Baby Showers
ElaineMOH
member
Baby Shower Hell
ElaineMOH
member
in Baby Showers
So, I received an email from an in-law that it is my "place" to put on a baby shower for another family member who I do not get along with. Not wanting to rock the boat, and not feeling it was a battle worth choosing, I agreed. Funny, that the people in the family who traditionally host the showers decided not to touch this one, but now that I am hosting, two of them are full of demands as to what needs to be done. I asked another woman in the family to co-host, and she has agreed. We have received calls re: when to have it, where to have it, who to invite, who not to invite, what the theme HAS to be, what food to serve...you name it. I have deflected the "requests" by saying "thanks for the suggestion...we will let you know what we decide". Now they have decided that my co-host is the weaker link and have concentrated on her, and she is starting to crack. I am ready to tell them I am out, if they are so intent on having their way they can take it over. So not worth the hassle, especially considering the MTB is extremely hard to please and will probably not be appreciative anyway. The latest insult is an email that stated we are basically just "figurehead" hostesses, and the plans should really be up to the family to decide on. Biting my tongue before answering and ultimately burning a couple of bridges - any suggestions on how to deal with this are welcome. What I've been doing isn't working 
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Re: Baby Shower Hell
"It sounds like you have a pretty distinct vision of how things should be and my ideas don't really fit into that. I'm contributing $$$ (if you want to) to help with the costs but either way, I am not best suited for this."
Again, the $$ is a BIG if you want to. Because it's inlaws and they're gonna talk shit anyway, it's up to you.
Side note: I was in a similar situation when DH and I were just dating, though not nearly as bad. MIL wanted help planning a shower for SIL, their cousin was hurt she was left out, so we included her. Once that happened, SIL was HEAVILY involved in the planning.
What we ended up with was a diaper raffle & DIY TY addressing among SIL snubbing my gift in front of her friends and telling me basically that I wouldn't ever be considered an aunt.
When she got PG again when that kid was 11 months old, MIL approached me saying "D wants us to throw another shower...." I made myself conveniently unavailable for a 2 month period. I strongly suggest no matter HOW you do this that you back out too and stay far away from the drama.
I will never understand the obligation/entitlement sentiment with something that's supposed to be a gift.
Married 1/2/99.
TTC since 4/09.
Diagnosed PCOS. Diagnosed Hypothryoid 11/09.
SHG & SA normal. PCOS Research study started 5/10.
Clomid/Femara cycle #1 - 6/10 = BFN
Clomid/Femara cycle #2 - 7/10 = BFP #1 - Missed miscarriage 9/2/10
11/12 - BFP #2 - 11/22 - m/c
5/1/11 - BFP #3 - Pre-eclampsia, IUGR & bed rest from 32w. DD born via induction 1/4/12.
Married: August 2012
DD: 9/22/2014
Sorry, just got in from work, but I do have an update. Received a reply from Family Member #1 (not the "figurehead" woman). She said she didn't realize they had been making us feel that way, she didn't know about the figurehead comment, that she guessed where she herself was concerned it was difficult to give up the reins after so many years of looking after family gatherings, and asked us to contact her if we needed any help at all! AND if we continued to have trouble with FM #2 to let her know and she would "sit her down", lol! She really did come through with a classy response, and she's earned all the more respect for it, in my opinion.
Not a word from FM #2 yet...
So, FM #2 didn't have the stones to contact us herself, but had FM #1 call co-host to say "whatever, do what you want" basically. Thank you, we will!