Thank You's

SandyEggo5 · June 2014

How did you respond to everyone that sent things after your loss? I don't know if I'm ready for this yet, but I don't want people to think that we don't appreciate all they have done for us. Should I send thank you cards for the gifts and meals? Or would a text, email, or Facebook message be ok? And what about all the thinking of you/sympathy cards? I feel bad getting such nice notes from people and not acknowledging them. How did you go about this and in what time frame?

lexusolsen · June 2014

We intended to send thank you cards and even bought blue thank you notes. However, we never actually got around to it. We have posted general thank yous in fb and thanked people as we see them. I don't think anyone expects a thank you card. And now, honestly, I don't care if they do.

GymSpaz26 · June 2014

I had a hard time with this as well. I grew up with the importance of thank you cards ingrained into me. I ended up sending thank you cards for physical gifts. There were some people who I knew wouldn't care/expect it, and so I ended up not sending them one. I didn't send them for meals, except for a few people who I knew it was probably more important. It took me until about 5 months out to send most thank you cards and I used it as an opportunity to just share that it has been hard, but this is how we are doing. Thank you for ...... and for your love and support (or love and prayers). I ended up not ever sending 100%, but got most people. I still occasionally send one or two I never got to if I feel like it. I had about 8 people who gave us baby gifts after the shower and within the few days before our son was born. Those thank yous I was never able to do, unless I included it with some other thank you from after he passed away.

Just do what you are able to. Understand that people probably would love to hear from you and know how you are doing, but really probably don't expect to receive a thank you card. Also, think about are there any that maybe someone else could write for you? My mom did the ones that were kind of more mutual acquaintances.

shandorfml2 · June 2014

We didnt...we just couldnt. I did a general thank you on facebook, but people were understanding

ikrystal · June 2014

We didn't send cards either. Honestly, I didn't even think about it. We thanked people in person. I might have sent thank you cards to strangers who sent us things via mail, since we would never meet them. But for our friends and family, just thank you hugs and texts. I dont think anyone really expected a thank you card or anything like that.

erinel · June 2014

We did very similar things to thePPs. Some thank yous for physical gifts, but just a text or general fb thank you for the notes, food, etc. it was just too hard to write a bunch of notes.

AshersMom11 · June 2014

We tried to thank as many people as we could in person or on fb, but haven't sent any thank you notes.

Maybe Joleisa · June 2014

When i received flowers or edible arrangements, I would FB message or text a thank you to let them know it had arrived. I don't think thank yous are expected, but I did send them for any physical gifts or those who dropped off meals. It ended up being about 27 notes and it took me almost a whole day. I did it about 4 weeks post-loss; it was hard.

Part of the reason I sent the notes is because the support I've gotten over these past 4 years has been tremendous. I feel like I'm the friend with the black cloud over my life: grandpa died in 2010, grandma died in 2011, mom died in 2012, mmc in 2013, losses in 2014. Don't let sending TYs stress you out.

DevonBedford · June 2014

I had an extremely hard time facing anyone I knew for awhile after our loss. I sent a mass email thanking everyone for their kind words and flowers/cards/etc and letting them know that their thoughtfulness was not unnoticed.

TeamWinForever · June 2014

We thanked people via text or Facebook; especially if the sent flowers or food since we wanted them to know that their package arrived. It was too painful to sit and write notes for each card we got. No one has said anything about the lack of thank you notes and I doubt anyone would. I would just do what you feel comfortable with.

hsabyan · June 2014

I've been struggling with this as well. I decided that I am going to do thank you cards for the people who gave us physical gifts or donations/money. We're a month and a half out and I am probably half way done with them. I got cards printed with a picture of Georgia on the front and a pre-scripted message inside. I am trying to write out one or two sentences on each if I am able to think of something to say... what's more important to me is to send the picture of Georgia out. I want everyone to have a piece of her and have something to remind them of her and us.

I've talked with friends about my stress of getting them done, and all of them have told me that people don't expect anything- but it's easier for me to write thank you than to bring it up and thank people in person. I'm still trying to get used to the pity looks from people when I mention Georgia or anything related, and if I can avoid it- I will.

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer and if someone gets bent out of shape by not getting a thank you card- that's their problem, not yours.

OSUWifey09 · June 2014

***SIGGY***

I sent thank yous to everyone that sent flowers, sent food, gave us money to help cover funeral expenses, gave us gifts (like the memorial necklace my best friend gave me) or came in from out-of-state to attend Devon's memorial. I wound up writing about 30-40 thank you notes, I think. I also did a general Facebook post to thank people for being there for us. I considered writing a thank you to everyone that attended Devon's memorial, but 1.) that was overkill, and 2.) that was a lot of people.

I don't think there's a wrong or right answer about the thank you notes. Almost everyone I spoke to after the notes went out said they weren't expecting anything back from me, but I write thank you notes for everything and wanted people to know that I appreciated what they did for me as we struggled through our loss. I wouldn't worry about it if you're not up to it; I don't think it's that big of a deal to write a thank you note or not, especially in a situation like that.

dadalou · June 2014

DH wanted to send thank you notes for everything almost right away. I was not up to doing it at all so I told him that if he wanted to send them that he would need to write them. That was fine with him so he ended up writing all the thank you notes.

I might have sent general thank you message to everyone on Facebook, but I don't really remember.

MCH77 · June 2014

I used FB or email to send quick thank you. Nothing fancy. If people were offended, that is their issue.

msunshine123 · June 2014

Thanks for starting this discussion! I was wondering about what people do.

jocie28 · June 2014

I'm relieved to hear some of you think its ok not to do them. I have been so stressed about doing them. Its 6 months tomorrow & I still haven't sent any out. Ugh. I just want to do the people who sent money, flowers or gifts. I figured most of them will give me a pass for it being so late but I just can't bring myself to sit down & write them.

elmindreda · June 2014

We haven't sent out any notes or anything. People have mostly just sent us sympathy cards, so I feel like it would be weird to send a card back. I did post a general thank you in my church bulletin a couple weeks ago, but other than that we haven't done anything.

LyndseyTS · June 2014

For us, anyone who actually DID something physical (brought a meal, cleaned the house, went shopping) got a thank you note. For everyone else (including those who just send cards) either I verbally said something or sent out a quick message. I think that people understand that we're not in a great place to give back (which is why we need the support!) and that's okay. I just wanted to make sure that those who put in extra time DOING something knew that we so appreciated it. I tried to do them as soon as I was up for them because otherwise I'd have forgotten (that's how I roll, forgetting things, unfortunately).

sunflwra · June 2014

Ours was a 2nd tri loss, so it wasn't as 'public' I guess is the right word. We had work people drop off meals and we had some friends send us flowers. We texted/email the work people to thank them for the food (just a simple Thanks for thinking of us) and emailed the people for the flowers (the same thing). Anyone who sent cards was on FB and we just did a general thank you post there. I don't think anyone expected anything in response or would have thought badly if we hadn't sent anything, so I think you just do whatever feels right for you.

stefuge · July 2014

We never sent any either, and similar to aragosta, my baby shower was days before we lost Colton, and I never sent thank you's for the shower gifts either. I just couldn't do it. No one ever said anything, and I felt like most people understood. I think the decision is up to you. If you'll feel extremely guilty not sending them, then I would suggest just doing it. Whatever is easier.

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