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I don't want to know the sex of the baby

Rainbow17Rainbow17 member
in 2nd Trimester
But my husband is dying to know.  Our appointment is next week.  I want to find out the sex of the baby when I hold it in my arms, but if its still inside my body, I don't care to know.  The doctor can let only my husband know and not me, I just think that would be weird and unbalanced.  What should I do?
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Re: I don't want to know the sex of the baby

  • griffersgriffers member
    I think if your husband wants to know you should respect his wishes to find out and he should do the same for you by keeping it to himself. Do you think he'll be able to find out without letting it slip for the rest of your pregnancy? If so then I think it's fine. If not, well then I can see why you don't want him to know.
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  • katiefritzlerkatiefritzler member
    Hmm. Yeah I would say ask him about it and why he wants to know and tell him why you don't. Both of us want to know so we don't have that problem (thank god). It's tough because there's no real way to compromise on such a situation, but maybe you could come to a consensus and let him find out… Or maybe he could find out at another ultrasound closer to the birth? I dunno just a thought!
    ~~~My baby girl is due November 4th, 2014~~~
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  • griffersgriffers member
    edited June 2014
    Deleted: wrong thread!
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  • PrimRoseMamaPrimRoseMama member
    Flip a coin. Whoever wins gets their way.


    LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:



    Lilypie First Birthday tickers

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  • Rainbow17Rainbow17 member
    We've definitely talked a lot about it, and we cannot seem to agree on both of us knowing or not knowing. His points are just valid as are mine. I just think one of us knowing will be kind of out of balance.  And while I firmly believe that he will not slip, I think he may suggest things that may make me things its a boy or girl.  For example, when purchasing the items, he may suggest something more pink or blue.  It may just have me perplexed and that's not how I want to be during my pregnancy.
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  • mrsH1112mrsH1112 member
    We had this exact situation.  My husband really wanted to know and I didnt.  For a lot of men its different.  The only way he has to bond with the baby that weve created is to see it on Ultra Sound and talk about the future and work on the baby's room.  We get to carry the baby, feel it move and feel connected to it.

    After 24 weeks we decided to find out.  I knew it was more important to him to find out than it was for me to not find out.  We were having major issues with girls names and I didnt want to obsess about it anymore if I didnt have to.

    We left it up to the baby.  I told my husband going into our 24 week ultrasound (we have to go for one once a month because of gestational diabetes) "If the baby wants us to know, he or she will flash the ultrasound tech....If the baby is in a bad position and has his/her legs closed then we will take it as fate that we arent supposed to know"

    I was worried that knowing before hand would make it less of a "moment" than finding out the day he was born.  Honestly though it was really awesome when we found out.  The baby "wanted" us to find out haha and the tech told us we were going to have a son.   It was such a touching moment knowing this baby Ive been carrying will be my little boy we both started crying right there in the room.

    I dont think one person could find out and keep the secret from the other.  I think you both need to sit down and decide the pros and cons of each decision to find out or to not and decide together.
    DH and I Married 11.12.10
    First BPP 1.24.14
    EDD 9.26.14
    Baby Cooper John born on 9.24.14 6lbs9oz


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  • enigmasaraenigmasara member
    We were the opposite, I really wanted to know but my H didn't.  The OB's office had the results from my MaterniT21 test at 11 weeks so we could have found out then, but I compromised & waited until the 20 week AS.  The other thing that I compromised on was keeping our name ideas a secret.  I didn't mind sharing them with people but H really didn't want to.  So we both got some things our way & compromised on others. 

    I knew there was no way that I would be able to know her sex without accidentally slipping.  Just referring to baby as she could happen so easily without having any intention of doing so.
    BabyFetus Ticker
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  • tashy88tashy88 member
    I didn't want to find out this time around but of course my husband did just like with our daughter. So at the ultrasound i wrote on a piece of paper if it was a boy or girl and the ultrasound tech circled it. I left it up to him if he wanted to open the envelope or not so when he did i told him i don't want to know and he is fine with that.
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  • ashiscuteashiscute member
    Lurking here.

    I did not want to find out with my first and DH did.  We decided to compromise (we were planning to have at least 2) and decide to find out with one and not the other.  He agreed and I let him choose when he wanted to find out so we found out with the first.  We were Team Green the second time around.  If I had 100 more I'd be Team Green every time.  

    I would never agree for one of us to know and not the other.  I wouldn't be comfortable with that.  

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  • alysonmhalysonmh member
    edited June 2014
    I thought about being team green this time around but my husband really wanted to know. In the end I agreed to found out the sex at our ultrasound. He doesn't get to bond with our baby the way I do with our little guy being inside me. Finding out the gender gave him more of a sense of connection to our son and that's priceless. Now he can refer to him as his son and by his name, it's just so much more personal now for my husband. In my opinion finding out the sex of the baby isn't any less special whether you find out before or after you deliver. It's your child, that experience is amazing either way. When the ultrasound tech tells you the sex there won't be an ounce of disappointment, it will only melt your heart and make you feel that much more connected with him/her. It helps me connect to my little guy too, in the end it was the best decision for me also. I love getting to call him by his name, imagining being a mother to a son, buying things I think he will love. I'm having so much more fun now that I know. Good luck on your decision!
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  • 10ECGirl10ECGirl member
    My co-worker was in the situation and ultimately decided to find out for the sake of the hubs. They waited to open the envelope until on a date later that week to make it a little more special, and in the end, she said she was glad she did it for him. It helped him bond and she felt like there were plenty of surprises still in store throughout labor, delivery and having a newborn that didn't take away from any of the special-ness of announcing it on the spot.  They did keep the name a surprise so hubby got to introduce him to the world, equally as awesome! 

    I also like MrsH112's idea of leaving it up to the baby! 

    To me it does seem unbalanced for one to know and the other not. I vote go all or nothing. Best of luck with the decision! 
    Pregnancy Ticker
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