Thoughts on difficult bosses?

cyprissa · June 2014

DH is having a rough time with his new boss. Their interactions are very stilted and awkward and he's having difficulty communicating his value to him. He's currently working in budget and finance but is not in accounting, instead he does the strategy/planning side of things and his boss seems much more in tune with the accounting peeps and DH can't seem to crack the code to get him to see the value of his projects. He's generally considered charming and has always excelled at work and with his bosses so this is new territory for him. He's freaking out. I'm kind of a bitch so it's hard for me to give advice. Any tips for sussing out what a difficult boss likes?

CinemaGoddess · June 2014

Has he discussed this with his boss? Like set up a meeting?

Also, are there any HR-type people he could talk with?

ASmallWonder · June 2014

I'm having some boss struggles myself. The good thing about it being new is that there's a good basis for requesting a meeting with the boss without it seeming like it's to talk about issues. I'd suggest he set up a meeting with the boss under the pretense that he wants to understand the boss' priorities, expectations, and to share your DH's goals and objectives for the year. He'll be able to put this info right in front of the boss as an expectation setting session.

JGY · June 2014

elmoali said:

I'm having some boss struggles myself. The good thing about it being new is that there's a good basis for requesting a meeting with the boss without it seeming like it's to talk about issues. I'd suggest he set up a meeting with the boss under the pretense that he wants to understand the boss' priorities, expectations, and to share your DH's goals and objectives for the year. He'll be able to put this info right in front of the boss as an expectation setting session.

This. I worked for an abusive, ill man for 7 years. I'm not saying that this is the same situation at all, but I did find that the only thing that worked with that guy was to make sure that I was delivering information to him in the way that resonated the most for him. Getting on the same page about how to best communicate is a really good strategy. "Managing up" is a skill, and chances are if your hubs hasn't had to do this in the past, it will take some time to learn.

For me, the first major strides came when we agreed upon a standard project log template that I kept updated and would bring to every 1:1 (what I HAD been using was something he hated, but I didn't know that until I asked). It took a while to refine it, and make sure that it included everything he needed/wanted to see, and nothing that he didn't, but it really helped.

Good luck!

cyprissa · June 2014

@CinemaGoddess he tried to have a discussion (set up a meeting) and it just didn't seem to go over well. He tried to work on defining his role. In his line of work HR is not a normal thing like in the corporate or nonprofit sector so you wouldn't go to them over something like this. I did suggest talking to a mentor outside of his branch.

CinemaGoddess · June 2014

cyprissa said:

@CinemaGoddess he tried to have a discussion (set up a meeting) and it just didn't seem to go over well. He tried to work on defining his role. In his line of work HR is not a normal thing like in the corporate or nonprofit sector so you wouldn't go to them over something like this. I did suggest talking to a mentor outside of his branch.

What do you mean it "didn't go over well"?

cyprissa · June 2014

@CinemaGoddess he blew him off completely and changed the topic.

CinemaGoddess · June 2014

Is there anyone in the company your H can discuss this with?

Is the work being completed in a timely manner and are the clients happy with the work?

cyprissa · June 2014

@CinemaGoddess my DH is military so there are no clients. His work is always done it is just seen as peripheral which is not good for promotion or in this climate where they are downsizing.

ASmallWonder · June 2014

"Boss, thanks for the productive conversation regarding XYZ. The roles and responsibilities meeting is still something I think would be useful to both of us with this new reporting relationship so I've set up this new time to talk. If there's anything you'd like to see during the meeting, please let me know and I'll prepare it ahead of time so that we're able to make the most productive use of the time."

CinemaGoddess · June 2014

cyprissa said:

@CinemaGoddess my DH is military so there are no clients. His work is always done it is just seen as peripheral which is not good for promotion or in this climate where they are downsizing.

Oh man.

How long is he in for?

cyprissa · June 2014

@CinemaGoddess he's been in for 17 years and we hopefully have about 7-8 left because only 14 years are active duty. He has consistently ranked at the top of his cohort but not in this job and it sucks and he is loosing his mind over it. I'm going to ask my CEO and President to try to help him strategize because he is a 30 year Pentagon guy and is amazing with people but he won't be back in town for a few weeks and I'm trying to help DH now.

ASmallWonder · June 2014

Eep, military. I think that's a game changer #-o

CinemaGoddess · June 2014

Yeah, unfortunately there isn't a lot you can do when you're in the military except trying to hone your interpersonal communication skills for the days when you have the option of working in the private sector.

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