Help with baby/paternity leave?

workmm01 · June 2014

With less than 6 weeks to my due date I'm getting a little concerned about taking care of a newborn by myself. I'm wondering how other moms are going to handle the first week or so out of the hospital. DH is starting a new job 2 weeks before I'm due, so I'll be lucky for any time he has to be in the hospital with me. He won't be able to leave for long. My mom is working and sister will be going off to college. MIL will be able to help, but I always feel like I have to be entertaining or taking all her advice that I don't always agree with. Does anyone who had little or no help have any advice? Is anyone else feeling the same way??

dogperson11 · June 2014

Reading the thread "Helpful NEWBORN Advice" might calm your nerves a little.

As far as help goes, I would let MIL help as much as you're comfortable. If she gets to be overbearing just say you and the baby are going to go nap for a while.

pmpkn219 · June 2014

My mom stayed with us for 5 days, H was off for 4 days (not counting the 2 days in the hospital). After that my ILs came up when he was about a month old, but that first week with H back at work was scary, but in hindsight, doable.

I don't know if I have any tips except shower while H is still home in the morning (or evening when he gets home) because though shower can be a good few-minutes escape, I felt more comfortable in the early days taking one when someone else was there with the baby. And be sure you have lots of snacks, easy to grab food around the house- things that require little/no prep. Or else you may find H gets home and you haven't eaten all day.

If you can stand MIL I'd let her come over and DO things for you- have her load the dishwasher, instead of just hold the baby. Everyone wants to hold the baby, but that's not really Helpful to you, except for short breaks. It can help if baby just ate and is cozy in MILs arms, YOU can nap too!

BlckRoses · June 2014

I'm lucky because DH will be able to take 5 weeks off with me. But when he goes back to work, I'll still be alone with the baby for another 7 weeks. I plan on making sure to ask for help when I need it. My mom lives 15 minutes away and doesn't work, so I will be calling her if I just need a break and have her come over so I can shower or nap. I think you should take the help that you need and not feel bad about it. If your MIL is over, ask her to do things for you, and don't entertain her. Even if she just wants to hold the baby, take advantage, take a shower, take a nap. The first few weeks of my niece's life, my SIL would come to my parent's house, give them the baby and go to sleep until baby was hungry.

Valancyy · June 2014

My husband has always taken 2 weeks off. He's doing so again.

By the time he went back to work I was always fine. You'll get into a schedule. Plus...newborns sleep a lot in the beginning.

I'm more concerned this time around about handling 3 kids alone! Last time my oldest was still in daycare, this time I'm a SAHM, so no daycare. I'm sure I'll get the hang of it though.

I already have meals planned for over 2 weeks after the baby comes. Combo of easy stuff, freezer meals, and take out. I'm also going to be using paper plates as much as possible. Someone had suggested it in another thread.

workmm01 · June 2014

@Valancyy Paper Plates! Seems so obvious but I hadn't thought of that!

tabaskoa · June 2014

My H was only able to take 1 week off (and that included the time I was in the hospital). I actually didn't mind being alone with the baby...it was kind of nice, hard some times of course, but I liked figuring things out on my own. My mom would come visit after she got home from work sometimes to just keep me company before H got home, and occasionally I had people come to see the baby. My MIL came over a couple times, but she wasn't really "help" so much. The best thing we did was take our dog to doggie daycare 3 days a week so I didn't have to deal with her and the baby. That was awesome.

shevaCC · June 2014

I had help for about the first month, but then was on my own. I think the fear of it was certainly scarier than the reality turned out to be. Once you're in the situation you find your routines and figure things out. I second the advice of having lots of easy (preferably one-handed) snacks nearby and remembering to eat/refill your water bottle. You'll also want to set out everything you need within easy reach of where you'll be sitting...diaper changing station, spare outfit, your food and drink. That way you don't have to get up much, especially if you end up with a C section.

lookame3639 · June 2014

I honestly would have preferred to be alone rather than the "help" I received. I would have been able to sleep and get into some sort of routine and not have to worry about this other person who i hardly even knew. By the time she left i was so lost on my son's cues that i felt even more overwhelmed.

The key to it is to rest when baby rests, don't worry about the state of your house, and just overall listen to yourself and the needs your baby has. If you are feeling overwhelmed sit baby down and let them cry while you collect yourself and if you are feeling very overwhelmed give someone a call. If you are feeling sad all the time it's ok to have a chat with your dr, you aren't crazy!

kshare18 · June 2014

I love my family, but I honestly couldn't imagine them staying with me for more than a day or two. Luckily, H can take off as much time as he wants. I think 2-3 weeks should be fine. My sister had her baby about 2 weeks ago and my mom has stayed with her the entire time, I don't know who has the patience for that!

ungraceful13 · June 2014

If you think she will be helpful ask her if not don't. DH will be home with me for 2 weeks and after that people will come by as needed.

FrodaBaggins · June 2014

Lucky enough that my hubs is getting a week off. My mom will be here too but not staying with us because we don't have room. So she will be down the street. I am having anxiety about all this, though, because my husband and my mom don't get along. And he's already stated his preference that we get some alone time as a family of 3 before having my Mom around all the time. *sigh* I don't know what to do. I hope you are able to figure out your situation too!

belle785 · June 2014

I was fine after DH went back to work. I just lowered my expectations about how the house looked and if dinner was on the table. By a week into it you will get into a routine. If you need a break or help ask your MIL to come by for a few hours at a given time.

workmm01 · June 2014

Thanks ladies!! I feel more at ease now and really appreciate the advice! You all have given me some good ideas I didn't think of before too!

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