Attachment Parenting

For those of you who bedshare...

Hi all,

I'm feeling despirate.  My daughter is 15 months old, and she's been in the bed with us since she was 4 months.  It's been a bumpy ride, but, for the most part, we've all had a positive experience with bedsharing.  Lately, however, I feel that the dynamic has somehow changed.  Several times a week, for several weeks now, she wakes up and stays up...for 3-4 hours.  I realize she's getting her molars, learning language skills, etc., but I can't help but feel that I'm doing something wrong - that in trying to do what's best for her, I'm actually hurting her.  In no way, shape, or form do I want to "baby train," but am I denying her sleep by having her in the bed with us?  I'm so confused and feel a little defeated right now.  

I guess I'm asking for your experiences with similar situations you and your baby(ies) have gone through.  Thanks for your support.  

Pregnancy Ticker

Re: For those of you who bedshare...

  • it's not you! i know it's brutal going through weeks of crappy sleep and you start to feel desperate and blame yourself. we've been bedsharing with our DS since he was about 6 weeks old. unfortunately these things seem to go in phases for us. he'll sleep great for a while, then there will be some kind of change (developmental leap, teething, time change, being sick), and his sleep will be crappy for a while. then it will go back to being good. but i think we'd still be experiencing the same thing if he were in his own bed in another room-- we'd just be getting up and trudging back and forth instead.

    what is your DD like when she wakes up?  is she cranky and hard to settle? or is she wide awake and ready to party? what time does she wake up? is she in the process of dropping her 2nd nap during the day? could she be going to sleep too late or too early? is your room too hot for her? could she be thirsty or hungry? is the room too bright? is she having nightmares? if she's teething, could you give her some advil when she wakes, or right before bed? at this age, i would try to look for a specific cause for the waking and attempt to address it.

    do you have her crib or toddler bed in your room with you? even if you can't find a specific reason for her night waking, at the very least, when she wakes you could put her in her bed and say, "it's time to rest now. if you want to stay up, you have to play quietly in your bed so mommy and daddy can sleep. if you want to go to sleep, then you can come in the big bed with us."

  • what is your DD like when she wakes up? is she cranky and hard to settle? or is she wide awake and ready to party? Depends and varies.  Last night, for example, she experienced all of the above during her 4 hour sleep strike.   what time does she wake up? Normally, she wakes up around 7.  We have to be out the door by 8:15ish.  This morning, I had to wake her at 8:15 because she'd only gotten like 6 hours of sleep all night.  She wasn't a happy camper.    is she in the process of dropping her 2nd nap during the day? She's been down to 1 nap a day since she was 11 months old.  That's when she moved to the 1 year old class at daycare, and naptime is from 12-2.  On the weekends, she'll sometimes take 2 naps, but not often.  could she be going to sleep too late or too early? We try to get her in bed by 8:30.  Sometimes it's a little later, depending on our evening.  is your room too hot for her? could she be thirsty or hungry? is the room too bright? is she having nightmares? Could be; maybe i'll experiment with these.  if she's teething, could you give her some advil when she wakes, or right before bed? I sometimes give her meds before bed.  Maybe i'll try doing it consistantly for a few day to see if she reponds well.  at this age, i would try to look for a specific cause for the waking and attempt to address it.

    Thank you for your response!!

    Pregnancy Ticker
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  • are you nursing? of course my quickest fix for night waking was and is nursing. sometimes DS would wake up in the middle of the night and be so hyped up that he'd have to nurse for ages, but at least it kept him calm and still, and eventually he'd pass out. otherwise, could you have your SO get up and maybe carry your DD around for a little while and listen to some calming music? maybe offer a small amount of chamomile tea, or warm milk with honey?

    if she got hardly any sleep last night, i'd try to get her into bed way early tonight.

    hopefully someone else will weigh in, too.
  • ditto the "developmental thing they'll outgrow" camp here.  It sucks, but it's normal.  Try putting her to bed earlier (yes) to see if it helps her get enough over all sleep.  And make sure that when she does wake up in the MOTN, she knows it's still bedtime - blackout curtains, no screens, no lights, no playing; you just lay in bed - maybe talking softly.  If you *have* to get up, very low lights, definitely no screens, and calm activities only.
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  • Thanks for all the input.  I really appreciate it.  This weekend she ran a fever, so that may have contributed to it.  We're working through it.  She does have free access to the boob all night long, but many times, she'll nurse and then pop right off after a few seconds.  My husband sometimes has luck getting her to go back to sleep, but then she wakes up again when he tries to put her down beside me again.  In the meantime, there's no rest for the weary, but hopefully we'll see some improvement over the coming weeks/months.
    Pregnancy Ticker
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