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May 2014 Moms
momthatlifts
member
I just need a little vent NBR.
momthatlifts
member
Go ahead and throw in your opinions, relations, whatever you want. I just need to get this off my chest
I'll probably add more to this as I go.
OK a little vent/rant. I feel like me and dh are never going to resolve our feelings for each other. It's like he just can't accept how I am right now. And at this point I don't know if It will ever be the same. I'm still waiting for my drive to come back. I would love to feel like the little high school girl who fell in love for the first time again. But all that left when I got pregnant and it hasn't come back. It has really eaten me up inside because now I am so confused. We are way too young to be acting like we have been married for 50 years and no longer show affection. He always tries to love up on me and be affection and I just don't want any part if it. It's causing me a lot of stress because I don't know if I have just lost feelings for him or if it's my hormones and it's going to take an eternity for them to work themselves out and I can love my husband again the way he deserves to be loved. We've talked about this numerous times and it's always ends up right back to where it's started. Today it was because he was like 12 inches from my face just staring at me and smiling and that's sooooo sweet but I felt smothered. I hadn't even brushed my teeth yet so I was like trying not to breathe on him. So he took offense to me wanted him to give me some space and now we are hardly talking to each other. I want to go stay with my parents but he uses the excuse of not being able to see the baby and I feel guilty taking her away from him. So I'm trapped. I just just don't know what is going on with me anymore. Am I still in love with my husband?
I'll probably add more to this as I go.
OK a little vent/rant. I feel like me and dh are never going to resolve our feelings for each other. It's like he just can't accept how I am right now. And at this point I don't know if It will ever be the same. I'm still waiting for my drive to come back. I would love to feel like the little high school girl who fell in love for the first time again. But all that left when I got pregnant and it hasn't come back. It has really eaten me up inside because now I am so confused. We are way too young to be acting like we have been married for 50 years and no longer show affection. He always tries to love up on me and be affection and I just don't want any part if it. It's causing me a lot of stress because I don't know if I have just lost feelings for him or if it's my hormones and it's going to take an eternity for them to work themselves out and I can love my husband again the way he deserves to be loved. We've talked about this numerous times and it's always ends up right back to where it's started. Today it was because he was like 12 inches from my face just staring at me and smiling and that's sooooo sweet but I felt smothered. I hadn't even brushed my teeth yet so I was like trying not to breathe on him. So he took offense to me wanted him to give me some space and now we are hardly talking to each other. I want to go stay with my parents but he uses the excuse of not being able to see the baby and I feel guilty taking her away from him. So I'm trapped. I just just don't know what is going on with me anymore. Am I still in love with my husband?
It's a BOY
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I just need a little vent NBR.
Your husband needs to understand you need some space right now. He needs to man up. A few months of him not getting cuddled is his cross to bear while you figure out parenting. And conversely you can keep working on showing him affection. It takes work from both of us.
Above all else communicate!!! It's ok to feel like this but don't isolate yourself from your partner. You chose to trust him as a parent and partner in this journey for a reason. You might just need his help finding that reason again.
I find myself feeling the same way or getting snappy. It's slowly passing but I know DH wants to be intimate. I try to accept his hugs and snuggles as much as it irks me because he needs it I'm sure.
It will pass. I would hope when life becomes more normal and life before baby doesn't feel like a missed memory. It's quite life change with adjustments in many ways.
Hang in there. Your husband loves you and he just wants that physical contact to know he's loved.
Maybe start with a hug. That kinda hug you linger and just take each other in. It helps me remember how much I love my husband after a long breastfeeding session or dealing with a fussy baby.
We have birth to their children and care for them. We are pretty amazing in their eyes.
Ladies, there will come a day when your husband walks in the door and you do not turn around. You will be preoccupied with filling up sippy cups and wiping booties. You will shout over the running bath water, “Hey! Glad you’re home.” But it won’t mean what it used to mean. It won’t be full of eager anticipation to spend time together. It will be full of expectations to aid in the demands of the family. “Glad you’re home,” will more properly translate, “Thank goodness for two extra hands to help me.” And “Praise the Lord I might get five minutes alone.”
Ladies, there will come a day when you spend every last ounce of yourselves on your children. The demands of life and the babies will come before any other priority. What little of yourself you have left at the end of the day will be used to crawl into bed before someone is awake to need you again. The thought of doing anything else after the children are asleep will sound impossible and your handsome husband’s happy smile had better mean he is willing to get up with the baby and nothing more.
The husband that once completed your heart will be just one more person who needs you. The charming things that you fell for will go unnoticed. The daily grind will become expected.
Men, there will come a time when that beautiful bride sitting next to you hasn’t showered in days. She will be at her wit’s end wearing other people’s food and poop on her clothing. She will need to hear that she is beautiful, but she won’t listen to you. She will need to know that she is still lovable, but she won’t want you near her. When you arrive home after meeting the demands of work, you will be expected to meet the demands of your family. Your wife will hear none of your exhaustion, and you will see none of hers.
Men, you will call home to ask a quick question and anticipate a two-minute conversation. Half of it will be spent listening to your wife talk to your kids. As a matter of fact, you will make it no more than a few sentences in to any conversation ever before your wife spurts out direction to your children.“Don’t climb that!” or “Don’t sit on your sister!” You will become accustomed to these outbursts, but you will forget that there was ever a time when you had her full attention.
But Ladies, when Mommy becomes your name, remember this man. Remember that you are his wife. Remember how much you love and appreciate him in this moment. Remember his dedication to your family. Remember his love and devotion to you. And then, when the days are long and you need a break, fall into his arms.
Men, remember your bride. The care and love that she has given you will soon be spilled over to your children. Her love for you will not change. Give her the grace to be enough even when she doesn’t feel like it. Remember when your days are long, hers are too. Remember her. Fall in love with her again.
Remember each other. Remember the two that made the family. Let the Lord lead you both together. Because when the days are endless and the hours short, it will only be his love who keeps you together. It will only be his mercy that gently guides your hearts as one. Hold tightly to one another, and even more tightly to the Lord. There is no greater adventure for you to experience and no greater gift than to walk through parenthood with your best friend. You are a team. Every single day.
Also, you are not alone, it's so so hard to invest in your marriage with kids. So much harder than I thought. I will get to points I feel like we are roommates or running a business because it's all about the kids, house, bills etc. whenever I get to this point I remind/communicate to DH "hey we are in roomate mode and it sucks" then we try to do a date night, be better about affection, talking about other stuff, etc.
I saw something on Pinterest one time that always reminds me I can't do it all..."Today's modern woman: clean house. Healthy dinner on the table (on time). Fit/trimmed/well groomed. Works full time. Laundry done. Great sex life. Pick any two." I can't do one of these most days lately:)!
But I'm also in a similar boat. MH wants me to "help him out" but to be honest when LO is in bed I just want to go to sleep. He is getting frustrated with me, but I just don't have the energy. I love him with all my heart, but I'm also nervous that I won't get back to the way we were before baby arrived. I just hope he understands how I feel whenever I talk to him about this.
There should be a class that men have to take in the hospital explaining to them that some women are going to need a lot longer to get the hormones back to normal. And that woman are extremely tired, stressed and overwhelmed taking care of a new baby sometimes the guys needs are going to be put on the back burner until further notice.
I don't have a ton of advice as a FTM who hasn't even been cleared for sex yet. I haven't had to deal with this yet. But my advice would have been no better than the other fine advice you've already received. One thing that I would recommend is try not to go stay at your parents. Leaving your house like that could be the beginning of the end.