I'm pissed (an intro) sig warning - pic of DD

kerbear135 · June 2014

DH and I started TFAS seriously in May and I knew we'd succeeded again, and got a BFP to prove it. I battled fairly constant morning sickness for a week and it felt like everything was going well. Fri night/ Sat morning, I noticed a little bit of spotting when I got up in the middle of the night to pee, but when I got up it was gone. Sat night, I started spotting more, and by Sun it was my normal flow. I had a m/c before DD was born so I knew it we'd lost another pregnancy. I was heartbroken this first time this happened, and while I'm sad this time, I'm more angry than anything else. I am pissed that I was sick for most of a week for no reason. I am pissed that I bought a shirt for DD to wear to tell our parents. I pissed I let myself peruse baby stuff online. I am pissed that I told DH and got his hopes up. I am really, really pissed that it had to happen on Father's Day and put a damper on the day for DH, but mostly I am pissed at my body for betraying me once again.....part of me wants to start trying again asap, but the other part of me is terrified this will happen again. I am so upset with my body- I know it wasn't anything I can control and I didn't do anything to cause this, but that doesn't help me stop feeling defective.

FmrAFBrat · June 2014

((HUGS)) I'm right there with you started spotting Saturday, however I started hemorrhaging Monday morning at 3am and had to have an emergency D&C. I'm actually less angry with this loss than my first loss, but my first loss was ectopic and I lost my tube. In some ways I feel blessed that I've had 3 babies make their way into my uterus. I'm just a little lost. I had good betas, 2 good ultrasounds (one to confirm it wasn't ectopic at 4w5d and a heartbeat and right on pace at 6w3d), and I still lost this baby. I'm just mad at myself for getting a little excited....not sure if I'll try again. Both of my losses have been scary medically and not typical. Right now I'm just trying to figure it all out. I've lurked here but where I've had children in between my losses I don't know if I'd be more helpful or hurtful to this board. I've been on PAL for a few years though....My EDD with my first pregnancy was yesterday.

All around terrible week.