies before). I wasn't really up to "entertaining" for a couple weeks though.

I'm in a similar position. I'm due 8/11 and my nephew turns one on 8/29. The family just kind of assumes we'll be there. And it's not that I don't want to (love my nephew to death!) I'm just not sure I can handle the huge group or overwhelming mob of family at most two weeks after giving birth. But most of them are coming a really long distance, so if I don't go down there, i'm afraid they'll just come up to visit me at home —and I can guarantee my house won't be company ready.

Kondasa · June 2014

I was out about 2-3 days after with the baby. When I went to the store I would have her in the car seat and I did go to a birthday party probably 2 weeks after and I had her in the Moby Wrap which signals "hands off!"

Having an August baby does have its benefits--not cold and flue season!

vk2204 · June 2014

stoofewok said:

I'm in a similar situation. There is a family event roughly 2 weeks after our LO's due date and my MIL gave me the same response....like I didn't have a choice. The thing is, you DO have a choice and you need to put your foot down. I'm such a people-pleaser and I pretty much do whatever other people want.

However, I was so upset about the way my MIL kept insisting on it for so long that it made me adamant to stick to my guns. H and I decided that if she has to have an answer about whether we'll attend or not, the answer is no. If she's willing to wait to see how we all are when it gets closer, then we'll let her know the day of or day before.

If she brings it up again I will probably be more likely to NOT want to go, too.

Rosebean · June 2014

I was trapped trapped trapped when I had my first born. Anything that could go wrong with my vehicle, did. And I refused to drive DH's car because it was stick shift (which I could drive... but only under favorable conditions). At the time, his heat wasn't working, we live in Canada and it was February. My car was having issues with the back hatch and something else was wrong with my tires.

All I remember, was that every time we thought something was okay and good to go and made plans, something else would break down. So until my car got in to be fixed, it was about 4 weeks or more before I socially got out, and by that time I was crying because I felt like a prisoner in my own home. It was beyond frustrating. I also remember having a pure meltdown going out in public with DS for the first time because our 1 store shopping trip turned into 4 stores and I thought he would have issues... which, he slept through and was fine the whole time. It was just me being post-partum and healing from a c/s that had me being loopy over nothing.

Emmerbemmers · June 2014

There are two types of people - those who will judge you for going out in public "too soon" and those who will judge you for staying home "too long." I personally am a little of the former, even though I try to not to judge, because everyone is different.

With my first kid, my lady parts, boobs and general mood made me enjoy staying home. It was all pajamas, comfort food, Netflix, getting spoiled by family and lots and lots of breastfeeding. I loved it. Besides the follow up pediatric appointment, I didn't leave the house for even a walk for 11 days, and I'm not normally that much of a homebody. My vag was pretty wrecked to be honest though. On that first outing I went to Target to find some nursing bras and a lady looked at me side-eyed and said, "he's so little. Why are you out?" . . . later that day a friend and fellow mom called me and said "Come get Thai food in Hollywood with us! It's time for you to enter the world again!"

I personally would plan on not attending the party. Get him a great gift and send the husband, whether you are overdue (everyone's questions will annoy the hell out of you at that point) or have a newborn.

schnookee · June 2014

I had no interest in going anywhere for awhile. I did have a c section and an infection though so it was a little different. I realize I'm not the norm here but I probably won't be doing anything social for a while. I'm due 8/3 and just received a wedding invite for 9/14. There's no way I'll be up for going whether I have a VBAC or RCS. A wedding would be a little much for me at that point. I also plan on breastfeeding again and pumping did not work for me last time so I'm pretty prepared to be somewhat limited in what I'll be doing for a while.

happylady07 · June 2014

Add me to the "hell to the no" camp would I be going to a kids party with a newborn. Full disclosure though, I try to avoid kids bday parties anyways, and after DS I was in no way shape or form ready for that type of thing for several weeks. I had a rough recovery though, and was still feeling very weak and tired for the first 2 weeks. I'm not germaphobic, but with a newborn, I was a total spaz keep all unnecessary kids away from us type.

vk2204 · June 2014

Thank you all for the responses! I will definitely be playing it by ear and of course the timing of the birth will help be the deciding factor. I just wasn't sure if I was being too big of a bitch by even thinking of not going. You all are the best!

audreylaine510 · June 2014

I had a wedding I was supposed to go to the week after DD was born and I foolishly thought I would be up for it. After she arrived I knew there was no way I was going to be able to go. Having a baby is a big deal, it takes some time to adjust. I was certainly ready to leave the house after a week but not to go to a large party. Everyone is different but I would make sure you put yourself and your baby first and give yourselves some time to recover before going to a social event like the one you mentioned.

caballablanca · June 2014

My hs reunion was a week after I gave birth with dd. I was sore still and in no mood to sit for any extended periods. It took me 2 weeks to feel somewhat normal again. I would be a little leery about taking a newborn to a germy kids party. I would just let them know your gonna be a game time decision.

GinnyJ2012 · June 2014

I went to a Virginia Tech football game and tailgate with DS when he was 16 days old. The walk to the game is a little over a mile, and I was ok. I wore DS and he slept almost the entire time. My mom held him for a bit while I had something to eat during the game because I was afraid of dropping food on him!

During the tailgate he was in his bucket set on the stroller (my auto correct changed that to stripper!) or in a carrier.

simplein06 · June 2014

It really depends on your labor. I would not have been comfortable going out to a party the first week with the amount I was bleeding. I personally wouldn't go because I would get so annoyed with everyone asking to hold the baby. People go crazy over babies. It amazed me how many strangers have felt the need to touch ds and how many people that wanted to hold him

ebp913 · June 2014

I'll be leaving the house immediately after getting home to go shopping most likely and I'll do some walks and easy stuff with my other kids but I'm not planning any big social events for a long while. I'm guessing we'll do something fun for Labor Day but I'm just not planning on much. I don't love leaving a breastfeeding infant in the first month really mostly because pumping just sucks so if I go out, it will probably be with the newborn.

Also, most everyone we know knows that we almost lost our son to RSV last year when he was 3 week old so I doubt there will be a lot of asking to hold the new baby etc. I had/have a hard time telling people not to touch my baby but this time around, I'm hoping I'll be more assertive about it given what we went through. I have a plan to babywear all the time so people just leave the baby alone!

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