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Dealing with talking back

meg_2006meg_2006 member
in Toddlers: 24 Months+
Now I know this is nothing short of normal for a toddler, but I'm wondering how the rest of you handle it. DS has recently taken to lots of "no! It's NOT time for a nap," and variations of essentially the same thing. Also, if I try to guide him somewhere we need to go, for example with a hand on the back, I get "STOP IT!" and "ow, that hurts!" (Which has the potential to be super humiliating if he ever does it in public). These are the phrases we've heard the most, but there are others. He talking back has picked up tremendously in the past week. I know, he's expressing negative feelings and has to learn the appropriate way to do so...all that stuff. So far we just try to get him to clarify his thoughts in a calm way (after shooting him "the look"). What do you guys do? Is this a time-out worthy offense?

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Re: Dealing with talking back

  • janinekrausejaninekrause member
    It is really normal and I don't know that I would call it "talking back" just yet. Wait until you have a 5 year old and it takes on a whole different meaning and is worthy of her sitting in her room to think, and apologize.

    At 2 1/2, they want to express themselves. It depends on what my 2 1/2 year old does that I feel is worthy of a time out. If she throws her toys on the floor, and I ask her to pick them up and she says no, you do it- I say no, you threw them, you pick them up please. If she refuses after a few times, I do put her in a time out. But that is because I believe throwing your stuff is inappropriate and not listening after the 4th warning :)

    If she says no, it isnt time for a nap- no I don't do anything other than say, yes it is and take her upstairs (even if that involves crying and yelling). 

    Not sure if that makes sense. Just no for the sake of no, or stop it, I don't believe is punishable at all. And we are super firm in our house. 

    This age is all about them having control. They are going to say lots of nos. The best advice I have is to stay very calm, and keep repeating yourself. Or give "time warnings"- in 2 minutes, we are going up for a nap, etc. That helps too. Or do you want me to carry you upstairs, or do you want to walk upstairs yourself for your nap. Choices, etc make them feel like they have control.


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  • shannmshannm member
    At this age, I think that ignoring it is still very powerful. DD does things to get reactions. I actually thinks she gets a kick out of people telling her she is naughty. So most times, if she is being defiant, the behavior is most quickly ended if I ignore her and walk away. Like if she is being difficult at dinner (and I mean like throwing and slamming things) we put he down in the next room and continue to eat without her. She gets upset that she isn't with us and usually returns minutes later with a much better attitude.
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  • blu-eyedwifeblu-eyedwife member
    fredalina said:
    "Ouch! That tone of voice really hurts my ears."
    I would get the biggest shit-eating grin in my house as he screamed even louder if I said that
    ;)

    In general, we tend to tell him we don't understand him when he's screaming, if he wants to tell us something he needs to say it in a normal voice.  

    For your specific situations I try work arounds.  I'm not going to fight with him over this kind of stuff, because they have endurance.  And getting physical just escalates the problem.  So if he tells me it's not naptime, (I can picture him using the exact phrase and tone as your son) I say something along the lines of "I know you're having fun and don't want to take a nap, but the sooner we nap, the sooner we get to (and I pick some fun activity we'll be doing after nap)."  Or lately I tell him that he can nap in our bed, which he really likes.  For the guiding him, I would apologize for "hurting" him (because we're also working on apologizing for accidents) and tell him we need to go x,y,z, and ask if he would prefer me to hold his hand, or "walk close" (which is what we call it when he stands beside me and I have my hand on his back).
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  • TiffanyBerryTiffanyBerry member
    I wouldn't really call that talking back either.

    Empathize with him, but gently hold your boundaries.  Say "I know you wish it weren't time for a nap.  You wish you could never sleep!  Our bodies need sleep to grow strong and healthy, so it really is time for a nap and we can play more later."  And "I'm sorry you don't like me holding your hand to guide you.  I must hold your hand if you cannot be safe without it."

    Normal.  It'll pass - well, no, it'll change to something different. :)
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